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I nodded and stepped forward again, intending to take her in my arms but she stopped me. Her arms unfolded and she laid her palms flat on my chest. I halted where I was, still in her personal space but not close enough to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her, heaven knew I did. The weeks of agonizing over how little I might have meant to her were painful, and I hadn’t known how to handle it. Knowing that we never meant to hurt each other, that the hectic nature of our jobs and our own, stupidly stubborn brains had messed things up was more than I could have asked for. No one was in the wrong. We could still be together.
“None of this means we can be together,” she muttered.
“What?” I stepped back, not sure I was hearing her right. “What do you mean? The board might disapprove, but as long as we go through all the proper channels—”
“I could still gain a reputation as the intern that used a head of department to climb her way to the top. Even if we did everything right, it could still go downhill for my career. Don’t you think it looks a little too convenient that you’re the head of the department I’ve been vocal about loving?”
I shook my head, once, twice, three times. I was trying to clear the sound of bees from where they were buzzing at the back of my skull. Of course, just like she’d been in the OR, she was correct. I really shouldn’t have expected anything less from her.
Stevie looked stressed though. She swiped a hand over her face and pinched the bridge of her nose before meeting my eyes again.
“Adrian…” she muttered, and the sound shot straight to my heart. “I still want to be your friend. I don’t want this to just be a case of us only speaking when I’m on your rotation. I...care for you.”
I gulped. Could I do it? Friends? I wasn’t sure, but the hope was shining so brightly in her eyes, and all I wanted to do was tell her yes,yes, I could be friends. I imagined doing friend things—going for drinks, hanging with her and Jonah, and movie nights, but they all took on a romantic undertone. I wanted to slip my hand into hers at the movies, go on double dates with Jonah and his wife, and take her out for drinks. I could tell how scared she was though, and it was looking like my option was to accept her friendship or be without her presence entirely.
“We can be friends,” I replied with a smile.
It felt forced and my heart thumped painfully with the smile she sent my way. It was clear I’d taken a heavy load off of her shoulders, but I couldn’t say the same for myself.
“Listen,” she said, “I’ve got a ton of stuff to do, but I’ll text you later? We can make plans to hang out or something.”
I nodded, and then she was gone. I stood in the stairwell for a few extra minutes, wondering how I would survive friendship with someone like Stevie.
My phone rang and as if only serving to make my day that much more difficult, I saw the name on the screen was none other than John Price—my father.
“Hi, Dad,” I said, picking up.
“Adrian, I’m glad I caught you. Do you have a moment to speak?”his voice filtered through the line.
“Sure.”
* * *
I was nervous for the dinner, but not in the way I usually was before a date.
No, this was me trying something out, trying to get over a certain hazel-eyed girl that kept distracting me at work. I kept repeating the things I knew about the woman over in my head.
Melissa. Thirty-one. Works in publishing.
The way my father had spoken of her, you’d have thought she’d hung the moon. It had become standard for him to set me up on dates, but he seemed particularly keen on this one. Apparently, she was some bigwig in the publishing industry and had a great familial background. It was no use explaining to my father that no one cared about familial connections in my world. I knew he was hoping she’d be the one, we’d get married, have a couple of kids, and make him a proud old grandfather that could show off his son’s progeny at the country club and at horse races.
I was more expecting to meet a gold digger that wanted to get a handle on the family money I didn’t give a shit about and spend it to her heart’s content while I worked my ass off day after day.
I still had to look presentable, though, so I combed my hair, trimmed the stubble that had grown just out of control, and dressed in a suit. The restaurant we were meeting at required men to be in suits, and I thought that said enough about the establishment. I straightened my tie, a half-windsor feeling less choke inducing than a full and buttoned up. I left the house looking just as debonair as my father had always hoped I’d dress on the daily and drove to our rendezvous. I recognized it as the same hotel restaurant that I’d met Stevie in, and I had to swallow down the memory. She’d only been a sensation then, a feeling I’d absorbed with my skin the night before.
It hadn’t even occurred to me where I was until I’d seen the glowing facade. It felt like the universe was mocking me and I’d had enough of it. I put Stevie out of my mind and decided I would do my best to enjoy the clear night and the company of whatever woman my father had picked out for me. I walked in the door and gave my name to the maître d'. She smiled at me and led me to an empty table. Given that it was a weeknight, the place was fairly empty, with mostly businessmen sitting across from each other and talking. I had always hated places like that, even when my mother was alive. I checked my watch a couple of times, feeling petty and irritated that this woman was all of three minutes late.
I ordered a drink, nothing exciting because of work, and bemoaned the fact I had to spend my evening waiting on someone who probably wouldn’t even show. I could have been at home, doing almost anything else, and I would have been happier. I even glanced at my pager, hoping selfishly that it would go off. Nothing major—maybe just a resident needing help. My current interns were all about as mediocre as they could be, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if they called me in for things as simple as intubations.
A whole, grand five minutes past our meeting time, I saw the maître d' approaching again, someone in tow. I gritted my teeth and braced myself, and when the host moved, my heart stopped.
“Hi,” Melissa said.
“Hi,” I replied.
Chapter Thirteen
Stevie
