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Chapter 21
Elyse
We lay together in bed, side by side, staring up at my ceiling, and part of me waited for Hades to disappear again. He couldn’t tell me to leave because it was my apartment, but he could get up and go. It was what he always did, and I expected it, had made up excuses for him so long it felt like second nature. But after his dick move when I almost died and he hadn’t rescued me, I’d been ready to move on, but of course that was the precise moment he had a change of heart and finally opened his goddamn eyes. Though I still wasn’t positive it was real, as I’d been here too many times with him.
After a while, when he remained in my bed, I turned to him. Hades slipped his hand around mine and brought my knuckles to his lips.
“Why are you still here?” I asked.
He rolled onto his side, propping his head on his elbow.
“I know I’ve been a dick, and I made you think that was all I’d ever be. But I don’t want to go. I didn’t come here for an argument, and I’m not going to leave after the hot sex. Not this time.”
“Then what did you come for?” I asked, waiting for the truth to drop, to hear him laugh at me for wanting him or whatever else he’d come up with. But when he didn’t, I rolled onto my side, too. For the first time in days, I couldn’t feel the dull pain in my ribs. I wasn’t sure if it was because I healed fast or because of what was happening right now, but things were starting to feel better, and a light beam of excitement fluttered through me that Hades might be mine.
I just didn’t know if I could trust it or let myself believe, only to get hurt again.
“I came here for you,” Hades said simply. “I don’t want to do this anymore, coming back and then leaving again. This time, I intend to stay.”
“Why?” I still didn’t understand what was going on. Hades had left me so many times, made me feel I was worth nothing to him so often, I wasn’t quite sure I understood the words coming out of his mouth.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, as if he was thinking about exactly how to word his response. It made me nervous—was he looking for the right words to appease me before he struck again?
“Because I nearly watched you die, Elyse,” he said. “More than once. And that’s a hell of a lot of pain to go through every time.”
“But you killed me that one time,” I replied.
He nodded, but he held my gaze, not ashamed. “If I hadn’t, X would have. And it would have hurt you a lot more. I did it because I knew you’d get through it. I did it to keep you safe.”
I shook my head, and hell, I understood what he was trying to say, but it didn’t compute. It sounded so convenient, didn’t it? Telling me he killed me to keep me safe. The irony seemed so thick.
“I struggle with what you do to me,” I finally explained.
“I’m not trying to do anything to you. I just can’t do this anymore. Can’t keep running away. I’m so tired of it. I’ve denied what I feel for so long because I didn’t want to get hurt again, or feel rejected, or be laughed at. Turns out it hurts way, way more when the person you love is in danger and you can’t do anything about it.”
I frowned, my breath caught in my chest. “Love?”
Hades nodded, the corners of his mouth twitching. “I’m in love with you.”
I shook my head again, unsure what to say or do. Was it possible that he actually had a heart?
“Everyone’s been telling me you care for me,” I said. “But I have to be honest. Even though I wanted to, I just couldn’t see it.”
“And that’s my fault.” His voice lowered. “The truth is, you’re the person I want to tell when something happens in my life. You’re the person I want to turn to when something goes wrong. Persephone was that woman for me for a long time, but it’s different with you. This is real. When I’m with you, it feels like everything works again, like there’s light in a life that has always been full of darkness.”
“So why now, suddenly?” I asked, still stunned Hades hadn’t fallen into a fluster of anger and vanished.
“Because you nearly died. This time, you weren’t coming back, and I couldn’t do it. If you were gone this time, I wouldn’t have a chance to tell you how I feel, and I’d carry that guilt with me for eternity. If my heart breaks, I might never recover. Forever is fucking long without the person you love. Trust me, I know.”
I shook my head, tangled in a confused knot of uncertainty, but happy. This was all out of the blue and very unlike Hades. But he seemed so very serious.
“You’ve pushed me away for a very long time.”
“I’ve been an idiot.”
“I still don’t know if I can trust you.”
He paused and sighed, his gaze falling to the mattress between us. His eyes darkened.
