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“It was.” Tears fell down my cheeks before I could stop myself. “Every time I caught you in lies when you would talk to girls behind my back or take days to text me back, you would threaten to leave. I had to beg you to stay.” I pointed my finger at his chest. “I had to consoleyouwhenIwas the one hurting. You made me think it was my fault. That somehow I was responsible for you doing those things because I was never enough for you!” My shouts turned to screams, and my nose became blocked as the tears fell thick and fast. “Now that I don’t want you, you can’t stand it, can you? You see that I’m wanted by Sebastian,” I lied, but Astor had seen those moments, and they appeared genuine enough. “Now that I am finally standing up to you, and I’m not begging for drips of your love, you’re here, at my door, trying to make things right.”
He shook his head. “That’s not true. I was good to you. I always cared for and loved you.”
“You don’t treat someone you love like that. All I ever wanted was your love, but you could never fully give it to me.”
“Don’t play the victim, Liv. You did stuff, too.”
I rubbed my forehead, unable to stand there for another second with him. For years, all I knew was Astor. But as I recalled those memories, they became a poem about how my life once was. It was a beautiful story, but it was one I looked at through rose-tinted glasses, and I was tired of it. “Get out of my room and leave this castle. Go back to your girlfriend and the city, and stay there. I don’t want you near me.”
“Kalon needs me here.”
“Kalon isn’t in charge!”
He shook his head, mumbling as he walked to the door.
“What was that?”
He glanced over his shoulder before opening the door. “I said, neither are you.”
“Fuck you, Astor,” I shouted, my heart racing, unable to contain the anger searing inside.
He turned, veins visible under his skin as his muscles tensed and fingers curled into fists. “You know what? I’m glad I turned. I regret nothing.”
“Don’t,” I warned, knowing where it was heading. “So many people died because of you.”
“So? It was them or me, and I will always choose me. Is that what you want me to say?”
My mouth dried. “No.”
“Then what? I protected you. Do you think that was easy? Nightshade knew about Ravena anyway. All I did was confirm it. Don’t you think I’ve been punished for not telling them the truth about you? When everyone found out who you were, they almost killed me.”
“I’m sorry they didn’t.”
He stepped forward, rage roiling in his features. “You can think of me as a traitor all you want and hate me forever, but the truth is I saved us both from death. You should be grateful.”
I shook my head. “You only saved yourself.”
His shoulders tensed. “That’s not true, and you know it.” The muscle in his jaw feathered. “And I would do it all over again and not bat an eye.”
My chest tightened. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do, and I still care about you because I’m here, trying to help.”
I scoffed, stepping back. “How are you possibly trying to help?”
“I know you don’t want Sebastian. So whatever game he’s playing with you, I’m offering you an out. You could marry me, instead. I know you still love me. You’re crying for me, so don’t pretend otherwise.”
The audacity of this prick. “I’m crying because I’m angry. Because I’m reliving everything. I finally see things for how they really were.”
“I don’t want you to cry.” He moved to hold my hand. “Look, I know you’re upset, but things are different now. We’re different. I would be good to you, Liv.Baby.”
“Based on our history, I disagree, but it’s nice to know your ego’s still in check.”
His eyes darkened, showing me a side to Astor I hadn’t seen in all our years together. The man in front of me was as much a stranger as almost everyone else here. “This has nothing to do with my ego. Gwen, Velda, Kalon—” He ticked them off on his fingers, mania threading through his eyes. “—they would kill me if they knew what I was offering. But I would do it for you.”
“So you can have more power,” I stated.
“Is that so wrong? To want it all? I want you, too.”
