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Not your friends, her mind whispered at her, and Lauren knew she couldn’t think in such absolutes.
“Oh?” Joy asked. “What did dear old Scott have to say?”
“He’s going out with someone tonight,” Lauren said. “First date.”
Joy said nothing, and Lauren wasn’t sure what that meant. She cocked her head and listened, hoping she could pick up on a feeling though Joy was twelve hundred miles away. “Joy?’
“I’m still here,” she said.
“You’re upset,” Lauren said, catching one tiny hitch in her best friend’s voice.
“No,” Joy said.
“You are,” Lauren said. “Admit it.”
“Only if you agree to tell me why you haven’t talked to Blake yet.”
Lauren pulled in a barbed breath. It hurt her throat as it went into her lungs, and a stinging vibration radiated through her whole core. “How did you know?”
“Both Bea and Cass have texted me,” she said. “Blake’s been trying to get in touch with you, and you’ve sidelined him.”
“He missed our three-month anniversary,” Lauren said.
“Because his son was in big trouble,” Joy said. “Honestly, Lauren, you have no right to give me any relationship advice or assume you know anything about how I feel about Scott Anderson.”
“I know.” Lauren felt small and insignificant. “I’m going to call him right after we hang up, I swear.”
“I miss you so much,” Joy said next, all the bite gone from her voice. “I didn’t mean to snap.”
“I know,” she said again. Silence pressed between them, and Lauren didn’t mind it. She and Joy had always allowed the silence into their conversations, and if they were sitting across from one another at their favorite Thai place, their eyes would do all the talking.
Over the phone was so much worse, in Lauren’s opinion.
“It’s okay to admit you like Scott,” Lauren said. “To me, at least. I won’t tell him or anyone else.”
“I know,” Joy said this time. She let out a slow, leaky breath. “I do like him…”
Lauren smiled and ducked her head. “Yeah, I know you do.”
“I just don’t know what to do about it,” she said next.
“Now you know how I feel about Blake,” Lauren said. “I can’t help who I am, Joy. I can’t help that I feel abandoned, even if it makes no sense. Even if he has a really good reason. I just…I needed some time to think.”
“Just don’t take too much time,” Joy said. “That manreallylikes you, Lauren. Just…don’t force him to choose between you or his kid. That’s not fair, and you already love him too.”
Lauren didn’t deny it. She didn’t know how to say it might be true, but she didn’t deny it.
“I’ll let you go,” Joy said. “You have a phone call to make, and my bell is going to ring in a minute.”
“Okay.” Lauren pressed her eyes closed. “I love you, Joy.”
“I love you too, Lauren.”
The call ended, and Lauren let her phone fall to her lap. Why could she tell Joy she loved her, but she couldn’t even admit it silently, to herself, about Blake?
She had to do something to make it up to him, and she got to her feet. She went past the office, where she had some work waiting for her, and into the kitchen. The man loved sweets, and she could spend the afternoon baking, then she’d show up at his house with an assortment of apologies and beg him to tell her the story of the past two days.
Yes, that was exactly what she’d do.
