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“Because I believe in you, Eden. I always have. That’s why I requested you when you first entered the Dream Realm, that’s why I helped you, that’s why I care for you.” He rested his forehead against mine. “The problem is that you no longer believe in yourself...but you will.”
“Iwantto believe.” Oh, how I yearned to.
“You will, Eden. I promise. You’ll heal, and when you do I’ll be waiting. We’ll grow back together...if that’s what you want.”
I’d never wanted anything more. I’d spent far too long refusing to acknowledge the greatest wish of my heart, but I could no longer deny it, not with Darius holding me like this. Needing to be even closer to him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and nestled against his shoulder.
“I’ll do my best. I don’t think you understand how much I need it, needyou.”
“If your need is even a sliver of mine, then I do.”
And for a brief moment I felt part of the wound that had festered in my heart for so long begin to heal. Once more I looked at the star-filled sky just in time to see another falling star streak across it. I closed my eyes and made another wish: to find myself, to heal, and to have Darius waiting for me when I did, just as he’d promised.
Chapter 19
Isat cross-legged in the air above Easton as he slept peacefully below me...at least for now, for his night would soon be tormented by bad dreams. But for once I didn’t relish the thought, not when my usual shield of indifference was absent, leaving nothing to protect me from the guilt twisting my heart.
The numbness that had sustained me up until this point had left, having vanished when Darius had taken me up to the peak the night before, a place of beauty that reminded me that stars could exist in darkness. Being with Darius again had stirred memories of the old Eden, the one that in my pain I’d buried deeply.
I turned my weaving mirror over in my hands before lifting it to peer inside and search my reflection. The woman staring back at me was nothing more than a stranger, a shadow of my former self. But the more I stared, the more glimpses I caught of the old Eden, the one Darius was so certain was still a part of me. I wanted to believe she was, but I feared I’d gone too far to even hope to return to the light my heart longed for.
I glanced up at the arrival of Caspian and wordlessly put my weaving mirror away to begin the Weaving. I reached for my first nightmare flower but froze as an unsettling feeling tainted my skin at its touch, one that caused me to shiver, a reaction I hadn’t experienced since the day I’d inadvertently created a nightmare flower back in the Dream Realm.
“Aren’t you going to weave?”
I glanced up to meet Caspian’s gaze, surprised, for he hadn’t spoken to me in weeks. “Of course.” Yet still I didn’t move, unwilling to touch the nightmare flower and again experience the unsettling feeling it brought.
“Normally you begin before I even have a chance to unpack my supplies, but tonight you seem...hesitant. Is something wrong?” His brows drew together at the puzzle, his prodding gaze seeking an explanation.
I shook my head, but it was a lie. This Weaving felt different than the others I’d performed within the Nightmare Realm. Perhaps it was because of my time with Darius—the light he’d shown me, allowing me to glimpse the person I’d once been, one I now realized I fiercely missed.
The old Eden had been a weaver of dreams, not nightmares, for she’d delighted in joy rather than fear—an emotion that had been my constant companion ever since being forced to this world I hated.
“Eden?”
Caspian’s voice drew my gaze to him once more, only for me to find him looking...almost worried.
I ached to confess that I no longer wanted to perform my Weaving, not just tonight’s but every one in the future. I wanted Easton to experience a night of dreams, almost as desperately as I longed to wash the darkness from my skin, though I feared it had become a permanent part of me, impossible to dispel.
But these secret longings were still new, so different from the person I’d allowed myself to become I was almost afraid to act on them, no matter how much I ached to. My mind frantically searched for a path that would allow me to explore my new desires...and an idea occurred to me.
I turned to Caspian. “Do you still need to win some Weavings?”
His eyes widened and a hint of a smile lifted his lips. “Have you reconsidered my request?”
“I have...for a price.” I felt guilty for attaching a condition to my sudden wish to take a better path, but in this moment doing so felt much safer, allowing me to take the first step in acting on the new and unfamiliar desires filling my heart.
Caspian’s smile faltered slightly. “What sort of price?”
I took a wavering breath. “I want to speak with Angel. I need to explain what happened.”
Caspian’s frown fully settled over him. “I’m not sure I can do that. I’ve reconsidered my earlier offer and realize that no matter how much I want to win, I can’t betray my Pair; she really doesn’t want to see you.”
I’d encountered an impenetrable obstacle before I could take even a single step; the despair I fought to control struggled to rise. “Please, I must speak with her. I’m hoping my explanation will help her. If she could just understand...”
Caspian considered this. “What will you tell her?”
“That I didn’t steal from her on purpose. It was an accident.”
