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"Because I'm your mate?"
"Because I love you."
She goes still, my words echoing in her mind. I stupidly realize this is the first time I've ever actually told her that. How the hell can it be the first time? Even with the shock filling her, I can feel the way peace rushes through Leah at my admission. Her eyelashes brush against my jaw as she closes her eyes. But doubt isn't far behind. I wish it didn't hurt so much.
"Do you only love me because I'm your mate though? If I were not your mate—"
"If you were not my mate, I wouldn’t have been able to hear your thoughts to find you, so I would have gone the rest of my life knowing half of me was missing. That there was only one person meant just for me in all this whole world, but that I hadn't found her. I do not love you only because you're my mate. You being my mate is the reason I was able to find you, but I fell in love all on my own."
"How, Kayo? How can you know that?"
"Because I fell in love with how strong you are, your kindness, with how deeply you feel emotions. I fell in love with Leah. You are not just my mate, but my mate that I fell in love with."
"What would it mean if I couldn't love you back?" Her words break my heart, making it feel like it's seizing in my chest.
What if she never grows to love me? What if she could never return this all-consuming love and devotion I have for her? My doubts from earlier come back now, growing and gnawing at me, taunting me with a forever unrequited love. I already know the answer to her question though. Even if she never loved me back, I would love her just the same, and swallow the pain of knowing that love would never be in her heart for me.
"Would you let me go?" she continues at my silence.
"I don't know that I can let you go, Leah," I confess.
She smiles again at my answer. And when I hear her thoughts, I know it's because she got the answer that she wanted. That I won't let her go. So that she will trust that this is where she should stay. My shoulders lose some of their tension at that, and I kiss her forehead, making that smile grow even more.
Chapter 8
"We should be able to go to my village in a few days," Kayo tells me.
His back is turned to me as he unpacks the things he's brought back from above ground. I can pretend, or hope maybe, that he's not paying attention to my thoughts too, because they're an absolute mess right now. When I lost Grace last year, I would have given anything to see her just one more time. When Keri was taken from me, I don't even know how long ago, not with all that’s happened now, and not down here where there's no sun to tell me when it's a new day. But when I watched her be marched away from me, no one could have ever told me that I wouldn't have jumped at the chance to be with her again, even below ground when I had no idea what that meant. But now Kayo’s telling me that I can see both my sisters again soon, and all I can think of is that I want more time alone with him.
The past few days have been spent doing some of the same things: laughing with each other, sharing meals, sleeping curled up with each other. Some things have been new too. He no longer goes above ground when I'm in the hot spring because we bathe together. Yesterday, we even washed each other, which ended up with me coming around Kayo's fingers inside of me. I braided his long hair, him shivering each time my fingers brushed against his horns until I was doing it on purpose just to arouse him. That time, we ended up with my mouth around his cock and him groaning his release against my pussy in a position Kayo has shown me. I was so shy at first, with my ass so close to his face, but when his tongue slid into my opening, that all fled.
More than anything else though, more than the way he can make me feel so comfortable, make my shyness fade to nothing at all, make me laugh and smile more than I have in years, more than the way he makes my body feel things I never thought it would...what truly surprises me is what he makes my heart feel. I...trust him. I believe all that he says. I believe his want for me, his love for me. I believe his every touch and smile. Instead of my mind doubting everything with him, it instead relishes in it, wanting more, yearning for more.
I feel safe with him. That's not anything I ever thought I would say when he was covered in blood at the institution, but I feel utterly protected in his presence. He has killed for me, and I know he would again. He wouldn't let anything harm me, and what's more,hewould never harm me. I'm doing things with him I never thought I would feel free to. Nothing I thought I could be comfortable enough to do. He does things to me that I never imagined I would like, let alone crave because I couldn't imagine feeling secure enough to want them. His hand on my neck, his fingers tight in my hair, his growled words that make me shiver and his commands that I don't hesitate to obey. I've told him things from my past that shock even me when I speak them out loud, but then he holds me and makes all the painful memories disappear until they fade into thoughts of a future with him.
I miss him when he goes above ground, wanting to hear his deep voice again, longing for the stories of a happy childhood he tells. Tales of swimming, learning to fight and to use a sword and knife, hunting for the first time, and parents who love each other and love him. The moment he lets me go, I yearn to be in his embrace again, tucked away in a world I feel he creates for just him and I. I feel at home with him in a way I never have anywhere else, or with anyone else, when I'm in his arms.
A part of me is dying to see my sisters, their mates, and Kayo's parents. But another part of me, a bigger one, wants to stay here with him. I wants to keep this peace we have with each other a little longer. But the fact that he's saying we need to leave here at all, makes me think his village is experiencing anything but peace right now.
"Did you hear something just now when you went up that's making you say we need to go?" I ask.
His shoulders stiffen, answering my question before a word ever leaves his mouth. "They're speaking of war with my people. Making martyrs of the men I killed, and well, monsters of us."
So much worries me about going to his village. What might the President demand in return for what Kayo and I have done? Because him releasing the video of the killings surely shows he means to use all of this to his advantage. What will Kayo’s people think of me, this woman bringing possible war in her arrival, this woman that Kayo has broken their laws to claim and bring home? Will I be welcome or looked upon with scorn?
"What else?"
"Someone must have finally reported you missing because now they've added to their story of my murders, that I then kidnapped you and dragged you down here. Do you think your people believe all of this?"
"Some. Some take anything the President says as truth. Those of us who aren't wealthy, are less inclined to trust him, let alone believe him. Finding out there was so much our government never told us about monsters definitely put a huge dent in their credibility with even more people. I'm sure there are some questioning why a monster would suddenly come above ground just to murder three random men out of nowhere. And even if they do believe it, it would make them question what’s the point of the draft continuing then, if it's not being upheld. Either way, it would be a shitstorm for the President."
He nods, finally done unpacking the new clothes and food he's brought. Then, he stands and turns to face me. I tilt my head at him, seeing the strain and worry on his face.
"You're thinking of your family," I say.
"Yes. Not worried because we've always prepared for this, but more so about what they're thinking. I know my father will be concerned about the entire village and me, but my mother will be worried sick, wondering if I'm okay. Anxious to meet you, I'm sure."
"You think?"
