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Nick scrapes his fingernails down the door. “Please, let me in. Let me hold you, darling. I promise I can take all the pain away.”
“No …” I wipe my nose on my sleeve. “I can’t ever open this door.”
He slams his fists again. “I warned you, Carly. Right from the start, I told you I was no good. I told you to stay away from me, but you wouldn’t listen. I never wanted to bring you into this, but you made me fall in love with you. What the hell was I supposed to do? You were so damned persistent.”
I get a hold of myself, partly. “Did you kill Jessica?”
“No!”
“Then who did?”
He falls silent.
Minutes pass. On the other side of the door, I can hear him breathing.A monster breathing.I think about my next move, ways to escape, but my brain has gone into meltdown. The four walls of the bathroom have suddenly become a prison, and I’m starting to feel hemmed in.Like a caged animal.
Blinking back tears, I imagine Jessica sprawled on a bed, her pale face twisted and caked with blood. My inner compass is telling me that deep down, I’ve always known what Nick is. That weird instinct that drew me to buy the crucifix was telling me something. At the time, I couldn’t understand the attraction, but now I see that a higher power was leading me to the truth.
My God.
Glancing down at Nick’s pendant, my resolve starts to weaken. The diamond weighs heavy on my chest as a constant reminder of the love we once shared, a bond I thought could never be broken. I think of the wonderful, caring man I fell in love with and find it hard to reconcile this with the horrendous apparition standing behind this door. This has got to be a hallucination.
“I can’t do this, Nick,” I breathe. “I-I can’t hate you. I know I should, but I can’t.” Covering my eyes, I muffle another sob, mascara streaming all down my cheeks. This is too much to bear. I still love him, and no matter how hard I try, these feelings just won’t go away. But how can I continue loving a monster? A despicable creature that may well have murdered an innocent young woman?
Wiping my face, I drag myself across the floor and press my cheek against the door. “Tell me everything,” I whisper. “I need to know the truth. Tell me I’m not crazy. What I saw in the kitchen … that was real, wasn’t it? I didn’t imagine it.”
There’s a short beat. Then he replies, “No, you didn’t.”
“Fucking hell.” I lubricate my throat. “So, that time you came to my bedroom, and I thought it was a dream … When you came through my window, that wasn’t a fantasy, was it? You really came to see me and you almost … Jesus!”
“I’m so sorry, darling. It was never my intention to hurt you.” He sucks air through his teeth. “I wish to God you’d heeded my warning and stayed away from me. We could have avoided all this pain, and you could have continued living in blissful ignorance. But now, it’s too late.”
“Too late? What do you mean?”
“You’re part of me now, Carly. I love you too much to ever let you go.”
I make no response. My voice has deserted me. I just sit against the door, staring into space, staring at nothing. Gradually, I return to my senses. “I-I want to know what happened with Jessica. Did you visit her at night like you did me? Did you go to her house?”
“Stop this! I told you, I never touched her.”
“Then who did? Tell me that, Nick. I want so much to believe you, but can’t you see my predicament? Can’t you understand how difficult this is for …” I break down again.
“Easy there,” he soothes. “Everything’s going to be all right. There’s nothing to fear, my darling. You know I love you. You know I would never hurt you. We can get through this. I just know we can. Take your time, relax, close your eyes ...”
Reluctantly, I follow his instructions and shudder as a wave of calm floods through me. His voice drifts in and out of my awareness, travelling up my legs and into my thighs, infusing my body with a deep sense of relaxation. I’m completely spellbound. His hold on me is as strong as ever, and it takes all my strength to keep my eyes open.
“That’s right …” he purrs. “Empty your mind completely. Relax every part of your body. Don’t think about anything, just focus on my voice. Let all your worries fade away to nothing, and just breathe, baby.Breathe.”
My eyelids droop. When I open them again, I’m lying in a small, white room with the heavy smell of antiseptic all around me. The door opens and a nurse enters. “Your mother’s here to see you, Carly. Shall I tell her to come in?”
“No, tell her to go away. I don’t want to see anyone. You know I’m still not ready.”
My life flashes before my eyes. It all feels completely hopeless. I cover my face with my hands, shaking uncontrollably. It’s all too much, the fear, the terror. Everything I’ve been bottling up comes crashing down. I have no sense of time or space. No sense of who I am orwhereI am; just a swirling vortex of misery.
Then I’m flying through cornflower skies and fields of green, dipping and swaying at breathtaking speed. Looking straight down, I yelp as blood rushes to my head. Gaining altitude, my stomach plummets. Slowly, I start to descend, and then I hear a funny popping sound in my ears that makes my throat all dry. Next thing I know I’m back on solid ground, my head so woozy I can barely see straight. When the fog clears, I’m lying on an emerald-green hill with the sun blazing down on me. I shut my eyes, relishing the heat on my skin as a gentle breeze blows tendrils of hair in my face. Dreamily, I gaze up at the sky, an endless canvass of shimmering blue. Suddenly, an old-fashioned hot air balloon appears in the distance, floating closer and closer until it’s almost level with me. Smiling, I get to my feet and take Nick’s engagement ring out of my pocket. Slowly, I walk up to the balloon, place the ring in the gondola and watch it drift away to nothing.
Free.
I am finally free.
