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Chapter Twenty Seven
Jessie wound down thecar window.
‘Are you okay in the back there?’ Cecilia twisted around in the passenger seat.
‘Yes, fine. Just a bit hot, that’s all.’ She looked out of the car window, focusing on the cars and lorries they passed as they sped away from the bay. Flicking her hair forward over her face, she wiped the tears away with Elsie’s handkerchief. She could smell the fabric conditioner she’d used. It smelt the same as her bedding had.
‘I know you were enjoying yourself down by the seaside, but you’ll feel better once you’re home and settled again.’
Down by the seaside? Her mum made it sound as though it had been a little holiday. And she supposed it had, but it had felt like a whole lot more. She’d begun to feel like herself again. A glimpse of the person she’d been before she and Brad had split up, before Kelly and Brad had got together. Like the person she had been years before even, before her and Brad’s relationship had soured. She’d felt valued. Whatever it was about Penworth Bay, ‘the bug’ Wendy had joked about, it was real. Something was real. Something about the place; Elsie, the people she’d worked with, the customers, everyone had made her feel more confident than she had done in a long time. She wound the window back up.
‘You can always visit. Wait a bit until we’re in a good routine with the baby and then we can all go down. Stay in Uncle Phil’s caravan for a week or so. What do you think?’
Jessie nodded. It wasn’t the same. It wouldn’t be and she knew she wouldn’t go back and visit Elsie, or the bakery. She just wouldn’t be able to face it. She wiped her palm across the window, clearing the condensation from her breath.
A loud ping signalled a new message, and Kelly’s phone vibrated across the dashboard.
‘Can you see who that is, please, Mum?’ Kelly glanced towards her mobile before focusing again on the road ahead.
‘It’s Brad. He wants to talk to you.’ Cecilia glanced back at Jessie and leaned back, rubbing her knee. ‘I know this is difficult for you, but it would be such a good thing if we can get Kelly and Brad back together, or even if he just faces up to his responsibilities. You understand, don’t you, Jess?’
Great. Jessie nodded. She understood. Of course she did. She understood it would be in the baby’s best interests to have Brad in his life. She sighed. Did they even need her support? It sounded as though Kelly was going to have everything she’d ever dreamed of, anyway. What about her, Jessie? She smoothed out Elsie’s handkerchief over her lap. At the moment, she didn't seem to belong anywhere. She hadn’t belonged at home when she’d left, and she’d feel even more isolated when she got back by the sounds of it. If Brad and Kelly got together again, they’d be spending time at the family home. She’d either have to stay in her room, go out or feel even more uncomfortable. She didn’t belong at the bay, not now she knew how Simon really felt about her, so where did she belong? Maybe she should just up and go? Begin her life elsewhere. It wouldn’t really matter where, but maybe Elsie had been right. Maybe she needed to start thinking of herself. Deciding in which direction she wanted her own life to go.
‘Yay! That’s got to be a good sign, hasn’t it?’ Kelly looked at her mum before catching Jessie’s eye in the rearview mirror. ‘I won’t talk to him if you don’t want me to. I know I’ve hurt you, and I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I can walk away from him.’
‘No, it’s fine. I don’t mind.’ And she didn’t, she realised she didn’t. She wouldn’t want him back. She’d known that all along, but now, something had changed. She realised she really didn’t mind them getting together. Let them have the happy family. She and Brad weren’t meant to be, but maybe Kelly and Brad were. It wasn’t her place to dictate what her sister should do. And if she really was going to leave her hometown, try to start her life over somewhere else, then she’d have even less reason to mind.
‘Really?’ Kelly squealed. ‘I’ve got to pull over. Do you mind if we pull over? I need to talk to him.’
‘There’s a petrol station over there, just up here. Pull over there. We need to fill up, anyway.’ Cecilia pointed to a garage coming up.
In that moment, Jessie knew what was waiting for her at home. She knew nothing would have changed. She’d revert back to who she was before she’d visited to the bay. She could offer Kelly the support she needed over the phone, or even hop on the train and be there for any appointments. She didn’t need to be living in the same house as her. In fact, it would probably be more of a hindrance if she was there, living under the same roof when Kelly and Brad were trying to get their relationship back on track.
‘Are you okay, Jess?’ Her mum twisted around in her seat and looked back at her.
‘Yes.’ Jessie nodded. ‘I think I am. I’m going to go back to the bay and finish my volunteering time there.’
‘But...?’ Kelly’s voice was laced with tears.
‘I’ll only be away for another few weeks and, if anything, it will give you and Brad space to see if you can get your relationship back on track. If I’m there, things will be awkward. You know they will.’
Kelly turned into the petrol station, pulling up beside a pump, before turning around and clasping Jessie’s hand. ‘I don’t have to get back with him. He might not even want to.’
‘Just because Brad wasn’t the one for me, he might be for you, and that’s fine. You deserve to be happy. You both do.’ And she meant it. Jessie squeezed Kelly’s hand back.
‘Really? Are you sure?’
