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I didn’t look away. It was a game I couldn’t escape as he stared what felt like into my soul, with impenetrability that made me nervous.
Zach clicked his tongue, snapping us out of it. “Would you two fuck already,” he said, deadpan.
Erianna laugh-snorted, and my face flooded with heat. “I have no interest in him whatsoever,” I blurted out, hating how red my face was. Now I really hated Zach, who was back to looking at the papers in his folders.
Sebastian remained silent, and I waited for anyone to say something. “So…” Erianna sat on the ledge of the window, pressing her suppressed smile into a hard line. “How is your friend? I’m glad he’s alive.”
I shook my head, reorienting myself. “Draven, yes, he’s good. I mean, not good.” I was stumbling. What the hell? “He has bite marks.”
Sebastian looked slightly amused as he looked over Zach’s shoulder at the papers, half glancing in our direction.
“You can help him soon enough,” she said. “How are you feeling about becoming a vampire?”
“You’re the first person to ask me that.”
She waved a hand in Sebastian’s direction. “I’m not surprised. He probably feels guilty at you becoming like us but can’t say anything because he desires his mortality so much.” She gave him a look, but he pretended not to hear us. “I know him better than he thinks. Him pretending not to care is easier for him to move ahead with any of this.”
I inhaled deeply, wondering if she was right and maybe, somewhere, he did care even a little. I’d caught myself wondering, in the quiet moments between sleep, if in another life he and I might have been friends. I had classed him as much when I spoke about him to Draven, but friends didn’t do this to each other. Erianna was one, and I knew I could at least count on her.
“It’s okay. I’m used to it.”
“Not being thought about?” she questioned.
“No. I’ve always had people who care about me. I mean, no one has ever really asked how I feel about things. My mom never asked me how I felt about not having my dad or if I wanted to know him at all, and Astor, well, I think he just didn’t think about what I wanted half the time. It’s my fault. I never really spoke out.”
“You should change that.” She tipped her finger up against my chin, smiling. “Words have far more power than you know. Use your voice.”
“To answer your question about becoming a vampire, I haven’t thought much about it. I’ve spent my life being afraid of you all,” I admitted. “I grew up surrounded by guild members, and it’s no secret how they feel about the sangaree.”
“For the most part, they’re right. There are decent vampires, but most are not. They once were when there were laws in place. We’re a predatory species, but so are mortals. The difference is we’ve justified giving into our darker natures, while mortals have not, and those who do are placed in prisons. The laws here are lenient.” She looked over her shoulder, out at the mountains. Flurries of snow swirled in the wind, clouding the view. “I’ve been around a long time and have seen the worst of the worst. When you give anyone, immortal or mortal, the chance to enact their deepest desires from the anonymity of the shadows, the line between monster and person blurs. It’s why I serve Laveniuess. I pray to him every day.”
A small smile grew. She understood because I felt the same way. I often wrote about him in my notebooks. “I worship him too. That’s why I enjoyed being at his birthplace so much,” I said, thinking back to bathing in the glacial lake. “He helps us find the balance between dark and light.”
“Exactly.” Her sharp, brown eyes brightened. “I think, Olivia, we have been waiting for you for a long time. Once you’ve been shadow kissed, you will find all your senses heightened, including your empathy. That intelligence you possess to look beyond the confines of your mind and see more openly will be what makes you a great ruler. Maybe our best one yet.”
Goose bumps spread over my arms. “Please don’t do that.”
“What? Refer to you as royalty? Because you are. You need to get used to it.”
“I can’t wrap my head around it sometimes.”
“You are descended from an ancient and revered bloodline. Your grandfather was a powerful king, and his father ruled Sanmorte for centuries. Greatness is in your blood.”
I cringed away from the idea of myself being any of those things. “I think you overestimate me.”
She shook her head. “No, but I’m certain you underestimate yourself.”
Sebastian cleared his throat, grabbing our attention. “We have an opportunity. The mortal princess from Asland is coming to strengthen alliances with Sanmorte tonight.”
My nose scrunched up. “Wait, royalty from other kingdoms come here?”
Sebastian smirked. “There are far more secret alliances made between kingdoms than they’ll have you believe, love.” I was only glad his lousy mood had lifted. “Look at these plans for tomorrow night. Hamza and Kalon are in charge of negotiations for the ball in her honor tomorrow.”
“A ball?”
Erianna shrugged. “They’re old school here. I can’t complain. I love dancing.”
I would have never guessed it. “I’ve heard of Asland. Isn’t it mostly desert?”
