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“It all started last summer,” Dad begins softly. “I was having writer’s block and needed something to take my mind off the manuscript.” He swallows. “I-I started playing online Scrabble, just for a bit of fun. Then I moved to online Poker, and from there, I sort of got hooked.”
“Jesus Christ!”
“I know it’s a cliché. At first, it seemed like a bit of harmless fun. I played for small amounts then I upped the stakes and continued on a winning streak for a couple of months. Then the wins got smaller and the losses bigger. Inevitably, I was haemorrhaging more than I was able to put in, but by then, it was too late. I was hooked.”
“Jesus Christ, Dad. Just how much money did you blow?”
He buries his face in his hands. “Since last summer, I reckon I’ve spent about five grand.”
“Five grand! You’ve got to be kidding.”
He shakes his head sadly. “I wish I was. I’m so sorry, my dear. I know I’ve let you down badly, and for that, I’ll never forgive myself.”
I rub my eye with one knuckle. I’m totally speechless. His deception feels like a betrayal of the highest order, and it takes all of my strength not to snap completely. When I speak again, my voice is calm and controlled. “So, all this time you were having a go at me for wasting money on ‘toys,’ you were going behind my back and gambling with our future. Do you realise the seriousness of this, Dad? Because of your stupidity, we could be made homeless.”
“I know, I know! I’m so sorry …” He breaks off weeping, his whole body convulsing with emotion. I’ve only seen my dad cry twice in his life, so I know his remorse is genuine.
With a heavy sigh, I press the side of my face against his cheek and wrap my arms around him. “Please don’t cry. I love you and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout. Somehow, we’ll get through this, I just know we will.”
“I love you, too. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”
We both have a good cry then I pull him to arms’ length and level with him. “Now listen, I’ve got just enough in my savings account to cover these arrears. I’ll transfer the money over today and bring the mortgage up to date. Then we can draw a line under this whole sorry affair and start afresh. But there must be no more secrets between us, okay? And definitely no more online gambling.”
“Oh, no!” Dad howls. “I don’t want you using your savings. It isn’t right. There must be another way.”
“I’m sorry, but there isn’t. My peace of mind is worth more to me than money. If we don’t have a roof over our heads, then what have we got? We’ll be out on the street, and I’m not willing to take that risk.”
Reluctantly he agrees, and then I go to the kitchen and make us both a cup of tea to smooth things over. Afterwards, I go upstairs, boot up my laptop and transfer five grand from my savings account to Dad’s current account. I feel sick as I watch the transaction complete. There goes my chance of ever seeing Nick again. Now that I’m completely wiped out financially, I simply can’t justify paying for all those expensive hypnosis sessions. Not only that, I’ll probably have to cut back on everything else, too. No more Disney designer dolls. No moreMuppet Showbox sets. As of today, it will all have to stop.
For Christ’s sake, Dad, why did you do this?
I absolutely adore my father, but I can’t help feeling resentment about the crazy situation he’s put us in. Thanks to his carelessness, I now have to give up all the things that make my life enjoyable.
It’s with a heavy heart that I dial the clinic’s number to break the bad news. As I wait for the call to connect, my hands are shaking so much I have to sit down.
“London Hypnotherapy Clinic, how can I help?”
I clear my throat, embarrassed and at a loss. “Hey, Tara, it’s Carly Singleton.”
“Hello, Carly. How are you?”
“Oh, I’m fine. Actually … I’m not.”
“What’s the matter?”
My next words are spoken like a robot with brain damage. “Due to unforeseen circumstances, I won’t be able to continue with my treatment. I won’t be coming to this Friday’s appointment or any after that. Sorry for the inconvenience.”
Tara sounds genuinely upset. “Oh, I am sorry to hear that. I’ll let Dr Craven know as soon as possible.”
“Thanks.” I hang up, too choked to continue. Everything is getting on top of me.
In despair, I roll onto my bed and stare up at the ceiling, dark thoughts marring my vision. I feel completely detached from everything, like this is happening to someone else and not me.
“Oh, Nick, I can’t believe I’ll never see you again,” I whisper.
Closing my eyes, I try in vain to harden my heart against him. Try to tell myself that it was pointless dreaming, that he never liked me anyway and I never had a hope in Hell. Perhaps this is the wakeup call I need to stop obsessing about him.
“Silly little girl,” I hiss, slapping my forehead. “Nick would never go for someone like me. I mean, why would he? What do I have to offer?” I bite the inside of my cheek, forcing back the tears that threaten to master me.
