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“Give it time. I’m sure you’ll hear from him soon. But try not to get too hysterical; you’ll only end up looking desperate.”
I nod vacantly.
At lunchtime, I try a different tack. Knowing I’m due another hypnosis session later this week, I decide to give the clinic a call to see if I can reach Nick there. Standing outside my office in the cold, I tentatively dial the number. My hands are shaking and my heart is beating like a drum as Tara picks up.
“London Hypnotherapy Clinic, how may I—”
“Tara, it’s me, Carly.”
“Who?”
“Carly Singleton.”
I detect an air of frostiness in her voice. “Hello, Miss Singleton. What can I do for you?”
My brows furrow.Miss Singleton?She’s never called me that before. What happened to plain old Carly? I find her aloofness strange but forge on nonetheless. “I just wanted to book my next appointment to see Dr Craven. Is this Friday available?”
The line goes quiet, and I hear the distant tapping of computer keys. Tara returns to the phone and says coldly, “I’m sorry, Miss Singleton, but there are no slots available this week. Dr Craven is fully booked.”
“Oh. What about next week?”
“I’m afraid he’s booked solid for the next two months.”
My knees are about to give way, but somehow I find the strength to speak. “But there must be some mistake. Dr Cravenand I had an arrangement. He told me he needed to use me for a case study, so I’m sure I must be due at least two more hypnotherapy sessions. Please, could you let me speak to him so that we can sort this out?”
“I’m afraid that won’t be possible, Miss Singleton. The doctor is with a patient right now and cannot be disturbed.”
“Well, could you pass him a message and tell him to call me?”
“I don’t think he has your number.”
“Oh, my God, you’re impossible!” Before Tara can respond, I hang up, feeling sick to my stomach. Frustration turns to anger as the full realisation of what he’s done hits me.
That bastard!
Flooded with incredulity and rage, I immediately dial Nick’s mobile number. I don’t care if he knows it’s me anymore. I don’t care if he’s busy with a patient. The gloves are off, and I won’t rest until I’ve given him a piece of my mind. If it really is over between us, if hereallywas just using me, I guess I’ll have to live with it. But the least he can do is grow some balls and tell me to my face.
Stalking up and down the street like a mad woman, I call Nick’s phone again and again. Each time, the line goes dead after a few rings, but no problem, I just call him right back. Soon, the insanity of my behaviour fills me with an odd sense of elation and I become addicted to it. By five o’clock, I’ve dialled his number a grand total of sixty-eight times. Yes, I know I’m behaving like Glenn Close in heat, but right now, I’m beyond caring. Nick has completely destroyed me, and I won’t let this drop without a fight.
On the way home, I’m so wrapped up in myself I nearly step in the path of a fast-moving taxi. I’m so lost, so utterly wretched, I’ve forgotten how to cross the bloody road. Shaken to the core, and with the taxi driver’s abuse still ringing in my ears, I rush home and spend the rest of the evening in a detached bubble. I eat dinner, watch a movie, rearrange my dolls, tidy my room, keep busy, but inside I’m like a zombie, completely disassociated from everything—lost in a vacuum with a great lump of misery sitting in my belly.
The next day, I take half a day annual leave to visit my doctor. This feeling of hopelessness, this oppressive darkness has pushed me to the brink, and I need to get some professional advice to help keep me stable. At three-thirty I walk up to a modern, red-bricked building on Lavender Hill and pass through the automatic doors into a crisp, white reception. I glance from left and right. On one side is a waiting area; on the other a procession of booths assigned to different doctors’ surgeries.
Taking a deep breath, I approach the first booth and tell the grey-haired lady behind the desk that I need to see my doctor urgently. She asks for my name, address and NHS card.
I tell her and slide the well-thumbed card across the desk. She takes it and continues tapping away at her keyboard. “What is your doctor’s name?”
“Green.”
“Hmm …” She squints at her computer screen. “Dr Green is off today, but you can see Dr Wong instead. I must warn you that it might be a bit of a wait as you haven’t booked a prior appointment. Will that be okay?”
I nod eagerly. “Oh, yes, that’s fine. I just really, really need to see someone. It’s a bit of an emergency.”
The old lady smiles kindly. “Okay, take a seat over there and wait for your name to be
called. Hopefully it shouldn’t be too long.”
“Thanks.”
