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LUCAS
Goddamnit. What the fuck is wrong with me? It was one thing to keep her here. I could say it was to keep her safe from rumors and accusations. That I’m doing it to punish her for her role in what was done to my daughter. My flesh and blood.
But this? My cock is soft now, but it wasn’t a minute ago in Delilah’s mouth. I should’ve left her kneeling there, feeling like an asshole.
Instead, I let all my old shit take over, and now the worst possible thing has happened.
I liked it, and I want more. Not even so much the blowjob, which was fine and everything. I want to use her the way I did back there. I poured all my anger and guilt over Aspen into her. I punished her because I couldn’t punish myself enough.
Lauren would be so pleased with me if she knew I was connecting the dots like this. She might even say I’m growing. No, on the other hand, growth would mean stopping myself before making a pathetic mistake like letting a teenager suck my dick.
She’s nothing. She’s nobody. I shouldn’t even bother asking myself questions like that. It’s something that happened, and it’ll never happen again. Besides, if I’m being honest with myself, I have to admit it felt damn good. It’s been a long time since I’ve vented my anger that way. Now I remember why I liked it so much. Being in control. Making somebody else hurt the way I was hurting. Getting off on their discomfort or pain.
It seems like this girl brings out all the worst parts in me. But it’s not like I can let her go. Obviously, I need to figure out a plan because the way things are going, I’ll end up fucking my entire life.
We eat dinner in silence. Only once do I look at her and find her smirking down at her plate. I want to ask what the hell she’s smirking about, but I know the answer. The snide little bitch thinks she has something to hold over my head. She can only do that if I make a big thing about it, so I can’t let myself do it even when I want to climb over the table, take her throat in my hands, and demand she tell me what the fuck is so funny.
This is a problem. Now that I know how good it feels to use her, I’m going to need to do it again. She makes it so easy. And fuck, I want to. I didn’t know how much shit I was bottling up in my gut until I vented some of it earlier.
“You’ll sleep in the guest room tonight.” It’s the first time either of us has said anything, and I waited until gathering up the used dishes after we’re finished eating to say it.
“Oh, really? What did I do to deserve that?”
Smart-mouthed little bitch. I count to five in my head before setting down the dishes. Otherwise, I might’ve thrown them on the floor. “Nothing,” I grit out, my back to her. “I don’t want you sleeping in my room anymore. That’s all.”
“Okay.” She sounds meek again, which is how I like it. Eventually, she’ll have to learn to stop fucking with me. What if I told her there’s no way I’d be able to stop hurting her once I got started? That having her that close, prone, and at my command might be too much to resist? She’d drop that bullshit flirtatious tone real fast.
“Come on. Might as well settle in early and get it over with.” I give her time to use the bathroom and wash up before taking her to the guest room. This is a good idea. Out of sight, out of mind. She looks worried when I turn to give her one last look before closing and locking the bedroom door. I like that look too much. It means I got through to her, and maybe she’ll stop pushing me too far.
Though getting her out of my face hasn’t helped. I’m restless and agitated, pacing the apartment like a caged tiger. I decide to call my brother and let him talk me off the edge before I do something stupid.
Sitting at the small desk in the corner of the bedroom, I flip open my laptop and video call Nic. He answers so quickly that I wonder if he has been waiting for me.
“Hey fuckface,” I greet.
“Very mature.” Nic shakes his head, giving me a disapproving stare.
“I have to be a full-blown adult all the time. If I can’t call my brother fuckface every once in a while, what’s there to live for?” I joke.
“Is that the only reason you called?”
“No, I wanted to see your ugly face too. It reminds me that I’m the better-looking brother.”
“Good night, Lucas.” He lifts his hand as if he is about to hang up on me, but I stop him.
“Okay, calm down. I’ll cut it out.”
He sits back in his chair, still frowning like he is judging everything I do. So typical of him. His demeanor doesn’t stop me from needing his advice, though.
“Quinton found out Valentine had a daughter no one knew about.”
That piques my brother’s interest. He leans forward on his elbows, listening intently. “Go on.”
“He was holding her for a while, questioning her, but couldn’t get anything out of her. There is very little information on her past. Valentine went to great lengths to keep her secret.”
“Where is she now?”
“Here… in my apartment.”
