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“I—I—” I had no clue what to say.
“You don’t need to explain anything to me,” Texas rushed to say, “but he was worried and he didn’t know how to ask if you—if you’re—”
“I’m on birth control,” I said. “I didn’t use a condom with Marv either.”
“Oh.” After a beat, Texas pulled his hands away.
Bereftness followed his action. “I didn’t want to talk about it just yet, but we were going to talk to everyone when this was all over,” I said.
“Birth control isn’t one-hundred percent effective,” Texas said quietly, his eyes lowering.
“I don’t…” My breath struggled in my lungs, coming in short sporadic puffs of air. My body didn’t feel like it was drawing enough in, and it was letting too much out. “Do you not want…?” I tried.
Texas’ body clenched, but in the next breath, he slumped against the seat and bowed his head over his lap. Moving the laptop back to the floor, he set his elbows on his thighs and shoved both hands through his hair at the sides of his head. “A kid is a big deal, Harlow.”
“I’m not pregnant,” I pointed out.
“No, I know, but what if you were. You’re going to want kids at some point. The guys might want kids. I wouldn’t blame them and I could be that fun uncle, but…”
I shook my head, confused. “Texas, look at me,” I said. For a moment, I thought he wasn’t going to. He kept his face down, aimed at his knees. When he finally lifted his head, my heart broke at the expression on his face. “What’s this really about?” I asked gently.
“What if it was mine?” he asked.
“A child?” He nodded and I released a breath. “Would that be a bad thing?”
“I don’t know how to be a dad,” he admitted.
The whole world narrowed to that statement. It was said with such certainty, and yet, such fear, that it made me realize why he was acting this way.
I slid across the seat and reached over the console to him. I rested my hand on his shoulder and smiled. “Texas,” I began, “no one knows exactly how to be a dad, especially if they’ve never had kids before. You figure it out as you go along.”
“My parents were shit, Harlow,” he said. “They left, and while my grandparents were amazing, they weren’t my mom and dad. How can someone who didn’t have parentsbea parent?”
“I think…” I bit my lip. “I think sometimes the people who didn’t have parents can be the best at it.” I recognized the emotion in his eyes now. It was fear. “No matter what happens,” I continued. “I know you’d be an amazing dad.”
“How can you be so sure?” he asked.
I leaned down and pressed my cheek to his, closing my eyes as I breathed in his scent. Somehow, he always smelled like sweet vanilla. I wanted to roll across him and lather myself in the fragrance of him. “I just know,” I whispered against his skin. “I know because I know how much you care and what you’re willing to do for your family. You would do nothing less than everything you possibly could for your kids.” I brushed a kiss against his neck. “Trust me.”
Texas didn’t return my affection for several long moments. I simply stayed where I was, relaxed against his unyielding body until I felt the core of him soften and an arm come up, encircling my shoulders.
“I love you, Spider-Monkey,” he said.
“I love you too,” I replied. “I always will. Even if you’re a bit dense.”
He chuckled. “Me? Dense? I don’t think so.” His voice lifted as he looked up and stared out of the window.
“Oh, I definitely think so,” I argued playfully.
“Harlow.” Texas’ arm left my shoulder and he sat forward. I drew away, startled by the abrupt change in his tone. His eyes were glued to something across the street. I stopped and followed his gaze, gasping when I saw what had captured his attention.
“That’s him,” I said, rushing to unlock the door.
“Wait.” Texas’ hand shot out and locked on the door handle as I moved to turn it. “Stay here, call Marv, and tell him that Ollison is back at his apartment first.”
I nodded jerkily and reached into my pocket for my phone. I pressed the last called button and waited until the list of names came up. Clicking the green next to Marv’s icon, I put the phone to my ear and stared out of the windshield as it began to ring.
“This is Marv. Sorry I couldn’t get to your call, if you leave a—” I hung up and dialed Knix and then Bellamy and then Grayson, but received the same result each time. Shakily, I looked up at Texas.
