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“It’s okay,” he whispered into my hair, voice hoarse. “It’s okay, my love. I’m sorry I’m late. I’m sorry.”
And I continued to cry, arms wrapped around his waist, as indecipherable apologies escaped my lips. Apologies for being weak and desperate. Apologies for reverting back to the scared little girl they had met at the resort.
Apologies for forcing them to love a broken girl.
* * *
Tamson
After her heartbreaking sobs receded and she descended into unconsciousness, I remained holding her. In the months since Calax’s death, her body was thinner, weaker, despite the many hours she spent fighting. She never ate, barely slept, and could only last a few hours, at most, without one of us with her.
We didn’t mind, but we hated how this was slowly breaking her, chipping away the girl we loved more than anything else.
“She asleep?” Asher asked, voice tired.
“Yeah.” I kept my voice low as to not wake the sleeping beauty. She needed sleep desperately if the bags beneath her eyes were any indication.
“She’s getting worse,” Ronan mused, running his fingers through his green-tipped hair. The bastard had found a can of hair dye during one of our supply runs and had insisted on maintaining the green streaks. For Addie, who had a strange fascination with his hair. He, of course, was willing to oblige. Anything to see that smile on her angelic, heart-shaped face.
Addie’s behavior was troubling, to say the least. She was consistently cloaked in a shadow of pain and grief. Her haunted eyes were a pilgrimage to all she had endured.
“It’s depression, dumbasses.” Unsurprisingly, the cocky voice came from Doc. At his words, all of our heads snapped in his direction. He was languidly leaning back in his chair, sipping a mug of cold coffee. If he was perturbed by our undivided attention, he didn’t show it.
Ryder’s voice was scathing when he spoke next. “We know what the hell it is. What can we do to help her?”
“Euthanization might be beneficial,” he drawled. And that did it. Before we could stop him, Ryder charged towards the doctor, hands extended as if he meant to strangle him. Kai stood up automatically, and both Ronan and Asher moved to restrain the prowling beast that had replaced our friend. Ryder’s eyes were positively livid, a monster emerging from the dark depths.
“Say that again. I fucking dare you,” he hissed darkly. He bucked, once, against the hands holding him back before reluctantly moving to kneel beside Addie. His hand gripped hers as if she was his life preserver while he was adrift at sea.
Doc sighed heavily, folding his hands over his stomach. “There’s not much you can do, boys,” he admitted seriously. “Before the world went to shit, I would’ve recommended a therapist and some medicine, but now? Just continue loving her.”
Ronan released a humorless laugh. “That’s what we’ve been doing, asshole. But she’s still hurting, still grieving, and nothing we do can stop that.”
“You’re right,” Doc agreed, surprisingly amicable. “That girl there is a volcano seconds from exploding. Right now, she’s merely spitting out tiny bits of lava here and there. Nothing that can destroy a town or kill a community. But soon, that volcano is going to erupt and everyone will be a casualty. It’s not going to be pretty.”
Asher’s nails dug into his palms as he faced down the devil himself, the bane of our existence. I didn’t care that Doc had saved Addie’s life once upon a time. He was an asshole through and through. No amount of pretty, poetic metaphors and comparisons would change that fact.
“Fine. Ignore my ramblings. I only had, like, ten plus years of medical training. But it’s fine. Ignore the truth of what needs to be done with that girl of yours and watch what happens. It’s not you she’s going to hurt in that inevitable explosion, but herself.”
I was seething, a red fog obscuring my vision. If I didn’t have Addie in my arms, I would lunge towards the pompous asshole and tear his tongue out of his mouth. What he was implying…
I knew Addie was hurting, hurting deeply, but she wouldn’t resort to physically harming herself, would she?
The mere thought had me tightening my arms around her tiny form, almost imperceptibly.
Without another word, I gracefully rose to my feet, still holding Addie. Her head was tucked beneath my chin, and I couldn’t help but pepper a couple of kisses to her forehead.
Moving swiftly, not trusting myself to stay in the same room as Doc McStuffins without maiming him, I stepped into my bedroom and placed Addie on the bed.
She looked so peaceful when she slept. Regal, almost. A princess - a queen - in the flesh. She hated when Ronan used that endearment because she no longer saw herself as someone worthy of carrying a crown. She often compared herself to a prickly thorn, and a part of me wanted to agree with her.
But like with anything as beautiful as a rose, the pain inflicted was worth the inevitable end. I would hold a thousand thorny stems just to feast my eyes upon her beauty.
I removed her shoes and socks rhythmically, lost in my own thoughts.
I hated to see her hurting. She had always been an abnormally strong woman, but there was only so much she could take.
Had this finally been her breaking point?
No, I couldn’t believe that. She was still walking and smiling. Laughing and teasing. Her episodes were getting less and less frequent with time.
And, her pain now didn’t compare to the month directly following Calax’s death and our other two members’ disappearances. It didn’t even scratch the surface.
My heart gave a painful throb when I visualized her sobbing into her pillow, terrible, desperate sounds that pierced me like thousands of knives.
My own grief clogged my airway, my lungs, but combined with hers, it was almost unimaginable.
Shaking my head to clear the memory, I pulled back the blankets and crawled in beside her. She made a happy sound, immediately curling her body around my own.
“We’ll get through this,” I promised resolutely. I pressed my lips to the crown of her head and allowed them to linger. “We’ll all get through this.”
