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Fortunately, I’ve just put the brush into my mouth, so while I’m working it over my teeth and tongue, I’ve got a moment to stall, trying to figure out what I should say. I don’t want to lie to him, but I’m afraid the truth will hurt him.
But my stall time runs out and I still don’t quite know what to say. “I think…” I say finally, “Maybe we should take a little break from our extracurriculars with Marlene.”
His eyebrows lift in surprise. “Oh. Is everything okay? Did you guys have a fight or something?” he asks.
“No, nothing like that,” I assure him, shaking my head, “It’s not a her thing, it’s a me thing. I’ve just got some stuff on my mind and I think maybe I could use a little space.”
“Oh,” he repeats, “Do you need space from me, too?”
“No,” I reach for him and pull him close to me, “I just…” a sigh escapes me and I press my forehead against Corey’s, “I don’t know what I need.”
“Tell me what’s going on, Andrei,” Corey says, pulling back from me slightly and searching my face with worried eyes, “Something’s obviously bothering you, and I want to help.”
“I don’t want to upset you,” I admit.
“You won’t,” he promises, “What’s upsetting me is watching you like this and feeling helpless.”
I take a step away from him, striding into our bedroom and sitting down on our bed. He leans in the doorway of the bathroom and watches me. I screw my eyes shut and run a hand across my forehead, a dull ache pounding in my skull. “I was wrong,” I blurt out, not sure how else to begin.
“About what?”
“About the Marlene thing, about being able to do this without any attachments,” I confess, slowly opening my eyes again, “I think I’m falling for her, Corey. But I love you, that hasn’t changed and it’s not going to, and I don’t know what to do with this new shit.”
I’m expecting anger, hurt, but the look on his face is actually one of relief. “I’ve kind of been feeling the same way,” he admits, “I keep trying to shove it down, since this shit’s just temporary, but I get how you’re feeling.”
There’s a tiny hypocritical pang of jealousy in my chest, hearing that he has feelings for someone else, even if they’re ones I share. But it passes quickly, and I feel the same relief that’s mirrored in his expression. “So, you think a break might be a good idea?”
He nods. “Maybe for now, while we figure things out. Maybe a little bit of separation will clear our heads some. And who knows, maybe she’s already pregnant, wasn’t she expecting her period later this week?”
Our very first attempts at knocking her up had been unsuccessful, but that was largely due to poor timing. She’d gotten her next period two days after our first tryst. So we’d waited and started trying again, placing extra emphasis on the day she was supposed to be most fertile.
According to her calendar, I think she was due for another period in about a day or two, but I don’t remember exactly. Either way, we’re all hoping Aunt Flo doesn’t decide to make a visit this week.
My mind flashes again on an image that’s popped into my brain about a million times over the last couple of weeks. My imagination turns one of our guest bedrooms into a nursery, and I have this crystal-clear image of myself leaning in the doorway, watching while Corey and Marlene put the baby to bed.
The two of them love to sing together at karaoke, a passion I’ve never shared, and I can just imagine the two of them duetting a lullaby to our kid.
But I have to remind myself of the big, glaring fact. This is her kid, not “our” kid. We’re just donors, we’ve said it a million times, and even if there were something else, how could that possibly work?
So no, better to get some separation now and nip this in the bud before it ruins everything.
Chapter Seven
Marlene
I’ve never really felt lonely before. Even living alone, I’ve never really felt isolated, but now, with near silence coming from Andrei and Corey over the last couple of days, I feel more alone than I’ve ever felt in my life.
They haven’t been ignoring me, but they said that they had some stuff going on and needed a little bit of a break, and so after almost six weeks of basically living in their back pocket, I’m back to my real life.
And I’m miserable.
Not to mention the fact that it’s a Friday night, and I’ve got nothing to do, nowhere to be. Cassidy’s on some kind of business trip halfway across the country, and all of my other friends are otherwise occupied.
I’d resigned myself to an evening at home, trying to lose myself in a book. But I couldn’t focus, and moved on to trying to watch some TV. Once again, I was unsuccessful, unable to think about anything but Corey and Andrei, and I realize that I have no desire to sit here and wallow on a Friday night.
I’m not drinking at the moment, so a bar probably wouldn’t be much fun. Not that I’m much of a drinker normally, save the occasional glass of wine. I glance at my phone for events in the area, hoping for maybe a concert or a comedy show or something, and see an open mic night going on in one of my favorite cafes.
It’s not my normal thing, but it sounds like the perfect distraction, so I change out of my sweatpants and into something suitable for the public. I gather my purse and my keys and I’m off, making my way to the café.
