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“Then why do you have such a raging boner?” I asked innocently.
Because the hardness pressing into my stomach definitely contradicted his words.
“Tam!” Calax bellowed, pulling away from me as if I was acid. I tried not to be hurt, tried not to feel as if he was somehow rejecting me. “Don’t look at me like that, Baby,” he pleaded. “God, the things I want to do to you…”
“Spanking?”
I couldn’t deny the heat in his eyes. An almost voracious hunger, both primal and carnal. Before he could respond, however, Tam appeared shrugging a backpack over his broad shoulders. His eyes flickered from my burning cheeks to Calax’s lustful, if not slightly glazed, stare. His own cheeks turned crimson, and he ducked his head.
“You ready to go?” he mumbled behind his disheveled brown curls. Peeling my attention away from Calax, a surprisingly difficult feat, I saluted Tam.
“Yes Sir.”
And nowTamsonhas a mother-effing boner. I wondered if it was the “yes” or the “sir”. Or both. I couldn’t understand what had warranted such a strong reaction.
Before I could inquire, Calax wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed the top of my head.
“I love you,” he whispered in my ear, quiet enough that even Tam couldn’t hear him. I was fine with that. This conversation was between Calax and myself - nobody else was privy to it.
“Love you more,” I responded back just as softly. I would never get tired of saying those words, words that I had neglected speaking for so long. My entire life, I didn’t think they could possibly apply to me. I was a broken, discarded toy undeserving of being loved and loving someone in return. Through my relationship with Calax and then Ryder, I was beginning to realize that I was a work in progress instead of something incapable of being mended. Time had chipped away at my innocence but not my capacity to love. Maybe, just maybe, I could make myself whole once more.
Calax reluctantly released me, and I skipped over to where Tam stood, linking my arm through his. He glanced up, shocked at my instigation of contact, before once again focusing his attention on the floor. Following the direction of his gaze, I tried to note if there was anything particularly exciting about this swath of carpeting. Not even a fucking blood-stain.
Such a disappointment.
“I’ll see you later, Calla-gator,” I quipped. I had expected him to crack a smile (after all, my jokes were amazing), but he instead leveled serious eyes in my direction.
“Please be careful,” he said. His hands clenched and then unclenched at his sides as if he wanted to grab me and make a run for it. “And come back to me.”
I understood where he was coming from. Fear. It was nearly as strong of an emotion as guilt. There were a lot of things that Calax feared, the biggest one being losing me. The mere thought of anything happening to any of these men made me nauseous. Hell would freeze over before a single hair was harmed on their big heads. So I understood it. He would always fear for my well-being in this new world characterized by entropy, just as I would his.
“Always,” I responded. And I would. Somehow, someway, we would find our way back to each other again. The alternative was too inconceivable to even consider.
Arm still linked with Tam’s, I hurried into the foyer. I had a feeling that my carefully constructed resolve would crumble if I had to spend another second looking into Calax’s anxious eyes.
Passing a mirror on the wall, I paused to consider myself. I was wearing a baggy shirt - courtesy of Calax - and ripped jeans. My brown hair was tucked away inside of a baseball cap. Though my features were still undeniably feminine, even I had to admit that the disguise was good. From a distance, I could be just another man.
“You’ll be fine,” Tam whispered. “I’ll be there to protect you.”
With any of the others, I might’ve scoffed at the notion that I needed protection. I hated the fact that they thought of me as somehow lesser, and I hated that I was restricted to the sidelines when I wanted nothing more than to defend what I perceived as mine. The guys? My twisted brain had claimed them all.
However, there was nothing but sincerity in Tam’s voice. It practically oozed from him in waves, an innate comfort that only Tam was capable of evoking from me. I had no doubt that he would throw himself in front of a blade if the need arose. The mere thought of him getting hurt at my expense made my stomach churn with a leaden, miserable feeling. The strength of my conviction frightened me, my heart racing in tandem to the swirling of my thoughts.
“Are you guys coming?” my friend Samantha called from where she was perched on the hood of the car. Like me, she was dressed completely in men’s clothing. I felt a pang akin to jealousy when I recognized the shirt as belonging to Asher, but I immediately quelled such a ridiculous response. It was just clothes.
Just clothes.
But when Elena appeared from the passenger side, Ronan’s white tank top and jacket covering her ample breasts, I saw red.
Tam, oblivious to my inner turmoil, gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
“Let’s go and get back before Calax murders everyone.”
I had the distinct feeling that he wasn’t joking.
