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“All a charade. To blend into normal society, I am capable of appearing to eat like everybody else, and I do it happily, but it doesn’t taste of anything, and it certainly doesn’t provide me with the nourishment I need to survive.”
I look away from him. This is starting to get scary. “So how does this work exactly?”
“What do you mean?”
“Where does the …bloodcome from? I mean, how do you select who you are going to feed on?”
“That’s a very good question.”
Images of Jessica pop into my head, but I try to force them away. “I want to know everything, Nick. How do you select your victims and what exactly do you do to them?”
“I don’t like to use the word ‘victims.’”
“Well, isn’t that what they are? What other word would you like me to use? Your targets? Your prey?”
“Okay, okay. Look, I only take what I need. I never harm any of them. You’ve got to believe me, Carly.”
“I’m not saying that you do, but, Nick … you’ve got to help me to understand.”
He hesitates, looking faintly embarrassed.
“Well?” I press.
“I use the clinic as my initial point of contact. My extensive client list provides me with an unlimited source of … possibilities.”
My mouth gapes. “My God, you mean you feed off your patients?”
He scratches the side of his mouth. “Well, yes. But I’m very discerning with my selections. For instance, I would never dream of targeting someone with children. If something went wrong and I wasn’t able to control myself, it wouldn’t be right to leave a child without a parent. If that happened, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”
“Oh how very noble of you,” I say bitterly. “So was I fair game then? What with me being a childless spinster and all?”
“Stop it. You know it wasn’t like that.”
“Then tell me what it was like, Nick. Help me to understand this insanity.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Insanity
It’s a long time before either of us says anything. Nick is the first to speak. “Look, I don’t expect you to understand, but I’ll try.” He sucks air through his teeth. “I have a craving inside of me; a thirst that must be quenched at least once a month. Whenever I …feedon someone, I make certain to adhere to a strict code of conduct. For one, I never drink from the same person twice. When I feed, I only take the bare minimum I need to survive, resulting in such a small blood loss, the person doesn’t experience any unwanted side effects. It means they are able to continue with their lives unhampered, never knowing our paths crossed in such a way.”
I silently process this information. “What would happen if you broke that rule?”
He raises an eyebrow. “How do you mean?”
“If you fed on the same victim twice … what would happen?”
“I probably wouldn’t be able to control myself,” he admits. “Once I get a taste for someone, if I keep going back for more, it gets harder to not want to drain them completely. Blood is like a drug to me, an addiction I’m constantly having to control, so by limiting my intake, I’m able to reduce the chances of harming someone.”
A dark chill courses through me as I remember the time Nick went down on me during my period.Oh God. So he’s already had his first taste of me. So what would happen if …
I shake the thought from my mind. It’s too much to comprehend.
“You make it all sound so simple,” I say.
“Oh believe me, it’s anything but. You can’t begin to know the anguish I endure because of this. Most of the time, I absolutely despise myself. That’s why I never allowed anyone to get close to me. The complexities of my situation are not something that I would inflict lightly on someone. ” He checks himself. “That was …until I met you.”
He waves his engagement ring at me. “This is all I’ve had to hold onto; the only thing that’s helped keep me sane this past week. When I was at my lowest ebb, mourning your absence like a lost child, this ring was my only source of comfort.” He hesitates, his voice choked with emotion. “I am completely obsessed with you, Carly. Before I met you, I was living in darkness; each day was like a life sentence, and I prayed for the end to come swiftly. I felt I had no right to walk this Earth. Then I met you, and you bought such joy to my existence. No one has ever touched me the way you touched me. The way you loved me so completely ... I’ll never get enough of it.”
