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Amazing.
“People do desperate things when they want to survive,” he said at last, voice quiet. Broken.
I thought of Elena’s stricken face as she stared at her fallen comrade. That was the same girl who had ran in the rain in a futile attempt to save me. But now, survival was brought into the picture. Who survived and who died. It was apparent from her hasty retreat that she had made her choice, and we all suffered the consequences.
But would I behave any differently? If I had to choose between me and a stranger?
I thought of Tommy just then. He had sacrificed someone he had loved for me, a girl he didn’t know. The bond forged from that decision was stronger than anything I had ever experienced before.
Hero. Survivor.
Was it possible to be both, or did you have to choose? Which decision was the correct one?
Tamson’s finger continued to idly draw shapes into my hand. Each touch was electric.
“I did bad things, both to myself and others. It was a choice between survival and my body. My integrity. I chose survival.”
Tears sprang to my eyes at his words. He had been a kid at the time. No kid should have to make such an impossible decision. I felt immense relief that he had been discovered by the others, that he had been molded into the man he was today.
“I realized something,” I said quietly. One of my hands was still clenched around the ball, while my other was being stroked by Tamson’s long fingers. I focused on the patterns he drew into my skin, envisioning his finger as a paintbrush.
“We went through all this shit, but look at how we turned out. We’re fighters. All of us. The shit we’ve been through only made us stronger. I wish that my life had been different, but at the same time, I’m grateful. Who knows what type of person I would’ve been if I hadn’t overcome all of these obstacles? Look at you! Kind, caring, strong. God, why did it take me so long to realize? I refuse to let my past chain me down. I am so much stronger than I was before, and I will only continue to grow in my strength.” As I spoke, I gained more conviction and animation. A smile broke my face apart. For so long, I had seen myself as a victim, but I wasn’t that. Not really. I was a survivor. The trials in my life may have been a burden, but my own interpretation of those events were the chains holding me back. For the first time, I felt free.
Tamson was staring at me with an unreadable expression. Before I could inquire, he closed the distance between us and kissed me.
A quick, hard kiss. Merely a whisper of what a kiss from Tam would feel like. One second his lips were on mine, demanding and persistent, and the next he had scrambled away from me. His face was red, and his eyes flickered from his boots, my legs, the ball, anywhere besides my eyes.
My lips tingled from his sudden yet unexpected kiss. I wantedmore. I wanted him. The intensity of that emotion was startling.
“Tam…” I said helplessly.
“I’ll be...I’m going to look around.”
Without another word, he was gone.
* * *
There was only somany times I could throw the ball against the wall. My thoughts were a whirlpool of various and contradicting thoughts and emotions. One part of me remembered the feel of Tam’s lips on my own. How soft they felt. The taste of him. The other part of me felt nothing but guilt as I envisioned Calax’s and Ryder’s faces. And then I remembered Calax’s words…
Gah. I was so confused. The more I thought about it, the more confused I became. What a shest. What a shit fest.
Between all of that, I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. Why had Tamson left so abruptly? Did he not want to kiss me? Were my feelings for him one-sided? I knew it was irrational to believe that all of the guys felt for me as I felt for them, but the wistful voice inside of me couldn’t help but hope.
So stupid.
Because of your idiotic decisions, you’re going to end up alone.
Wallowing in my own self-pity, I didn’t notice the car until it was directly in front of the store.
I let out a squeal. They had come for us! I knew they would, but I hadn’t expected them already. I could only hope that they had taken the necessary precautions to assure their protection. My excitement waned when four figures emerged from the car, silhouetted in the blighted sunlight.
They were all large and covered in thick, black clothing. I couldn’t recall the name of such an outfit, but it looked to be military level. If anything, the rain cascaded off of their black armor.
Confusion turned into fear as they marched towards the glass door. One of them stopped at the fallen body, kicked at her chest, before continuing forward. Rain continued to pelt them, though they moved as if they weren’t affected in the least. Slung over their shoulders were large guns.
“Tamson!” I cried.
They were moving closer.
