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But Danya wasn’t here, and the night outside the window made Verve want to retreat further into the pocket of light she’d created with her lamps, one that had drawn Alem like a moth to a flame.
Slowly, she tugged the words up from her bitter depths. “Sohvi came here looking for me.”
Alem’s head shot up. “Why?”
She gnawed at her lower lip. “My last mission…I killed a mage, and took his companion prisoner. I think that fellow was a meridian.”
“Was?” Alem’s voice darkened. “You killed them.”
“No,” she shot back, too quickly. “I only brought him to my patron, who’d set me on the job. He was alive, last I saw. But Sohvi seemed to know this, somehow. She knew…” Her throat tightened and she couldn’t look at Alem, or the night sky outside. Instead, she tipped the last of the bottle’s contents down her throat. She couldn’t ignore her past, but she could drown the memories of it, at least for a night. Hadn’t she earned one night of peace? “She came here to find me. I put you all in danger.”
Alem slapped the bottle out of her hand, sending it out the open window. The absolute nerve! Verve glared at him. “What d’you think you’re—”
“I can’t do it any more,” he interrupted, glaring right back. “Watch you drink yourself into oblivion every time something upsets you. How you’ve not died of liver poisoning is beyond me, but this,” he gestured vaguely to her, “needs to stop before the worst happens.”
Slowly, she rose, careful not to hit her head again. Each movement was focused, controlled, deliberate. Her hands trembled, but it was with the fury that now coursed through her veins. “I came here to help Lotis,” Verve said through gritted teeth. “And I think I’ve made some good progress on that front. How I spend my own time isn’t your concern.”
He stood too. His eyes on her were hot iron, searing into her soul. “You came here hunting a mage. You stay, I assume, because it benefits you somehow. Every time I think otherwise, I regret it.”
“That’s on you,” Verve shot back. “Not me. I’ve never pretended to be what I’m not. If you see something else…” She spread her hands. “Also on you.”
As she spoke, the memory of Danya’s voice rang through her mind. Do you see?This is what happens when you open yourself to others. Turn away now, before it’s too late.
Then Alem said softly, “Verve, you’re killing yourself.”
Maybe it was the liquor. Maybe it was the puffer. More likely, it was some combination of the two — along with her own overly dramatic heart. The words came to Verve’s lips before she could stop them. “I died when I was six summers old, Alem. Everything since isn’t real.”
His breath caught, and he stepped closer, one hand outstretched. “It doesn’t have to be that way, Verve. You can change.” He left the last unspoken: I can help you.
Verve shook her head. “The worst has already happened. I’m beyond help.” Heat tore at her eyes, so she turned away and drew her hood up, thankful for the cover.
Alem stood still, then his footsteps sounded as he headed for the ladder. “Coward,” he muttered.
“Arrogant ass,” she hissed, but when she looked back, he was already down the rickety ladder and she was alone again.
She lit another puffer, and another, and sucked each one down in a few inhales, until the burning in her eyes receded and she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
