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“So …” Nick sighs. “What is it you wanted to talk about?”
“Why haven’t you returned my calls?” I demand, trying to keep control of my voice. “Why are you treating me like this?” When he doesn’t respond, I continue: “What you did was pretty low. Did you really have to get Tara involved to do your dirty work? What did you tell her? That I’m some kind of crazy stalker?”
“I admit I could have handled things better,” he says quietly.
“That’s the understatement of the century.” I wipe the corners of my mouth. “I want an explanation, Nick. I need to know why you’re treating me like this. What have I done wrong?”
He leans his head back and releases a heavy sigh. “All I can say is I’m sorry. You’re right. I’ve behaved like a coward and what I’ve done is completely reprehensible, but you’ve got to believe, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
I laugh mechanically. His words feel like a punch in the gut, but I manage not to show it. Right now, I hate him so much I think I’ll die from it. Trembling, I drop my hands into my lap to curb the urge to touch him. Even with hot rage flowing through my veins, all I can think about is holding him and kissing his mouth—that soft mouth that only a few days ago was licking and sucking my clit.
“Why, Nick, why?” My voice cracks and I’m ready to resort to begging if I have to. “Last Saturday was the best night of my life. To me, it wasn’t just making love; it was like we had a real connection: something deep, something spiritual. Since that night, all I can think about is you. Talking to you, being near you, holding you …” I break off, looking at him like a puppy trying to gauge its master’s mood. “What I’m trying to say is, I don’t want this to be over between us.”
Nick loosens another sigh and focuses on the rain-speckled windscreen; he can’t look at me. “I enjoyed Saturday, too,” he says softly. “We had a lot of fun and I found it very entertaining, but I’ve taken this as far as I want it to go.”
Tears claw at my nose and throat. “You planned this from the start, didn’t you? You must get a sick thrill out of tormenting people. Is it just me, or do you sleep with all of your patients?”
“Now don’t go too far, Carly, I’m warning you. Remember, it was you who asked me out. I didn’t exactly put a gun to your head.”
“And it was you who badgered me to take part in your bloody case study,” I hiss. “You offered me free treatment. You booked us a hotel room. What was I supposed to think?”
There’s a long, seething silence during which I concede that he’s right. We both had a part to play in this mess. Silently, I start to cry, and once I’ve started, I can’t stop. All the hurt, all the pain I’ve been bottling up comes crashing down, filling the car with a sad sea of despair. Yet Nick remains unmoved, motionless in his seat like a statue. It’s like he’s got a heart of stone.
“Why don’t you want me?” I sob. “Wasn’t I—wasn’t I good?”
“It’s not that,” he replies evenly.
“Then what is it?”
Nick gestures, his hands suddenly awkward. “I just don’t think it would be a good idea. We’re simply not compatible, and it would only end in tears.”
“Is there someone else?”
“No.”
“Are you married?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
He stares at me for a long time. Finally he says, “This is insane. We barely know each other.”
“How can you say that after what we did at the hotel?” I demand. “Sex isn’t a handshake, Nick. It isn’t something impersonal you can just erase like ... like it never happened. People have feelings you know. I opened up to you, I gave you everything, we did the most intimate thing two people can do, and still you treat me like a stranger. What have I done to deserve this?” When he doesn’t answer, I wipe mascara from my eyes and laugh bitterly. “I guess I only have myself to blame. I should have known this would happen. I won’t bore you with the details, but let’s just say my life up to this point hasn’t been great. It’s one big disappointment after another. But you know what’s funny? Even after all that’s happened, I always clung to the hope of a happy ending. I deluded myself that one day a person’s luck can change for the better. Well, let me tell you something; you’ve completely destroyed even that one last shred of hope.”
He looks away and chews the inside of his cheek. I can tell what I’ve said has affected him. Moistening my lips, I decide to try a different tack. “Listen, Nick, I understand if you don’t want anything serious, but what about something casual?”
“What? You mean just sex?”
“Yes. Friends with benefits.”
He frowns. “Would you really be happy with something casual?”
I swallow hard. “Y-yes. If it meant I still got to see you, then yes, I-I think I would.”
“Too bad I’m not prepared to do that.”
I rub my face with my hand. “Right, I give up. Why won’t you give me a chance? Just tell me what your problem is.”
