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“Retract your claws, kitten. First of all, I was only bluffing. I told her I would tell Phoenix where she is if she didn’t help me. I don’t want some lunatic number nerd coming to Corium. Second, I didn’t ask her to do anything crazy. I just needed some information on someone I’ve been looking for.”
Aspen inspects my face like she’s looking for an indication that I’m lying. When she’s satisfied that I’m telling the truth, she puts her head back down and buries her face in my chest.
She doesn’t ask about the person I’m searching for, but I can feel her mind working and her curiosity growing. I know she wants to know more, and surprisingly, I want to tell her. I’ve already told her most of the story. I might as well tell her the rest.
“When Adela got sick, we all got tested to see if we could donate bone marrow to her. My parents were acting weird about me getting tested, but I didn’t really think much of it. Not until I accidentally stumbled upon my full medical record. Ella is not my biological mom. I’ve been searching for my birth mother.”
Aspen gasps at my confession. Her fingers curl into the blanket, but she says nothing for a few moments. When she finally speaks, her voice is filled with emotions.
“Wow… that must’ve been a lot to take in at the time. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
It’s not even her place to apologize, but somehow, her words lift a weight off my chest. I didn’t realize how much I was craving validation for my pain until Aspen pointed it out.
I can’t even put into words how dark that time was for me. I was already lost and helpless watching Adela, my best friend, die. My little sister, who I was supposed to protect but couldn’t do anything to help. In the middle of losing that battle, I found out about my parents lying to me my whole life.
But the icing on the cake was that nobody really understood why I was so upset. Even Ren kept saying Ella is your mom no matter what. She is the one who raised you, and she loves you. Of course, he was adopted and would say that. But there was a big difference because Ren and Luna knew their whole life they were adopted.
My father lied to me, and when I asked him about my birth mother, he simply told me to let it go.
How can I let something like that go?
“Did Brittney find anything out about your birth mom?”
“Not much. My dad went out of his way to make her disappear. Brittney found out her name was Tia and that she’s dead.”
“I’m so sorry, Q.” Aspen sniffles like she is about to cry. “I love that name. Tia…”
“Yeah, it’s a pretty name.”
“Why do you think your dad kept it from you?”
“I really don’t know why he does half the things he does. Maybe he didn’t want me to treat Ella differently. I feel weird calling her Ella, even in my head,” I admit, feeling oddly comfortable sharing my thoughts with Aspen. My brain must have frost damage or something.
“I’m sure it is. I mean, she’s the only mom you’ve ever known.”
“Yeah… but I still want to know what happened to my birth mother. I owe her that much.”
“Why do you think you owe her anything?”
Logically, I know it’s not my fault. I was just a baby, but part of me feels so fucking guilty about forgetting her. I should have remembered her. I should have somehow held on to her. She is part of me, just like I am part of her. An invisible connection that I let slip through my fingers, and now I will never get it back.
