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A musical sort of sound that resonated through my chest. She looked so beautiful when she laughed and finally let go. I wanted to spend an eternity making her laugh. Anything to rid her of the cloud of sadness hovering over her the past few days.
Had I said an eternity?
That couldn’t have been what I meant. Though an eternity with a woman like Lyndsey Saunders wouldn’t be so bad. She was witty, confident, and challenging as hell. All things that kept life interesting and enjoyable without being too overwhelming. She would be a good role model for a daughter, a bright light for my mother. Though, whether she’d enjoy settling down or not was another story.
I still wasn’t sure how my sister had come to hate this woman. She was nothing like what Vanessa claimed. Certainly nothing close to the image she painted of a villainous gold-digger trying to sink her claws into an inheritance that didn’t belong to her.
“I’m so sorry,” Lyndsey said, still trying to pull herself together after her last fit of laughter. “I thought it would work out. But I will keep looking.”
“It’s fine.” I waved off her concerns. “I asked for someone who was family-oriented. Maybe I should have specified that, that wasn’t all she should be into.”
She nodded. “Having a little more to go on for you would help.”
Right. Because I’d refused to let her help me from the start. Truth be told, I had no idea what I wanted anymore. Did I want a woman who wanted to settle down? Or did I want someone who inspired me to grow?
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I want someone to make mistakes with, someone to go on adventures with but is just as happy coming back home at the end of the day.”
“So, not a traditional wife?” she asked, her eyes all mine for the first time in a long time.
“Traditional is fine,” I explained. “I mean…”
God, how much did I tell her? Did she really need to hear all about my life, all the many paths and steps that led me to the situation in which I now stood?
“My father died a few months ago,” I said finally, drawing a breath to steady myself. “Suddenly, a heart attack. We didn’t even get to say goodbye. My mother has been devastated ever since, as you can imagine. Someone has to take the reins. You know, be the man.”
She watched me carefully. Her beautiful brown eyes softened, compassion flowing from every corner. She knew what it was like to lose someone special, to feel lost and disoriented without them. We’d had this conversation before. All the expectations people had for us, all the many things we needed to do to keep the memory of those we lost alive and thriving.
What did any of it matter in the end? She had been the one to say the dead rarely had expectations for us. Yet I had an obligation to my family—to my mother. Didn’t I?
“Since I was a young child...” I began. “...he made me promise to be the man of the household should anything ever happen to him. I had to take care of my mother and keep my sister in check. All the things he couldn’t do when he was gone.”
The understanding in her eyes transformed into something warmer, sadder almost. As if she wanted to reach across and soothe all the aches resurfacing now from this conversation. I didn’t want pity from anyone, especially her.
“That’s a huge responsibility,” she said finally, her words practically a whisper.
“It’smyresponsibility.” It was why I needed this so badly.
“But why?” Lyndsey asked. “I mean, you can’t keep Vanessa in check. I doubt your father could even do that. She’s a grown woman. She’ll make her own choices.”
I laughed. “True. But my mother…”
“Will also find her own way.” Lyndsey reached out and covered my hand with hers. I ignored the sudden pulse of electricity surging through me like the last kiss of warmth before death— inviting, calming, and worth every bit of the sacrifice. My heart rate sped, signaling its own surrender to the void. Another moment with this woman and I wasn’t sure what might happen. I’d either lose all sense of myself and make mistakes we’d both regret, or I’d die happy.
“It’s hard to watch the ones we love get older,” Lyndsey said, drawing me back to the conversation. “We want to be there for them. We want to do all we can. But sometimes, there is only so much we can do. I’m sure the last thing your mother wants is someone watching her like a hawk twenty-four seven.”
“It’s not that.” Absently, my fingers closed over hers. They felt so delicate and soft between my calloused hands, yet she did not pull away. The slight hitch in her breath stood as the only indication she even knew what was happening, even knew how close we now sat to one another.
Her eyes latched onto my hands holding hers, the trail of my fingertips following along each line and crease as if attempting to commit it to memory. Perhaps I was. Perhaps this was as close to perfection as I’d ever get. As much as I wanted to deny Lyndsey Saunders meant anything to me, every second I spent with her echoed through my thoughts like a painful reminder.
I wanted this woman. Not once. Not for a few weeks. I wanted her for a lifetime.
And she was the one woman I couldn’t have.
“What is it, then?” she asked, her voice low and husky.
“I just think having someone else around will be good for her. Vanessa isn’t really around much. She’s so invested in her career. And I definitely can’t be around as much as I’d like. My mother worries about me constantly.”
“I’m sure having a few grandbabies running around wouldn’t hurt,” Lyndsey said. The warmth in her smile spread across my chest, encircling me like the glow of a campfire. I could easily imagine her at my mother’s home, chasing a pair of blonde-haired toddlers as lovely and headstrong as she was.
