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“You already know,” I say softly. Of course he does. R’jaal is observant. He takes his time and watches over things, tries to figure out the best strategy. He’s not a scowling pillar of opinions and decisions like I’rec.
The look he gives me is wry. “Of course I know. I saw the way you looked at him when he arrived. In that moment, I knew.”
My chest feels tight. “How did I look at him?”
“Like you were seeing him for the very first time.”
Oh. His answer steals my breath away and I try to recall seeing I’rec in that moment. I can’t. How funny that he took one look at my reaction to I’rec and knew, and yet I had no idea until the song hit— and it’s been mindless fucking ever since. Even now my khui is humming, but the noise feels lonely and discontented without I’rec’s song nearby.
He hears it and turns away, wandering near the shore.I walk next to him quietly, trying to get my head wrapped around this entire weird situation. I feel like I need to apologize, but I know that’s ridiculous. I’ve done nothing wrong. It wasn’t as if I activated my khui. It wasn’t as if I begged for it to match me with I’rec. Heck, it wasn’t as if I paid special attention to him over R’jaal. I did nothing wrong, yet I still feel like a naughty child that’s been caught being bad. To make things worse, my khui keeps singing so loudly that R’jaal keeps glancing over at me.
The beach feels both noisy from the waves, and far too quiet. Deciding to speak up, I glance over at him. “I hope we’re still friends.”
“Of course we are friends.” He gives me a chiding look. “Resonance does not change that. It just means you have someone new to hunt for you.”
Well, it actually means a whole hell of a lot more than that, as my sore pussy can attest, but sure, we’ll go with that. “I guess that means you and Tia, huh? Since you’re the last two holdouts?”
I don’t know what that means for I’rec, considering he still wants Tia, but I guess if he wants her as a pleasure-mate even after we resonated, maybe R’jaal and Tia can work out some sort of agreement.
He grunts, pausing and gazing thoughtfully out at the waves that endlessly roll towards the shore. “It is odd. When I first met T’ia I liked her. She was charming and she liked to show me how to kiss. But I quickly realized she liked to show all the males how to kiss and I no longer felt special to her. I put distance between us, and ever since then, I have not felt anything for her. It is very…odd to think that she might be my mate.” R’jaal shrugs. “Of course, I might have no mate at all.”
“I doubt that is it. You khui is just waiting for the right moment and the right girl.”
“Hmph,” is all he says. He glances over at me again. “So I’rec is the right one for you?”
I manage a weak smile, trying not to think about the conversation I overheard just a short time ago. “Guess so.”
“Perhaps I should have seen it,” R’jaal says, thoughtful. “I’rec has always known what he wants. He would let nothing stand in his way. Perhaps he grew tired of waiting for T’ia and influenced his khui into realizing you were the perfect mate for him.”
Everything he says is wildly wrong, but it’s sweet of him to think that. I don’t point out that I’rec still wants Tia. That I don’t know where I stand in all of this. It’s awkward. I want to be mad at I’rec, but at the same time, I want to crawl into his arms and kiss the hell out of him, to convince him that I’m the right mate for him, not Tia.
But he’s loved Tia for years. And like R’jaal says, I’rec has always known what he wants.
Knowing that just makes me feel worse. Because it’s pretty obvious that I’m not what I’rec wants. Not even a little bit.
* * *
I lingerout on the shore with R’jaal, talking about nothing and everything. We steer away from resonance and talk of fishing, of all things. Of a large sturgeon he caught the other day, and when he cut open the belly, inside was a strip of leather with shell beads on it that must have come from our shore. It’s nice to talk about absolutely nothing instead of myself and I’rec, and I spend far longer than I should with him.
My khui grows more insistent over time, until I’m twitchy and my skin hurts. I know it’s trying to drive me back towards I’rec, but I think of his angry response earlier and it makes me linger on the beach, listening to R’jaal’s fishing stories. He hasn’t asked about Tia, or I’rec, or what we plan to do. I suppose that’s a good thing, because I don’t have an answer for him. I don’t know what’s going to happen between myself and I’rec, or I’rec and Tia.
Just that tomorrow is probably going to be pretty ugly, and worse if we don’t stop resonating soon. Maybe tonight will be the trick. I rub my purring chest, my skin itchy and hot. I should be annoyed that I’m going to have to suck it up and turn around and fuck I’rec while he’s moping over Tia, but right now I’m so damn needy that I don’t even care. I just want this itchingacheinside me to be satisfied.
“You should go find him,” R’jaal says in a quiet voice, distracting me.
Hmm? I glance up at him, pulled out of my thoughts.
He dips his chin, indicating my chest. Sure enough, I’m no longer rubbing the valley between my breasts where my khui is purring, but squeezing one of my tits instead. Oops. Blushing, I drop my hand and pretend to straighten my leather skirt. “Right. Right.”
“All will be well,” he tells me, his voice gentle. “Resonance always knows. It is never wrong.”
“You know, yousaythat, but resonance has been wrong before. Look at Raahosh’s parents. They hated each other. Don’t tell me resonance had an excellent plan for that, because I don’t believe it.”
R’jaal looks unconvinced. He shakes his head at me, then turns back to the rolling waves. “Perhaps they cared for each other at one point. Maybe resonance was not totally wrong, but they poisoned it somehow. I see nothing but happy couples here on the beach, and I think resonance is right. It knows who belongs to who. It brings them happiness. And if I have not resonated, perhaps it is because it has not found my right mate yet.” He smiles faintly at the horizon. “It always knows. I must trust in that.”
Says the alien man who doesn’t have to go fuck someone that’s pining for someone else. I scowl at his back. “You keep telling yourself that, buddy. I’m leaving.” I pause, because despite his words, it’s been easier to talk to him about this than I thought. I expected anger. Yelling. At worst, sobbing. But R’jaal has been calm about it, even giving me a pep talk. “You’re a good friend, you know that? Tia’s going to be a lucky girl.”
He turns to me and gives me a faint smile. “My thanks.”
