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Chapter Nineteen
Luke arrived at Wolf Mountain Resort before his uncle, as he had been for the past couple of weeks. The woman standing behind the reception desk smiled at him, her red-painted lips curving up way too much.
He barely raised his hand in her direction and kept moving fast. He wasn’t interested in Laura, and she’d made it abundantly clear she’d go out with him if he even gave her more than three seconds of attention.
He should’ve called Hannah last night. Or the night before that. Or at all. Misery laced through him, along with a healthy dose of regret, guilt, and self-loathing. He’d meant to come to Beeville for a day. Two, tops. He just needed to find closure to his past life as a boxer, and he hadn’t anticipated all that would entail.
“You should call Ginger too,” he muttered to himself as he went down a hallway guests overlooked and into his uncle’s office. Uncle Tucker didn’t make it out to the resort very often, and his manager had quit three weeks ago.
It felt serendipitous to Luke, and though he wasn’t sure how to manage a resort, he’d felt strongly that his family needed him, and he’d stayed.
Uncle Tucker kept saying he’d been doing interviews for a new manager, as Luke didn’t particularly like desk work, more managing budgets and employee schedules from a spreadsheet. But for the time being, Luke liked helping his uncle, and he needed to be in Beeville for some reason.
He’d been avoiding everything and everyone, even the second family he’d found in prison. He wouldn’t be surprised if Slate or Dallas showed up at the resort at any time, and then Luke would have to explain everything.
If only he could explain it to himself. “That would be a start,” he told himself as he sat down behind the desktop computer. He jiggled the mouse and waited for the dark screen to brighten, wondering what he needed to do first. A new week had just begun, so the schedule was set. Paychecks had gone out on Friday, and thank all the stars above, the resort had a full-time bookkeeper who took care of that kind of stuff.
Luke managed guest services, housekeeping, activities, and all the behind-the-scenes items. Luke thrived on the activity end of things, and he stood from the computer without doing anything on it.
The resort had morning yoga classes that coincided with a children’s horseback riding adventure, and if he hurried, he’d have time to help saddle the horses. The animals soothed him, and honestly, they reminded him of Hope Eternal Ranch. And every time he thought of the ranch, Hannah wasn’t far behind.
He shoved the feelings way down deep as he crossed the back lawn behind the resort. He knew he was making a mistake, but he didn’t know how to fix it. His phone rang, and he honestly couldn’t bring himself to check it.
At the same time, he couldn’t just let it go. On the third ring, he looked at it and saw Hannah’s name. His heart leapt, and his feelings for her wouldn’t be ignored. “Hey,” he said, trying to make his voice as light and as casual as he could. “What’s going on?”
“What’s going on?” she repeated, and Luke slowed his steps.
“I keep meaning to call,” he started.
“I’m calling to tell you not to bother,” Hannah said. “I mean, not that you have concerned yourself with me, or how I might feel after you left town for what was supposed to be a day and haven’t come back.”
“Hannah—”
“You left the crew high and dry, Luke. You left Ginger without someone to handle the horses and the lessons. She’s been hiring in a day laborer, and he’s terrible.Terrible, Luke.”
“I’m sorry,” he said.
Hannah laughed, and it sounded cruel. “You are not sorry, Luke. I’m not even sure you know how to feel sorry for the things you do.”
“That’s why I’m here,” he said, practically yelling the words. “I’m trying to find a way to make peace with what happened five years ago. I’m trying to find closure to what landed me in prison so I can move forward with my life. With you.” He exhaled heavily and ran his hand up his face. “Don’t you feel like we’re stuck?”
Hannah didn’t answer right away, but he could still hear her breathing on the other end of the line. “It does feel that way, a little,” she finally said.
“Wearestuck,” he said. “And it’s because of me. I’m not ready to move forward, because I’m still stuck in the past. Nate was right—I haven’t truly accepted the verdict, and I’m trying to find a way to do that. Iknowthat’s the way forward, and I’m struggling to do it.”
Desperation clogged his throat, and he swallowed to try to get his emotions back in check. Hannah said nothing, and that was like her saying a whole lot.
“I am sorry,” he said, his thoughts jumbling into a giant ball of yarn. “Besides, I’m no good for you, Hannah. You deserve a man who knows how to dress well for a fun dinner at places like The Blue Cowbell or Madam Croque. You deserve a man who can figure out where those kind of places are and plans a big surprise at your favorite one for your birthday or just because. I’m not that man. I’m never going to be that man.”
“Who told you you’re not good enough for me?”
“No one,” he said, though her mother had insinuated as much. “I just already know I’m not.”
“I get to decide those things for myself.”
Luke shook his head, his teeth pressing together in a painful way. He didn’t have room in his life for this kind of hurt, and it seemed to go on and on. “I have to go,” he said, grinding the words through his throat. “I need to help get the horses saddled.”
“Horses?” she asked. “Where are you?”
