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“Yes. Friends with benefits.”
“Would you really be happy with something casual?”
“Yes. If it meant I still got to see you, then yes, I-I think I would.”
“Too bad I’m not prepared to do that.”
She rubs her face with her hand. “Right, I give up. Why won’t you give me a chance? Just tell me what your problem is.”
“You really want to know?”
“Yes!”
“The problem is I’m in love with you, Carly. And I’m fucking scared. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
The car goes quiet. Taking ragged breaths, I reach down and locks my fingers through hers. After a few seconds, I’m ready to talk again. “That feeling you described, that connection between us, I felt it from the first moment I saw you. I’ve never believed in love at first sight, but it’s the only rational explanation.” I pause to catch my breath. “Last Saturday was insane. The second we left the hotel and I said goodbye to you at the station, it felt like my life was going into freefall. I didn’t want to let you go, but I knew I had to.”
“Why?”
“Self-preservation. I knew if I didn’t let you go then, I never would. And then there’d be no going back. I didn’t want to fall in love with you. I tried so hard to fight it, tried so hard to keep things professional between us, but you’ve gotten to me in a way no one else ever has. Your kindness, your sweetness, it hits me right here.” I take her hand and press it against my heart.
“But I don’t understand,” Carly whispers. “Why would you want to prevent yourself from being happy? Why is loving me so bad?”
I stare into my lap. “Because I’m not right for you.”
“What are you talking about? Nick, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me! Don’t you think I should be allowed to decide what’s right for me?”
“I am not good enough, notworthy enough,”I say. “I don’t deserve you. There’s so much you don’t know about me.”
“Yeah, and there’s a lot you don’t know about me,” she counters. “I’m ready to swap notes whenever you are.”
I throw my head back and laugh. “Your naivety is endearing.”
Carly doesn’t see the funny side. “But isn’t that how all relationships start?With neither person knowing much about the other? That’s what makes it fun. I was living half a life before I met you; I was drifting through darkness, numb to everything. It wasn’t a life; it was just existing, waiting for that day when the light is finally put out. And then I had that one night with you,that one perfect night, and everything brightened. Please, don’t send me back to that dark place.”
Oh my God. I’ve waited a lifetime to hear those words.
Shaking with emotion, I bite down on my fist to help steady myself. This is all too much. None of this was supposed to happen. My defenses are down and I’ve never felt so vulnerable in my life.
Carly reaches across and softly strokes the side of my face, caressing the raised bumps of my scar. My balls start to tingle. She knows how to turn me on and has me wrapped around her little finger.
“Please give me a chance,” she whispers seductively. “I know I can make you happy. Please, don’t shut me out. If you let me in, I promise I won’t put a foot wrong. Okay, so you’ve got secrets.Haven’t we all? I don’t care about that. All I care about is you, being with you; please… I just need to have you in my life.”
“Are you sure this is definitely what you want?” I ask dubiously.
“Yes!”
I stare at her, deliberating. I’ve never felt so torn.What to do, what to do…
Finally, I come to a decision. “Okay, if it’s sure to make you happy, we’ll give this relationship a chance. I can’t bear to see you so upset, and knowing I’m the cause tears me up inside.”
Carly’s face glows with joy.Jesus, I love her so much.
Softly, I kiss her hand and steer the Jaguar back onto the main road. Within seconds, we’re moving through the rainy streets, heading in the direction of Pimlico. I don’t say a word. I just keep my eyes on the road, watching the wipers dance back and forth across the windscreen.
I don’t know what the future holds for us but one thing I know is this: tonight, I am going to eat Carly alive.
