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Verve smiled at him, but he looked away again, shoulders hunched. Confused, Verve took another step closer, so they were within arm’s reach of each other. “Did I thank you?” she asked.
He shrugged. “I’m a healer. Healing kind of comes with the territory.”
“You did more than heal me, Alem.”
He flinched at the sound of his name, and still would not meet her eyes. “As you say.”
With her new senses, she groped for his emotions, but found only an impenetrable wall, a severe contrast to the surge she’d sensed a few minutes ago. Her heart picked up its pace. “Alem, I can tell something’s wrong. You can’t hide from me.”
With effort, he pushed himself to his feet. “You shouldn’t poke around people’s heads without their permission.”
“I wasn’t—”
“Maybe you don’t mean to,” he broke in, “but you are. How would you feel if some random stranger could look into your heart, your soul, and see everything you wanted to keep hidden?”
A memory of the glimmer’s voice echoed: You can’t escape any longer.
But she tried to keep her calm. “I’m not a stranger.”
“That’s worse,” he said. “Because you should know better. Look, meridians spend years learning to control their abilities, so they don’t accidentally influence other’s emotions.”
Her attention snagged on his words. “Meridians can…influence others?”
“That’s what I always heard.” Alem studied her. “Sohvi said you must take care with this new power.”
Verve tried not to scoff. “I can figure it out on my own. I’ve spent enough time around mages. I understand how magic works. This can’t be much different.”
No, and her new abilities could be even better than magic, for if she could sense the Lotis villagers, she could sense others, too. Which meant no more ambushes, no surprises. She would know when someone lied, perhaps even be able to dig out the truth from their mind.
Danya most likely thought her dead, but if not, Verve would know if—or when—Atal’s Chosen came near Lotis. And if Danya got wind of Verve’s survival, she would indeed make good on her threat; she would send Usko and the others after Verve. And Verve would be forced to kill—
She cut off the thought and tried to focus again on her new abilities. If she could sense magic itself… No mage would be able to get close enough to Lotis to damage anyone or anything.
Alem made a sound of frustration. “You need to contact Sohvi and the other meridians. Sohvi said you could find her when you were ready — she said you just had to look. But she also made a point to say that you’ll need help to deal with these new abilities, to parse through all the memories from Space-Between-Stars’s previous hosts.”
“Well, where is Sohvi?” Verve made a show of looking around. “If it’s so important I need her help, why’d she abandon me?”
Abandon was too strong a word for the absence of someone Verve didn’t know very well and liked even less, but it fit — for Celidon, who’d been Sohvi’s friend. And now it fit for Verve, who now shared Celidon’s memories.
More emotional baggage. Just what she needed.
Alem studied her. “Look, I don’t have all the answers, all right? But I think Sohvi was just as… confounded by all of this as you are, so she needed to consult the other meridians. But I don’t really care about her. What I do know is you need to learn how to manage your gift.”
Verve scoffed. “Gift? This was forced on me. By rights, I can use it how I please.”
He took a step toward her, then seemed to think better of it. “Between what I learned from Milo and what Sohvi told me on the trip back here, I’ve come to understand that being a meridian is mostly responsibility. You’re now the bearer of an additional spirit; you may not actively feel Space-Between-Stars all the time, but their spirit is within you, still, and so is all the knowledge they’ve learned from their own lives, and all the different hosts they’ve had. You’re in charge, but it’s not just you behind those eyes any longer, Verve.”
The truth in his words echoed like a massive bell clanging within her spirit. The weight of those old memories, relics of another time, sank into her bones, filling them with lead. It was too much. All of this was too much. She needed a puffer. She really needed a drink—by the One, she deserved some fun after the last few horrific days—and needed to sit with this new reality.
But she couldn’t say that to Alem, who clearly expected her to be some paragon of virtue now.
“What’s your damage?” she asked. “Is it because the meridians didn’t want you to join them? Are you jealous of me?”
“That’s…” His gaze fell to his bare feet. “Completely true. I just didn’t realize it.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “How much of a jerk was I?”
She tried not to smile. “No more than usual.”
“Ah.” He winced. “Sorry about that.”
