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“Huh? Um, I mean…what?” I blinked, and then looked away, slowly bringing my hand up as I yawned. Maybe he would think it was sleepiness keeping me from answering him right away rather than my heated perusal of his body. The flush in my cheeks spread down to my neck. Damnit.
“I just wanted to know if you wanted a specific side,” Marvrepeated.
“Oh, uh, it doesn’t really matter,” I said, pausing in the doorway of the room. “But isn’t it kind of cramped here, in the house? I could go back to the dorm and sleep so there’s more room for all ofyou.”
Marv shook his head, groaning. “No, God, no. Please come sleep with me tonight. I’ve gotten shit sleep since you’ve been staying in thedorms.”
“I don’t have anything to sleep in,” Isaid.
Putting his hands on his well-defined hips, Marv’s head lolled back and he stared at the ceiling. “I’ll give you something of mine to wear.” He straightened to look at me with pleading eyes. “Please stay? We have to leave earlyanyway.”
“I don’t know, Lizzie’s been calling—she’s probably wondering where I am.”Why was I arguing with him?Okay, maybe I did know why. That bed combined with Marv’s half naked body and the bathroom incident with Grayson were all converging onme.
Even though my shoulders drooped with tiredness, my legs were tight and the space between them even tighter. If I crawled into bed with Marv with him looking likethat, I wasn’t so sure I wouldn’t jump him. My body seemed to be throwing off some major signals, telling me that my time would come. But I couldn’t—more likeshouldn’t—even consider having sex with one of them until we had worked everything elseout.
Marv looked at me, his gray eyes piercing in the dim lighting of the bedroom. "Do you not want to stay?" he asked quietly. "Is it because of...them?Us?"
I bit my lip.Isthat why I was arguing with him? Because of all of the complexities between us and the others. I turned my gaze down to the frayed carpet. How was I supposed to answer? I didn't have a true answer, one that I knew was undoubtedly right. I didn't want to lead him on—I didn't want to lead any of themon.
Marv's bare feet padded softly across the floor as he approached me. His shadow crossed over my front and those same feet appeared in my line of vision. The dim lighting was reduced to mere glimmers in the background as I tilted my chin up again and met Marv's gaze. "Harlow." He searched my face—for what I didn't know. "Please stay with metonight."
My heart pounded against my chest, throbbing in all my pulse points. My eyes slid down to Marv's lips as I stepped further into the room and Marv reached up, taking the edge of the door and swinging it closed behind us. We were alone in the room together and somehow, it became a magical place when Marv took my hand and gently pulled me towards the queen-sized bed. It almost reminded me of the first night Marv had crawled through my bedroom window and laid beside me while my mother slept in a nearby room. That time felt so long ago, but in actuality, it was only mere months. We had become so much sincethen.
"What..." I began, my mouth drying up as I tried to continue. I stopped and swallowed against my heavy tongue before licking my lips. "What—"
Marv shook his head, stopping me. "I don't expect anything from you, Harlow." His voice dropped to a whisper. "And I don't want anything you aren't ready to giveme."
Tears burned at the back of my eyes. That was the issue. I thought I was ready. When Marv moved to pull his hand away, I held on. Steel clashed against steel as he paused, and his eyes slowly raised up. The swirl of silver and gray in his irises was hypnotic, entrancing. It was like a gravitational pull. I didn't realize that I had moved closer until I was pressed against him, our hands still connected and our chests less than an inch away from eachother.
"Sunshine?"
"Would you look at me any differently," I began, "if I told you that I wantedyou?"
Fire erupted in those tornado eyes. "Of coursenot."
"Would you look at me any differently," I said again, "if I told you that I wanted Knix, too. Or Bellamy. Or Texas...orGrayson?"
I waited with silent breaths. This moment would tell me what I could do. His answer—however unfair—would likely be a precursor to the others. How far would they bend? How far could I push before I losteverything?
He swallowed, and the fire died a little bit in his eyes. It made an ache bloom in my chest to see, but I needed to be upfront with them—all of them. No matter if it made me bold, it was only fair. Thanks to those seriously heavy-duty pain meds in the hospital, they now knew everything. My thoughts and what I wanted and what I didn'twant.
"I still..." Marv gritted his teeth and had to close his eyes as he continued, "I still want you. Even if I have to share you." He reopened his eyes and I was floored by the tidal wave of indecision and anguish in those murky depths. "But I don't know if I trustGrayson."
My head fell forward, bumping his sternum. "I thought you guys were getting alongbetter."
"We're here for the mission," Marv said. His hands rose, hovered over my shoulders for a few seconds before eventually descending and resting there, thumbs smoothing over the space above my collarbone. I shivered when his skin touched mine and those thumbs dipped into the neckline of thedress.
It was hard to pull myself away again, but it had to be done. "Please talk to him," I stated firmly. It needed to be over. Whatever their issues, it was clear that Grayson's tough exterior and sarcastic wit was merely a facade. He was vulnerable, and the longer he spent in close proximity to Marv, the more it came through and the less he portrayed his asshole behavior. I grabbed onto Marv's biceps when he dropped his arms and went to turn away. "No," I snapped, "you can't run from this. Forget about me or us or this—" I broke off, disgruntled. "—whatever we have going on in the group and think about him. Think aboutyou," I urged. "Stop letting the past affect you. Talk to him. Find out what happened." I squeezed his arms, feeling the muscles there and shoving away all the girly butterflies they brought. "Marv.Please."
"You really love him, don't you?" Marv's voice was raw, as if it had been scraped until his vocal chords were barely hanging on, strung together by the barest muscles andnerves.
I shook my head—I couldn't be sure if I loved Grayson yet. I knew I loved Marv, though, and I knew he couldn't move past anything until he spoke to Grayson. They were both passing each other like sharks in the water; the same species circling and circling, waiting for blood to spill. But they were of the same skin. Maybe not biologically, but I could feel it. They were meant to be more than enemies, or whatever the world had made theminto.
"I want you to do it for you," I said, "but if you have to use me as an excuse, I don't care. I just want you to moveforward."
He eyed me skeptically. "That's what you want?" I nodded sharply, no hesitation. “Right now?” heasked.
“If not now, then when?” I shotback.
