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Chapter 14
Iknow you’re nothing like Lilita,” Ash said, his hand still around mine. That small gesture gave me the strength to keep going, to stop feeling as if I were alone, to believe we’d find a way out of the mess tangled around the five ofus.
Tightening my hold, I glanced up at him. “That means a lot. But you’re all probably thinking I’m a monster ready to killyou.”
“We’re scared of more than just Lilita, but I don’t see you as a beast.” He drew me downstairs and back through the house, past doors I hadn’t explored yet. An old kitchen. Dining room. Restroom. All drab, empty of life, and a constant reminder of what was at stake for the princes should theyfail.
And while I easily admitted to helping them because they deserved support, I’d confess that with the time bomb now ticking under my breastbone, I felt like screaming and running back home. But then what? Try to evade the rebels outside and leave the princes in a worse situation than when I’d arrived? But what if being away from them was for the best? There’d be no Lilita to control them, yet with me gone, where would they find another witch? Right, because I’d been such a huge assistance sofar.
Hurrying down a long corridor, windows on one side and decorative shields on the other, I stared at the double doors weapproached.
“Aren’t you scared?” I asked. “Because I am. I feel like a rabbit surrounded bywolves.”
“A little.” His hand squeezed mine. “After we retrieved my parents and Vivienne’s bodies from the bottom of the cliff, I think a part of me died with them that day. Even since, I’ve realized that if fate’s coming for me, who am I to stop it? At least I might see themagain.”
“That breaks my heart.” What would Dad do if I never returned home? Would he spend the rest of his life searching for me in vain? I’d want him to go on with life, enjoy what he had, not waste it on me. Yet I remembered the weeks and months I’d spent hidden in my room after Mom’s death, refusing to talk to anyone. Grief still stung like abitch.
Ash glanced down at me. “I don’t know how else to deal with the loss, even after all these years. And when Talin fell sick, the grief rose through me again, shredding me apart.” His voice broke, and he lookedaway.
I hugged him tight, my arms wrapped around his chest. “So that’s why you throw yourself into gardening and trying to get the snow roses togrow.”
Slowly, he softened against me, his muscles losing their tension, and he embraced me back. I sunk into the warmth of his body, his strength a shield from the world. His touch made my past somewhat bearable, and I prayed he felt thesame.
He pulled back, his eyes lightly glistening. “Guess we all have our escapes. Talin dives into community work, getting the royal families to work together and stop fighting. Raze hides behind his heroic deeds and goes out most nights fighting for anyone in trouble. Leven keeps to himself most of the time, not talking for a week at a time, but recently he’s hinting it might be time for him to find a wife. Expand the family line. Something I’ve been telling Talin he needs to doquick.”
I nodded, curious to understand how everyone dealt with grief in their own way. My way was to hide from the world. Dad’s had been to throw himself into inventing everything under the sun, forgetting to eat and sleep. Yet my thoughts revolved around Leven wanting a wife, and a streak of jealousy filled me, which was stupid and childish. I longed to find my own other half oneday.
“And what about you? What’s your escape?” His hand slid across my cheek, warm and calloused, but protective. His eyes glimmered against the light pouring in through the windows behind him. Ash stood tall over me, and if he’d wanted to, he could have snapped my neck in a flash with those muscles. But he had a soft expression and reminded me of my friend Scarlet. They might be powerful on the inside, but they treated the world with a feather-softapproach.
I responded in a raspy voice. “I spend a lot of time working on controlling my magic, strengthening my ability.”And keeping Lilita from taking over.Goddess, would I ever be normal and find happiness? “Plus, there’s mywriting.”
His fingers combed through my hair to the back of my head, and something about his closeness had me pressing closer. Anything to stop feeling as if I carried the world on my shoulders. His lips parted, and I stared at their deliciousness, hidden amidst his short stubble with goldenspecks.
“It’s definitely your erotic stories,” hesaid.
I stiffened at the men’s inability to separate sex from romance. “It’s a romance story, not just sex. But maybe you’re right. Throwing myself into these stories is something I enjoy and lets me forget myproblems.”
He laughed, thick and heavy. “And when you do get around to writing about me, I’d be honored.” Hewinked.
“You’re funny,” I said. “And if we were anywhere else and you weren’t a prince, I might even ask you out on a date. There’s this great little coffee shop near my place and we can chat about herbs and plants all day long.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I froze on the spot, abashed that I would even say that out loud. Being around Ash made me feel normal, as if he were a friend I had a crush on back home and he felt the same, but neither would make a move. I felt sostupid.
He melted me with his grin. “Who said I’d want to talk about vegetation? I’d rather hear more about you. Shall we head inside then?” Ash drew his hand back, but I grabbed for his wrist, keeping him in place. I didn’t want to be apart, or alone. For those few moments, I’d felt normal again, amazed I could even smile. His earlier words about my writing being my escape stayed with me. And in truth, I’d used it to distract myself from the darkness inside me, to pretend I was someone else without such a burden on her shoulders. What I did find was that each time I wrote just before my magical training, especially the super raunchy scenes, I’d always cast with precision, feeling stronger. I put that down to feeling horny from the scene, which relaxed my muscles, but what if that state of excitement and distraction strengthened my ability to keep my dark side at bay? To control my magicbetter?
“Hey, you know upstairs when you kissed Lilita,” I said, “and then she was thrown off you? What did youfeel?”
“Prettydisgusted.”
“That’s a bit harsh.” And now my earlier slip about a date had me blushing like abeetroot.
“Not from you, sweetie, but knowing it was her. A snap of energy just lanced across my mouth, ripping her off me. Weird,right?”
I nodded, unsure why a kiss would result in such a reaction. “Just toying with an idea. But what if the kiss drove Lilita away? Like an outlet for all the power I carry inside me. And maybe we’re somehow connected because of the cursebackfiring.”
Ash studied me, his gaze falling to my lips, and his closeness seducedme.
“It’s a crazy thought.” I broke free, but Ash collected me back into his embrace, our bodies pressed together as he leaned down. “But what if our kiss brings back Lilita?” Iasked.
“Considering our circumstances, I think we need to try out every possibility. I read somewhere once that true passion coming from the heart could drive darkness away. Maybe your passion is linked to kinky stuff.” He smirked, and I fake-slapped his arm, but he caught it and kissed the center of my palm. Every part of me buzzed, and a fiery desire roared awake insideme.
