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Was I okay with it? The immediate answer, of course, was ‘yes’, but I had to think for a moment. For our entire relationship, I’ve been sharing him with a memory. But Ruth, as terrible as it was to say, wasn’t going to come back and take her husband. All he was asking was to honor her, to keep her alive in the only way possible. I couldn’t hold that against him, and really, it just proved that he was as good a man as I suspected. He didn’t want to forget Ruth. He knew she was a person, with a past, a memory, and a child that was still very much alive. He had held back up to this point for fear of pushing me away, but that wasn’t right.
“Of course, I’m okay with it,” I said, stroking his face gently.
He captured my hand in his and kissed my fingertips. I smiled, making my face as open and friendly as I could. He stared at the palm he held and opened his mouth.
“I was supposed to pick Hannah up from school, but I’d gotten stuck in a meeting, and so Ruth said she would go. This was when we lived in Brooklyn. Ruth would have walked to the school, but she had picked up an extra shift at the hospital and was farther away than usual. She drove and collected Hannah just fine. When she was at an intersection though, this asshole rolled through a red light. I guess he thought he could cut her off or something. He was in this Mack truck—some kind of distributor. Ruth stopped the car, but couldn’t reverse because of all the traffic. She was directly in the path of it, so from what I understand, she tried to turn the car so she and Hannah would be out of his way.
“He never saw them, and as Ruth was turning the car, he rolled over the hood of the car. Onlookers said that the guy just kept going afterward. He was overworked and overtired, which apparently can be worse than alcohol. Because of the way the car had turned, Ruth got the brunt of the impact. She was crushed between the steering wheel and her seat. That was ultimately what got her, but she also had two broken legs and burns from the engine fire that started. Paramedics managed to get her out, but she didn’t make it to the hospital. The worst of it was that Hannah was there for all of it. She was five, but Ruth sometimes let her sit in the front seat if it was a short trip. Hannah still has scars from the fire on her abdomen—she never shows it, but maybe you’ve noticed. She also broke her left arm, had smoke inhalation, and cracked a couple of ribs. She spent a little more than a week in the hospital, and when she got out, everything was different. She attended the funeral in a wheelchair, and when she got home, our lawyer told us the company had settled.”
I couldn’t even imagine it. From both of their perspectives, it was horrific. I thought of Julian, getting the call that his wife was dead and his daughter was in the hospital when he was only twenty-one years old. I thought of Hannah. Seeing the destruction, and waking up in pain in the hospital. When she got out, she was motherless, incredibly rich, and injured. I knew what had happened then. Julian funneled his time and money into his business, and eventually, it took off. He grew more distant while his business grew bigger, and Hannah slowly healed but was damaged. I felt bad though that Hannah wasn’t quite who I believed, the confident girl comfortable in her own skin. I thought she had nothing to hide. When asked, she said there was no point in hating her body.
“Oh, that’s… drastic” was all I could say.
“Yes, I suppose it is,” Julian said. He laughed then. “I was a fool honestly. I’d never had so much money, and when I kept making more and more, everyone wanted to tell me what to do with it. What I wanted was a house. I’d never owned one, and my parents hadn’t owned theirs. We lived in a tiny, two-bedroom apartment with Hannah. When I saw this place, I couldn’t believe I had suddenly become the kind of person who could afford a place with an entire floor just for aspa. It was crazy to me. I snapped it up because I couldn’t think straight, and we’ve been here ever since. I also have places in California, Aspen, and Bali. I even asked Hannah if she wanted her own apartment when she turned eighteen, but she declined it. She likes living at home, and I can’t blame her.”
I thought I’d probably have done the same. The idea of owning my own home was a foreign one, and I would be similarly entranced if I suddenly had that kind of wealth. I never knew about his other houses, but again, it made sense. It also made sense now why he wanted to fill the place with bodies. Everyone in his life, whether they were employed by him or not, was human. It was important to him that they were all living comfortably.
“I can’t believe that even when you make rash decisions about what to spend your money on, you make good decisions that are positive for the people you surround yourself with.”
I smiled, and he kissed me. I cleared the bowls away, and he took me up to his floor. In his living room, we talked, and we sat together, and I told him about my specialization in oncology. He babbled about business models, and at some point, I just had to shut him up by sliding onto his lap and making out with him lazily. With music playing in the background, the whole thing felt easy.Everythingwith Julian felt easy. There weren't any secrets, and learning about each other was just a perk to what was already perfect.
