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At the door, she knocked.
Silence echoed back.
Undeterred, she turned the iron ring and heard the latch lift. Pushing on the door, she peeked inside. A single torch burned in the room beyond, but there was no one there.
I should go back to my chamber,she told herself, but her feet were already moving forward. There was something so tempting about a private domain without anyone in it, like the walls might whisper some secrets if she was stealthy enough.
Drawn to a writing desk by the far window, Edwina picked up a candle and lit the wick from the flickering torch. Carrying it carefully, so the flame would not go out, she swept the glow slowly across the surface of the desk. After all, there was no better way to get to know someone than to observe the contents of their desk.
“What can I tell about ye, Felix Quinn?” she whispered, sitting down in his chair.
The brocade was worn from use, the stuffing hollowed out in the center, suggesting that Felix spent long hours in this very spot. It was not comfortable, prompting her to shift her buttocks this way and that to find a softer position.
I’ll have to do somethin’ about that,she promised, thinking of one of the cushions in her chamber. It would suffice as a brief fix, before she could have someone come and fix the stuffing.
Setting the candle down, she noted that the writing desk was particularly sparse: an inkwell, several uncut feathers in a jar, a knife to make the quills, a small sheaf of blank papers, and two leatherbound books—one large, one small.
“I will be the Lady of Clan Moore soon,” she said, to give herself an excuse, “I should ken of its affairs.”
Pulling the larger book toward her, she opened the heavy cover and ran her gaze down the long list of names and numbers and descriptions. A ledger, detailing all of the Clan and Castle’s financial matters. Having helped her father with his estate, she knew that the accounts looked exceptionally healthy.
Closing the ledger, she reached for the smaller book. A length of black ribbon acted as a mark to keep Felix’s place. The moment she opened the book to the last page that Felix had written upon, she knew she had crossed a line. She had expected it to be another book detailing business and castle matters, but she could not have been more mistaken.
With her heart in her mouth, she read the last words that he had inked upon the paper:
Maither, Faither, I have never missed ye more than I do at this moment. I ken ye would advise me well, but without yer counsel I feel lost. I want to do the right thing, but I do not know how to be a husband. I do not know how to share my life, though I watch others do it so easily. Is something the matter with me? Did something in me break when you died, Faither, as ye broke when our Castle burned?
I am scared, in truth. What if I start to love her? What if she becomes dear to me? I will be driven to madness for fear of losing her, and I worry that I am already drawn to her. I touched her when I should not have done, and it has caused all of this.
Did ye believe in fate when ye were alive? Is that what this is? Has she been sent to me, in some way, so that I might learn how to fix what is broken? If so, I do not ken if I am fit for the challenge.
Tears sprang to her eyes as she read the words, which must have been written the previous night. As she had been weeping in her chamber, it seemed Felix had been in this very tower, etching his fears onto paper. Those sweet, frightened words created the image of yet another Felix in Edwina’s mind—a man she had caught a glimpse of earlier that day, but far sadder.
Just then, a floorboard creaked.
Stifling a gasp, Edwina slammed the book shut and whirled around in her seat. Halfway across the room, having entered without a sound, Felix stared at her.
“Did ye see somethin’ interestin’?” he asked, his voice flat.
Staring back at him, open mouthed, she wished the ground would open up and swallow her. Was she a woman or a child, riffling through someone else’s personal things? Shame burned in her cheeks as she braced for his anger.
* * *
Felix had returned from his endeavors in the forest, weary and hungry and in need of rest. Yet, thoughts of Edwina had held those needs at bay, for he had hoped she would be waiting for him, as he had asked. A servant had informed him that she was looking for him in the tower, though seeing her flipping through the pages of his most private musings was not what he had expected to find.
“If ye wanted to read it, ye could’ve asked,” he continued, as she remained silent and shamefaced.
He wanted to be mad at her, but she looked so beautiful, framed by the window that held his favorite view. The candlelight gave her an ethereal glow, as if that golden light was coming from within her, instead of without. Meanwhile, it made her bronze hair blaze, and conjured dancing flames in her enchanting eyes.
“I dinnae ken what it was,” she said quietly. “I daenae ken what possessed me to do that. I’m nae the sort of lass who searches through other people’s things, as I ken how it feels. It’s like someone has broken open your chest and taken out yer heart, dirtyin’ it.”
Felix’s expression softened. “Kenney?”
“Kenney,” she confirmed with a nod. “Let me tell ye, that was the last time I believed in his kind gestures. He arranged for me to venture into Inverness, so I could have luncheon with a friend. I dinnae ken that friend was workin’withKenney, so he could remove everythin’ from my faither’s study and from mine while I was gone. I came back to him readin’ passages from my diary, relishin’ every moment.”
Felix went to her, sinking to his knees in front of her. “Ye daenae have to worry about Kenney anymore, Edwina. Ye can write whatever ye please, and I willnae look. But ye must promise the same for me.”
“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I’m sorry for pryin’ and I’m sorry for behavin’ as I did earlier. I… was hurt. I had nay right to be, as what ye said was nothin’ to be wounded by, but… my emotions can get the better of me sometimes.”
