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Jane stood up. She knew she was being ridiculous in letting Lucy anger her, but she couldn’t help it.
“I cannot make him like you, Cousin,” she said in an icy voice. “Do not blame me for the fact that he prefers me over you. Perhaps you should settle to becoming a vicar’s wife and be happy about it.”
Lucy looked outraged. Marianne shook her head. Jane knew she had gone too far, but why couldn’t she speak her mind when Lucy thought she could say anything she liked to her, without caring if it hurt her or not?
Jane knew what Marianne would say to her when they were alone. Her sister would tell her that Lucy might be vain and superficial, but she was still their cousin. Jane must be the better person. But she didn’t care about any of that now. Her cousin had no idea what she was going through and wouldn’t care even if she did. All Lucy cared about was winning the prize.
“Do your best,” said Jane, her heart twisting. “You are welcome to him. I have repeatedly said that I wish to remain unmarried. Now, will you just drop the subject?”
Lucy’s jaw dropped. Jane walked quickly out of the room. She hated losing her temper, but her nerves were frayed.
The worst of it was the fact that Lucy was right, even if her motivation for speaking wasn’t pure. Jane shouldn’t be encouraging the Earl at all, and she knew it. She couldn’t marry him. Shewasbehaving in a selfish manner.
Jane ran up to her room, collapsing across the bed. This had to stop. She had always known it must stop. She couldn’t believe she had let it go as far as it had. That she had let the Earl do those things to her, trembled beneath his touch. She was at risk of compromising her reputation. If anyone had seen them together last night, there would be grave consequences.
She must forget all about the delirious pleasure she had received from him. At the end of the day, it meant nothing to him anyway. She was flirting with danger, and for what purpose? Somehow, she must expunge it totally from her mind. It wasn’t going to be easy, but she must do it.
“I am sorry, Mama,” she whispered, her heart clenching. “I am sorry for forgetting about you. You told me that affairs of the heart brought nothing but pain, and you were right.”
But then, the Earl’s voice rang in her mind, as clear as a bell. The last words he had spoken to her last evening before she had left him in the gardens.
I cannot get you out of my head, Jane. I cannot.
Chapter 26
The bells were chiming loudly as Jane and her family left the small church in Seaborne. Her father left them almost immediately, peeling away to speak to some other people. They always lingered for a while after the Sunday service to speak to the other townsfolk. Then they would walk at a leisurely pace back to their house, where a full luncheon awaited them. It was tradition.
But Jane had no patience for it today. She wanted to get away as quickly as possible. The Earl and his friend, Colonel Morland, had decided to attend the service. She had seen them in a pew towards the front.
Now, she must make her escape before he spotted her in the crowd milling outside the church. She didn’t want to make polite conversation with him after what had happened between them. She didn’t know whether she could look him in the eye at all.
Jane hovered near the church gates impatiently while Marianne and Lucy spoke to some people. She was just about to go up to her sister, pull her aside, and tell her that she would walk home by herself, when Charles bounded up to her, looking as eager as a puppy to speak to her.
“What are you doing later?” he whispered. “I was wondering if you could meet me at the hayshed again. After you have had luncheon, of course.”
“Why?” Jane was starting to lose patience with Charles. “Why can’t you just visit me at home? We could play a round of cards or something.”
His face dropped. “Because it is not the same, Jane. Who wants to be stuck in a stuffy drawing room playing cards? Please. I will not take up much of your time.”
Jane rolled her eyes. “I suppose so. Around two?”
He grinned at her. “Perfect. I shall be there.”
He didn’t linger. Jane stared after him, instantly regretting that she had agreed to the rendezvous. But he had put her on the spot, and she just wanted to put an end to the conversation so she could get away. Fervently she hoped he wasn’t going to bring up his undying love for her again. This time, she resolved, she would simply walk away if he did. She had explained herself enough, now that he should understand and respect her decision.
The crowd cleared a little. Suddenly, Jane saw the Earl. He was standing there frowning as he stared at her. Obviously, he had just seen her talking with Charles.
A sliver of anger sliced through her. Why should he care if she was speaking with a friend? He didn’t care for her at all. And he had no right to lay claim to anything she did. She was losing patience with him, as well. They could all go to the devil as far as she was concerned.
Desperately, she looked for Marianne. But her sister was still busy talking. On impulse, she turned and walked through the church gates, heading home by herself. She knew that everyone would scold her when they got home, but she was past caring. She needed to leave. She was in an ill temper indeed. And now, she just wished the day over and done with entirely.
***
Charles was waiting for her at the hayshed when Jane finally got there. She was a little late. Sunday luncheon had gone longer than usual. It had tried what little patience she had left. Marianne kept giving her odd looks, but she had managed to avoid her sister.
“There you are,” said Charles, grinning widely. “I was about to give up on you.”
Jane sighed. “Luncheon ran overtime. Why did you wish to meet me, Charles? I cannot stay long.”