When his hands started wandering, I pulled out a condom. He was harder with me this time, screwing me on the sofa until I was panting and begging him to let me come. When both of us had finished, the clock told us that we should say goodnight, so I kissed him and headed into my room. I curled up in bed, and thought that even though things might be difficult right now, we’d figure them out. We’d figure out how to tell Hannah, I’d graduate, and we’d be together. I still wanted to be a nurse, even though I knew Julian would support me if I asked him to. I also knew I wouldn’t even make a dent in his fortune, but it wasn’t about that. It was about being my own person, and following the path I had dreamed of since my mother passed away. I didn’t even know what I’d do without a job. I let an errant thought remind me that I should have gotten my first paycheck for this job, and I was curious.
I gasped when the banking app opened. I couldn’t believe how much was in my account, but when I thought about it, there was exactly as much as I was told there would be. I wasn’t used to having that kind of money though, and not having to budget it for bills and other expenses was both terrifying and freeing. I switched my phone off and went to sleep, thoughts of what I could do dancing in my head.
When Julian left the next day, he ducked his head into Hannah’s room to say goodbye. Pretending I didn’t care was almost harder than watching him go. I nodded when he explained where he’d be going, and shot a look that conveyed more than words when Hannah glanced away. She just wished her dad a safe trip, and then he was gone.
“I’d say we should have wild parties or whatever, but,” Hannah said when he disappeared, “For one, Dad doesn’t really care as long as we’re safe and two, I’m too damn tired.”
I couldn’t blame her. I was tired as well. On top of my new secret relationship, I still had college, and our semester finals were quickly approaching. I was laying on Hannah’s bed with my books, reading about dosing medications correctly. Maybe it was better Julian left because almost as soon as he did, I found myself able to focus better.
“Oh, Iknow,” I moaned, “These calculations are driving me crazy!”
Hannah laughed and leaned over to see what I was looking at. She let out a low whistle, and with a happily nervous voice, began speaking again.
“I was never really good at math in school, so I’m kind of avoiding studying doses.” She picked up her phone to look at the time, and then turned back to me, eyes bright. “How about we have a spa day tomorrow?”
“Huh?”
“I just mean because you and I have been studying so much! We could spend the day together, you know, go to the spa, get massages, get mani-pedis, all that fun stuff!”
I wasn’t normally up for that kind of thing (stuff that felt like a frivolous expense), but I eagerly agreed, because I still had no clue what to do with the money in my bank account, and I missed spending time with my best friend.
So, the next day, in the ever colder wintery weather, we stepped out onto the street. It took me a moment, but I was pretty sure I hadn’t been anywhere but college and the house in a while. Hannah laughed at that and agreed that her own life revolved around the house, the college, and the library, so a spa day was definitely warranted. She had called the chauffeur around, and I enjoyed sliding into the luxurious warmth of the back of the car. I told myself to enjoy it today. I hated feeling like I was taking advantage of the excessive wealth of my friend and especially hated being seen as someone superior in society when I definitely wasn’t. I had begun to get a taste for what Hannah had been talking about. I wore her clothes more and more when she deemed mine unfashionable, and people would watch me. They would either look at me in awe or with the kind of disgust you reserve for something only worth wiping off the bottom of your shoe. As Hannah said, it wasn’t exactly pleasant.
The spa was a place calledAIRE, and from the moment we stepped inside, I knew the place was luxurious. I soon found out why.
“Jesus Christ,” I whispered to Hannah once we were past the desk, “Asking for my first-born son probably would have been cheaper!”
“And dicier,” she laughed, “Daughters are more common.”
“I mean yeah, but really! Eight hundred bucks? I know I wanted to relax but -”
“You’re going to,” she assured me, “Don’t worry about the money, for once in your life.”
I nodded and gritted my teeth, not entirely sure how anyone could enjoy a spa day knowing it cost that much.
Turns out, you can forget pretty much anything during a seventy-minute massage. The girl who was kneading out every ounce of stress I’d accumulated in the last nineteen years must have sold her soul for her magic fingers, and I couldn’t help the occasional moan that slipped out. Hannah, on a bed near me, always laughed at this, but sometimes they drew one out of her, too. When the woman that I was pretty sure was some kind of healing witch was done, she just moved to my feet, and I thought that pain and pleasure mixed beautifully together because it hurt so good. After she was done, she rubbed me all over with a lavender body scrub that smelled divine. I could feel the years coming off of me, and knew that this was probably a once in a lifetime experience, but this once, it was worth it. When I walked out after the scrub, with my skin as smooth as the day I was born, and my entire body feeling softer than melted butter, I had to remind myself that it wasdefinitelya once in a lifetime experience. Spending money like that on the regular would be impractical and wasteful. Even if it made me so,sohappy.
