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“He didn’t do anything,” Evelyn said. “He was exactly the same as he’s always been.”
I was surprised at her brazen words—calling me out in front of my daughter was bold. Hannah gave me a look of irritation. Her eyes said she’d be telling me what she thought of that later.
Hannah looped her arm through Evelyn’s, and they left. I felt all the energy drain out of me the moment they were out of the door. I collapsed on the sofa, and lay there, trying to get my brain to focus back on my work. Right now, there was still a way out. If I allowed my feelings to continue spiraling out of control though, I knew I’d be in trouble. I had taken care of Evelyn’s with an almost rude disposition, but my own heart felt a sort of pain at the thought of forgetting the feelings Evelyn re-ignited in me.
I got up slowly and sat in my desk chair. The New York rain pounded at the window behind me, and in front of me was a picture. My daughter was smiling in a way I hadn’t seen in a very long time. It was a carefree kind of smile, filled with that youthful joy only children have. With an arm around her, my wife was smiling as well. I had met Ruth when we were only six, and friendship had led to romance, which had led to Hannah.
“I miss you, Ruthie,” I said sadly.
“Don’t say that!” I said, slapping her hand.
“But we have to think about these things now! We’re going to have a daughter soon!” Ruth laughed, her eyes turning into crescents with her smile.
She ran her hand over her belly, swollen and round. I saw a small shiver run over it, again, and again.
“Our girl has hiccups,” I said.
“Because she’s tired of holding her breath for an answer!”
“Okay, fine, fine. I would definitely want you to move on if I die. But I don’t think I could if you did!” I cried, burying my face in her shoulder.
“Darling,” she said in that English way she’d never been able to shake, “I can’t think of anything more awful than a loveless life. Promise me you’ll move on if I die.”
“It won’t be a loveless life,” I commented, placing my hand over the baby hiccuping in her stomach, “I’ll have our little Hannah.”
I never promised her I’d move on, and I’d never had any reason to think I would. Now though, when I was staring at her photo, I could start to imagine myself with another woman. I knew she would want me to move on, to find a love like that again. Neither of us thought we’d have such a short marriage, neither of us thought she’d have such a short life.
I turned my mind back to my work, with Ruth’s words ringing in my ears.
Chapter Six
Evelyn
It had been almost a month since I last saw Julian.
I tried my best to stay out of his way since that day in his office. I had almost admitted my feelings when I saw his work, despite already knowing what his response would be. He had seemed softer, less standoffish, and the pride in his voice was unmistakable, as was the deep sadness under the surface when he explained that the book was a charity case.
I knew I couldn’t avoid him forever, but I was damn well trying to. When Hannah called me though, saying that she’d meet me at her house before giving me the chance to decline, I found myself thirty minutes ahead of her, sitting in the kitchen. The weather outside was horrific, so there was no way I’d be able to wander aimlessly for a while. I was talking to Andrew about his peppermint hot chocolate recipe, because the mug he placed in front of me was undeniably the best I’d ever had. The man was being coy about it though and had me in fits of giggles when Julian walked in. Andrew and I sobered up quickly, Andrew watching his boss nervously.
“Hello,” Julian said, glancing between us both.
“Ah, yes, sir,” Andrew said, pulling out a piece of paper, “I wanted to check this week’s menu over with you before Victoria and I do the shopping.”
Julian dipped his head and sat at the counter, only three seats away from me. He pulled the paper Andrew had on the counter towards himself, and nodded, scanning whatever Andrew had written.
“It all looks delicious, Andrew,” he said.
The man smiled at the praise and took his list. He left with a handful of reusable bags, and I saw Victoria meet him in the foyer. They left, and the two of us were alone. Julian helped himself to a mug of the hot chocolate on the stove and sat with it in his hands.
“I’ve never known someone who has a way with chocolate like Andrew,” he said.
I nodded, unsure of what I was supposed to do next.
“Yeah, best I’ve ever tasted,” I responded quietly.
We sat in quiet for a moment, but apparently, he was trying to be polite or something, because Julian’s next words surprised me.
“Hannah said you’re top of the class in nursing,” he said, “that you’re really invested in becoming an oncology nurse.”
