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“It tracks with everything she’s said about him. He cared about his boys more than he ever did about her, but ultimately, he cared about himself most of all.”
“At least you know she was telling the truth about that much.”
“Not that it does much good. She had to go and destroy herself.”
Nic makes a thoughtful noise. “Is that what she did?”
“How can you ask me that? She almost got Aspen killed. You think she deserves to live after that?”
“It’s not me we’re talking about here. It’s you.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I gulp the rest of my drink, but the anger brewing in my chest is hotter than the path the liquor carves as it goes down my throat.
“I don’t know what it’s supposed to mean. I know that no matter what happens, you’re going to do what’s right for you and your kid. At the end of the day, that’s all any of us can do. We protect what’s ours.”
But that’s the problem I have to face after getting off the call. Sitting in my silent apartment, staring at the wall, considering pouring another drink. I didn’t protect what’s mine. I came in after the fact, once the protecting had been done. I had to be roused out of bed by a fucking guard. I wasn’t there when Aspen needed me once again. All I did was clean up the loose ends—and even then, that’s not been completely done since Delilah still sits in a cell. So long as she continues to live, that end has not been tied up.
Where is that dark side of me now? The side that found it so easy to punish her until she screamed? I could use him right about now. He would make it possible for me to finish this, as I know it needs to be finished.
It doesn’t help that everything I set eyes on in this place brings up a memory of her. Having dinner, watching a movie, and even sitting in silence while we both worked. And of course, the bedrooms carry their own memories.
Even if I kill her, I’ll never be rid of her. And that’s on me. That’s my weakness, my stupid mistake. I allowed her to get too close, so close that her betrayal struck me to my core. I lost perspective because I lost my grip on myself. Time and again, I went against what instinct told me was right in favor of what I wanted at the moment.
And always, I told myself I had it under control.
There’s only one thing I can do. What I should have done from the beginning. Rather than pour another drink, I go to the guest room and pull out a set of clean clothes. I add a clean blanket to the pile and pin two bottles of water under my arm, then head out for the holding cells. It’s late enough that the halls are virtually empty, and anyone who happens to see me in passing doesn’t exactly take pains to start a conversation. I can only imagine how I must look. One thing I’ve always been able to do is put on a foreboding image. The mood I’m in, I don’t have to try. It radiates from me.
This time, when the guard unlocks the door, I tell him to wait outside. This is a conversation we need to have in private.
She’s curled up in the corner of the cot, facing the wall. I tell myself not to pay attention to that, dropping the pile at the foot of the bed. “These are for you,” I mutter before backing away.
She finally dares to glance over her shoulder. Once she’s confirmed I’m alone, she looks at what I’ve brought her. I don’t expect thanks, and I don’t get any. “I was kind of hoping for a steak.”
“As it turns out, the kitchen is fresh out of steak for people who scheme to get other students killed.”
She turns her face toward the wall again, her shoulders rising and falling as she sighs. “Anything else? Did you want to fuck me until I bleed this time?”
“Not this time. Not ever. That’s never happening again.”
She snorts. “So you’ve said before.”
“This time, I mean it. This time, I’m going to do what I should have done all along. I’m going to stay away from you. You’re on your own now, Delilah.”
A half-hearted chuckle falls from her lips. “I’ve always been on my own, Lucas. Don’t you get that?”
“No, it’s you who doesn't get it. You could have had something good here at Corium. You could have had a friend… maybe even more. You were the one who threw it all away.”
Her breathing hitches, betraying her. Not that I didn’t know this was all an act. She’s suffering, no doubt about that, no matter how she tries to pretend otherwise.
Finally, she rolls over, and I can’t shake the stirring in my chest when I see how haunted she looks with her big eyes and sunken cheeks. It’s only been a few days that she’s been kept without food, but the effect is visible. “So that’s it?” she whispers. “I can go?”
“When did I say that? No, you will remain at Corium. I let the council decide what to do with you. This is the last kindness I will extend to you.” I nod at the pile of clothes.
“No. No, please.” She sits up, shaking, as the last of her pride falls away. “Please, don’t leave me down here. I didn’t hurt her. I wasn’t going to; I told them I wouldn’t be able to do that.”
“Told who?”
She presses her chapped lips together into a tight line. I let out a frustrated sigh at her unwavering unwillingness to talk.
