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For a moment, I almost felt bad. The man was fucked up, his body and face entirely unrecognizable. Just as quickly, I remembered the reasons why I had to interrogate him, and the pity was swept away in a tidal wave of anger.
When Fallon had first instructed me to keep an eye on the house Liz had previously occupied, I had thought it would be a complete waste of my time and skills. That all changed, however, when this ass face arrived. He had come for one reason and one reason only: Adelaide.
The lion mask still sat on the ground near his tied up feet, discarded.
Who do you work for?
What do they want with Addie?
Those were the questions I asked repeatedly, all of which he replied to with a stubborn shake of his head. I had to give him some credit - the man was loyal to a fault. I might’ve let him live if his very bane of existence didn’t threaten the life of the woman I loved.
Shame.
“What do you want to do with the body, Sarge?” I asked, and our team leader’s expression turned contemplative. On some, it might’ve been a serene expression. On him, it just appeared terrifying.
“Throw him outside. The Ragers will take care of him.”
Nodding my agreement, I hauled his heavy ass to the sliding screen door. A demented part within me sort of wished he was still alive, if only to feel the pain of Ragers tearing apart his flesh.
At least that bitch Liz got what was coming to her. There were some people that I merely hated...and some people that I wanted to see torn apart and then peed on by rabid monkeys on acid. Liz fell into the latter category.
After depositing the body, I waited for Fallon to climb into the car. My mind immediately began to wander, as it always did after an assignment.
“Why are you such a failure?”
The words were the only constant in my life. That, and the press of a boot against my stomach. Shivering on the cold basement ground, I could only look up at my father with wide eyes. He didn’t seem bothered by the fact that his one and only son was staring at him with undisguised disgust and terror. No, the man was utterly oblivious to anything but his own self.
As he kicked me yet again, tears gathered in my eyes. I had failed him. I had failed my father.
Bad son.
Bad Asher.
All I had ever wanted was to be good. Now, I had trouble discerning what was right and what was wrong. What was good and what was bad. Why was there no clear distinction? The world was just a fucking contradiction leaving nothing but a murky shade of gray.
Kick.
My body ached, and I curled in on myself like old, yellowing paper. I thought that if I could somehow make myself smaller, then maybe he would stop.
My eyes rested on the handle of a rusty hunting knife…
Kick.
Kick.
I was pulled from my thoughts by the driver’s side door slamming closed. Trembling, both from the suddenly chilled air and my own fear, I turned my face towards the window. Bloated, grey clouds hung low in the sky threatening rain. It was such a contrast to the sunny disposition earlier this morning.
The car ride back was silent. We passed only a few Ragers, all of which ran after the car. They became bored after only a minute, resuming their endless wandering.
Ragers.
My heart hurt when I saw their distorted, grotesque faces. They had been human once. Wives, husbands, fathers, and mothers. Children. Brothers and sisters. Now, they were nothing more than monsters.
Was that what human nature had resorted to? Was that evolution transforming us all into our true selves? The caveats of a human being were impossible to ignore. Perhaps we were all monsters. Perhaps this was a sign from God or whoever ran the universe that we were in dire need of change. Perhaps this was a punishment.
I knew that I was a monster. It was something I had accepted long ago. Addie may have believed that I was a sweet, innocent boy, but her perception of me was wrong and tainted by situations she couldn’t have possibly begun to understand. Sure, I may not have engaged in as much sexual activity as my brothers, but I was anything but innocent. My soul had long since been darkened by both my actions and my past.
Despite wanting her for myself, I knew that it could never be. I didn’t want my own darkness to tarnish her vibrant light.
