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It had taken finding the right woman to make him finally see that perhaps it was possible to open his heart and let it into his life. That perhaps it wasn’t the destructive force he had always thought it, but something transformative, if it existed between two people who felt the same way about each other.
He just hoped that he could keep it now that he had found it. He wished it with his whole heart. If he was a spiritual man, he would fall to his knees now and pray for it.
What was her decision going to be?
Chapter 39
Percy knocked on the door of the Metcalfe house at around ten. He was so nervous his hands were shaking, and he couldn’t think straight. Jane hadn’t specified a time to call, but he was in agony and couldn’t have waited any longer if he had tried.
The butler brought him to the drawing room. Marianne and Jane were seated across from one another, quietly embroidering. There was no sign of Lucy or their father. For a moment, he contemplated the domestic scene. The two sisters looked so companionable together. There was an air of peace and contentment in the room.
As soon as Marianne saw him, she got up, smiling at him widely. She didn’t look surprised to see him at all.
“Good morning, Percy,” she said. “I shall leave you and Jane alone. I think it is important to do so.” She turned to her sister. “I shall be in the parlour if you need me, dearest.”
Jane nodded. Marianne left, closing the door behind her. He couldn’t help but remember the last time he had been here when Marianne had done the same thing. That had turned into something he hadn’t expected at all. What was going to happen now?
Jane stood up, facing him. “Please, sit down, Percy.”
When he was seated opposite her, he gazed into her face. She looked so calm today, very different from the tormented woman he had seen yesterday. It was almost as if she were glowing from within. He knew in that moment that she had reached a final decision as she had promised. He hadn’t arrived too soon.
The only sound in the room was the faint tick of the clock on the mantel. He gazed around the room, remembering the first time he had been here. The day that he had proposed to Jane for the very first time.
He almost laughed, thinking about it now. How arrogant and foolish he had been. How falsely confident that the woman sitting across from him would accept him. He had only just met her. Whathadhe been thinking?
And yet, he knew that his instinct about her had been right from the start. Shewasthe woman for him. He just hadn’t known then exactly how much. How important she would come to be in his life. The sedate and orderly marriage of convenience he imagined having with her had never been possible.
And he wouldn’t want it now, anyway.
Jane took a deep breath. “Firstly, I wish to apologise for all the pain I have put you through,” she said in a quiet voice. “I know how much you have suffered.”
He sighed heavily. “The pain shall be worth it if I get the reward that I seek, Jane.” He paused. “But thank you. It means a lot to me.”
“Percy, I should have told you much earlier about the vow I gave to my mother,” she said slowly. “When you were confused as to why I was so committed to remaining a spinster, I should have just been honest with you.”
His face twisted. “I think we are both guilty of that, Jane,” he said. “I was not honest with you, either. When I started to realise that my feelings towards you were serious, I could have told you.” He took a deep breath. “It might have made a difference. If I had told you I loved you, then perhaps you would have trusted me and realised what was in your heart sooner, as well.”
She smiled sadly. “Yes, I think we both would have done things differently if we knew what we know now,” she said. “But we did not have that knowledge, and so we have done the best that we could, as the people that we are. Or should I say, the people that we once were?”
He sighed. “It is true. I am a different person now. And that is all thanks to you, Jane. You opened my heart and made me realise that the way I had been living was so flawed.” He paused, struggling for words. “It was as if I was blind before, and now the whole world has suddenly burst into light and colour.”
She caught her breath, a soft little sigh, her green eyes shining.How beautiful she was,he thought, his heart twisting. And every word he had just said was true. Shehadbrought light and colour to his dark world. He hadn’t even realised how dark it had been.
“I feel the same way,” she said, her voice breaking a little. “I feel like I was living half a life before you swept into it. I thought I was content, but it took loving you for me to realise that I was just existing.” She paused. “I feel as if I was waiting for you my whole life.”
A wave of emotion swept between them. They gazed at each other. It took all of Percy’s self-control not to jump up and rush to her side, take her hand and kiss it fervently, beg her not to forsake their love.
“Jane,” he said, taking a deep breath. “Please. I cannot wait any longer. What is your decision?”
Jane gave a little sob. “I want you, and I want our love, Percy,” she said slowly. “I want to marry you with my whole heart.”
For a moment, he sat there stunned. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. His breath came in short, sharp gasps. He replayed her words over in his head, wondering if he had heard her correctly, or if he had somehow imagined what she had just said to him.
“You will?” he stuttered eventually. “You will marry me?”
She nodded her head. “Yes, Percy. I will marry you.” Her voice was solemn. “I will marry you because I love who you are. I do not care about your title or your estates, or your wealth. They have never meant anything to me. I loveyou, Percy. The man sitting in front of me.”
His heart expanded. He didn’t know how much he had needed to hear those words until she said them. Ever since he could remember, he had been pursued by ladies who just wanted him for what he was, not who he was. His title and all that came with it. He had grown so cynical. He hadn’t even realised how much.
