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I can’t believe that Shaun’s back here in Lacqua Bend, let alone sharing an apartment with the guy I’m seeing. I wondered how long he’d been back here and remembered Elliot mentioning in passing that they’d been living together for about eight months or so.
But even with that info, who knows? Could he have been here in town, hiding out this whole time? And even if he really did leave, what the hell would have brought him back here?
I don’t know, but it shouldn’t matter, any of it. It’s been six years, six very long years, and Shaun’s made it crystal clear in that time that he’s just fine spending the rest of his life without me. Nothing’s changed.
But at the same time, it feels like everything’s changed, like the very earth I walk on has been yanked out from under my feet.
My feelings for Elliot haven’t changed, but at the same time, how am I going to be okay with knowing that at the end of a date with me, he’ll go home and hang out with my ex? I don’t think I’d be able to bring myself to set foot inside his place again, either.
But am I willing to lose him just because he happens to live with my ex-boyfriend? The thought of snuffing out the slowly growing flame between us makes my chest ache and tears spring to my eyes for what feels like the millionth time.
I am in love with Elliot. I hadn’t even admitted it to myself up until this point, but I do. All of those terrifying feelings I’d avoided since Shaun walked out of my life, they’ve snuck up on me, and now I know I’m in deep. But is new love enough to get past old pain?
I ball my fists into my eyes, sighing. I hate this, I just don’t know what to think, what to do, or how to calm my racing thoughts long enough to make sense of a single one.
A knock at my front door momentarily draws me out of my self-pity, and I wonder who it could possibly be. I’m expecting a solicitor of some sort with a pamphlet I’ll promptly throw away, but I’m hoping that maybe it’ll be Elliot.
I think some part of me should have known it would be Shaun standing on my doorstep, but it hits as a surprise all the same.
It’s not at intense as it had been to see him the night before, but even so, it shakes me. It’s like going back in time, he looks so much like I remember him, but the time is there, too, I can see the changes in his face.
“Hey,” he says softly.
“Hello.”
I keep my tone cool and clipped.
“So I uh, think we might need to talk,” he says.
“Do we?” I fold my arms over my chest, “I don’t think I have anything to discuss with you.”
He sighs and rakes his hand through his hair. “Look, I get it, you hate me, that’s fine. I would, too. And you’re welcome to keep hating me, all I’m asking is that you let me speak for a few minutes.”
His eyes meet mine, his expression pleading, and while some petty part of me wants to slam the door in his face, a more mature part sighs and swings the door open to let him in.
Tentatively, he steps inside, and I wordlessly guide him to the living room, plunking down on the couch and looking up at him with arms still folded over my chest. “All right. Speak.”
He looks around a little. “You’ve got a nice place,” he remarks.
“I’m giving you a few minutes, that doesn’t give you a whole lot of time for small talk,” I reply flatly.
The look on his face makes me feel a twinge of guilt. Back when the two of us were together, I could never stand to see him in pain, and even now, the torment etched in his expression gets under my skin. I shouldn’t care, but I do.
He’s wrong. I don’t hate him. All these years, I’ve told myself I did, but seeing him face-to-face, I know that I don’t. No matter how much I wish I did.
“I know this whole thing has to be weird, but I just wanted to tell you that I hope you’re not going to let our history come between you and Elliot. He’s a great guy, and I’ve seen for the last two months or whatever just how happy you make him.”
I stare in utter disbelief as he rambles. “Last night wasn’t Elliot’s fault, he had no idea about any of this. I didn’t know you were the one he was dating or I would have said something sooner, but obviously he didn’t know anything about our history, so I hope you aren’t going to let it come between the two of you-”
I burst out laughing. “You’re kidding me. This is some kind of a joke, right?”
Shaun looks taken aback and I just shake my head. “That’s seriously all you have to say to me? After all this time, you’re really just here to play wingman for your fucking roommate? Thanks, I appreciate the input.”
Despite my “ice queen” act, the pure sorrow in his eyes cuts me to the marrow. “What do you want me to say, Lena?”
“Gee, maybe an apology, for starters?”
This time, he’s the one who laughs, a sharp, bitter sound. “An apology? What apology do you think I can possibly give that will go even a fraction of the way toward making up for Owen’s death?”
