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That one word bounced around my head day and night. When I went to bed and when I woke up, it was still there. Adrian wasn’t exactly doing anything to lessen its impact either. He would track me down at the hospital, seemingly able to find me anywhere I went. He was a hard-ass on all the new interns, including myself, until it came time for a break. If he wasn’t on break, he’d take a detour on his route to talk to me. I found his presence to be sudden, intrusive, and strangely charming. He would show up sometimes wearing scrubs, sometimes wearing his smart shirt and pants, depending on what he had planned for the day.
On one particular Tuesday, I woke up and realized I felt happy. I hadn’t woken up happy since joining the hospital. Usually, I woke up confused. I would go to sleep in such a state of exhaustion, that the next morning, my body had no idea how I’d gotten into my bed. I was happy it was Tuesday though, because it was finally my day off.
I hadn’t appreciated days off until I worked in the hospital. Usually, they were days that just meant catching up on laundry and studying. A day off from the hospital, though, that was special. I could lay in bed for as long as I wanted, and I did exactly that. I pulled the book I had once hoped to finish reading off the bedside table and pulled it open to where I’d left off. Laziness, in small increments, feltgood.
I read for all of ten minutes before it occurred to me that something was wrong. I could hear people out on the street, and I could accept that life was going on, but it was tooquiet. Too damn quiet. I had gotten used to the hustle and bustle of the hospital, and now my apartment felt wrong. I got up, laying the book on the unmade bed, and walked across my bedroom floor. I stepped out onto the cooler flooring, and the whole place looked lonely. I had wanted the kind of place that I could call my own, but I briefly wondered if I should have moved in with roommates. Even if I wasn’t a big fan of other people, the quiet of my own apartment might have seemed less disturbing with other warm bodies to fill the space.
I stuffed a banana in my mouth and stared around the barren living area. It had a chair and sofa, along with a desk, bookshelf, and coffee table. It was so devoid of personal belongings that anyone could have lived there; it could have been a showroom. The idea of sitting down at my desk was suffocating, even with the sunlight filtering through the window in front of it. I had never expected tonotknow what to do with myself. There was always more to study, more to learn, and yet, the idea of holing up in my personal space was, for once, abhorrent.
I changed out of my pajamas, settled on jeans and a t-shirt, and slid my glasses onto my nose instead of wearing contacts. My hair ended up in a messy bun, and I made sure my running shoes were clean enough for indoors before sliding into them. In the mirror, I still looked tired like most interns, but I also looked comfortable. I grabbed my bookbag and headed into the sunlight.
I could practically feel the vitamin D soaking into my skin. My skin was usually tan, the natural complexion I inherited from my father making me glow in the sunlight, but even so, I felt pale, knowing I looked it too.
I strode over the tracks, past Sweet Nell’s, and kept going. I didn’t know where I was headed: maybe a library, or even a nice patch of grass where I could sit and enjoy the beautiful day. Apparently, my brain was making my decision for me though, because when Mass General loomed over me, I didn’t feel annoyed but rather at home.
I stepped inside, only planning to head for the library, but something stopped me.
Ofcourse,Adrian was there. He was talking to someone I didn’t recognize, but he lookedgood. The sunlight slanted through the glass and landed on his brown hair, highlighting the hints of auburn that hid there. He was smiling, clearly enjoying his conversation. His eyes sparkled and his teeth shone when he smiled. He spoke with his hands, making small gestures to emphasise what he was saying. The man he was speaking to was finding the conversation just as engaging, smiling back at Adrian. He said something and the laughter that filtered from both of them was music to my ears. The man turned to leave, and Adrian turned with him. He almost caught me staring, but I dashed behind a wall, praying he hadn’t seen me. I couldn’t let him see me looking so terrible— even if we were just friends.
I stalked down the hallway, going the long way around, and finally found myself in the cafeteria. I could have gone to Treadwell, the hospital’s library, but knew I was more likely to find my desired level of noise in a place like the dining hall.
I was right. It was mid-morning, and there was a steady stream of people, although it wasn’t too busy. I wandered over to the “staff only” area and settled at a table in the corner. I pulled my books out before deciding I might want a coffee. I grabbed one, and headed back to my table, wondering if I could find something to help Jasmine in my textbooks or if I should be reading the most recently published medical journals. I decided that if my books couldn’t yield any results, I’d head over to Treadwell and see what they could offer.
I was so caught up in my thought process, trying to remember if paediatric mechanical hearts were out of the human trials, that I didn’t see the person sitting at my table. When I did look up, I was prepared to ask them to move—there were plenty of free spaces without books spread over them, but it was the one person I’d tried to avoid.
“Adrian,” I greeted dryly.
“Hey, Stevie,” he responded. “I thought you had a day off today?”
His eyes scanned up and down what I was wearing and the coffee in my hand. They landed on my eyes, and I tried to meet them with my most unfazed expression, but he could clearly see right through me.
“I do.”
Strangely, the man’s face fell. He looked at me like he might bedisappointedin me. I wasn’t sure why, but for whatever reason, it didn’t sit well with me. It made my heart hurt to think I’d somehow disappointed him, and I felt my spirits drop.
“I thought we talked about the importance of relaxing,” he said quietly.
“And I have awholeday to do that. Can’t I do some research for a few hours?”
“You could. Or you could stop trying to burn yourself out.”
I rubbed my hands over my eyes.
“The best surgeons don’t get to the top of their game by being lazy—”
He cut me off.
“You’re right. They get to the top of their game by making sure their physical and mental needs are met so they can provide the best care possible for their patients.”
I grumbled something about him being wrong, but the man just continued speaking.
“And you are not looking after yourself. Believe it or not, I’ve learned a couple of things over the last ten years, and that starts with self-care. Your hair is dull, so you’re probably suffering a vitamin deficiency, or you’re stressed. Your skin is pale and dry, but I can see the oil deposits that will form zits—again, stress and vitamin deficiency, but also sleep. Between your skin, the dark circles under your eyes, and the way you’re almost slumping, I can tell you’re tired. Are you tired, Stevie?”
I finally understood why people called him an ass.
“Now I understand why people call you an ass.”
My voice was sharp, and I didn’t care. I might not have been the vainest or most looks-oriented girl in the city, but he’d still said I looked dull, dry, and prone to breakouts. That was enough to put anyone in a sour mood, especially coming from a man that looked as good as Adrian.
