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24
Kace
I’d never considered myself to be particularly afraid of the dark.
I was like most kids in that respect—I didn’t hate it necessarily, but I also didn’t seek it out. I was never the type to cower when my parents turned off my lamp at night, but I also didn’t protest when they left it on.
But this darkness?
This unending pit of angry howls, growls, and hisses?
My body became consumed by a terror I’d never felt or experienced before. A terror so absolute and damning that it made me lightheaded.
One second, I’d been reaching for Bianaca’s hand, and then the next…darkness.
There was no light to break up the monotony of blackness spreading out as far as the eye could see, thrumming with a malevolent energy. Even when I put my hands directly in front of my face, I couldn’t make them out.
The darkness seemed to cling to me like a second skin, seeping into my pores like a sickly, vitriolic poison.
My only companions in the darkness were my own thoughts, swirling rapidly like a wave pool.
I thought of Bianaca from only a few minutes earlier, her naked body spread out on the bed like a feast for my eyes. The way her lips felt against my own. The way her pussy squeezed my cock like a vise, milking me for all I was worth. The way her body writhed and shook beneath my own as I brought her to the precipice of pleasure.
And then I thought of my kiss with Aiden and the way his tongue piercing had felt, providing stimulation I’d never experienced before. His hard ass as I rammed into him, my hand pressing down on his neck to hold him still. And thenhiscock inside ofmyass, as he controlled the pace for both Bianaca and me. That hadn’t been the first time I’d gotten sexual with Aiden, but it was the only time it had ever felt like…more. I didn’t know how to describe it. It was almost as if the three of us were meant to be like this, inextricably connected and entangled.
I hadn’t suddenly fallen in love with him or anything, and my feelings for him were minor compared to what was growing inside of me for Bianaca, but I couldn’t say I would be too upset if we had a repeat performance.
But any goodwill I felt over my moment with Bianaca and Aiden dissipated when a monster growled in the distance, the noise seeming to reverberate from every direction. I squeezed my eyelids shut, hoping against all hope that I would wake up from this horrible nightmare, but when I reopened my eyes, I was still in the darkness.
What had happened to Bianaca? Was she in a similar darkness to my own? Was she scared as well?
Terror for her clawed at me, sinking its talons into my sides until blood welled.
Almost as if my thoughts had called to her, I heard a feminine voice in the distance scream, “Aiden?”
“Bianaca,” I breathed, venturing a tentative step closer. My legs shook, threatening to give out from underneath me, as adrenaline and weariness battled for dominance inside of me. “Bianaca!” My voice rose to a scream as I began to move even faster, searching the darkness desperately for her.
She needed to be all right.
For so long, I’d lived my life as a shell of a man. I knew my illness changed something fundamental inside of me, something I couldn’t articulate into words. I knew that some people considered me “lesser” because of my quirks.
But Bianaca had never stared at me as if I were a mistake or a failure. She held my hand when I was spiraling and reeled me back in when my impulsivity threatened to take over. I didn’t think I was in love with her yet, but I was definitely crushing. Hard. I wanted to see that sparkle in her eyes, hear her tinkling laugh, listen to her talk about everything and nothing all at once. But more than any of that, I just wanted to be with her. I didn’t care if we went to the Eiffel Tower in Paris or just the grocery store. As long as I was with her, the location didn’t matter.
She’ll never love you,a bitter voice sneered in my brain.She’ll never care about you the way you care about her. The way she cares about Tanner, Beau, and maybe even Aiden. You’re a fuckup, a failure, and she knows that.
“Bianaca!” I screamed once more, attempting to drown out the voice inside of my head. The same damning voice that always reprimanded me, that always put me down.
You’re a mistake,the voice continued as I screamed Bianaca’s name again. I didn’t care about the monsters lurking in the darkness. I didn’t care about anything except for finding her and keeping her safe.You’re fine now, but what are you going to do when you reach another low? Or another high? What if your bad decisions cost Bianaca her life? What if she gets tired of how…sadyou always are? What if she thinks you’re a burden?
SHUT UP!I screamed at the voice. I knew these thoughts were normal for any person with a mental illness, but I hated them. I hated the niggle of doubt that always slipped past my defenses, oozing through the cracks until all I could focus on was them. My doubts always made me think that I wasn’t good enough, that I’d never be good enough, and because of that, I couldn’t be happy. I wasn’tallowedto be happy, because in my mind, I didn’t deserve to be.
I didn’t deserve anything, really, except a lifetime of emptiness and loneliness.
But I’d be damned if I gave up Bianaca now. Not after I’d tasted her, felt her, seen the compassion in her eyes.
I screamed her name another time as I continued to forge onwards, consciously placing one foot in front of the other.
“Kace?” Confusion tinged her voice, sounding from directly in front of me.
