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“I am. Actually, I was recently thinking that it’d be nice to branch out and try some new things. I’ve always wanted the real deal, and I’m too scared to try with someone I don’t know because I’m worried it’ll fall apart, so why try, you know?”
“Are you proposing something?”
Megan bit her lip and blew out a breath so a lock of her red hair flew away from her face. “I’m very comfortable with you. I like you a lot. You said you’re leaving anyway, so I know there’s no pressure, so maybe we could make this…” she trailed off, struggling to find the words.
Troy was more than happy to oblige her. “Fun and casual?”
“I guess I can see the appeal after all.”
He nodded. “A lot of people are afraid to commit. They want the experience but don’t want to get hurt.”
“I’ve lost enough people,” she said, staring hard into their intertwined hands, before glancing up as if to see if he heard something that clearly wasn’t meant to be said out loud.
It was funny, wasn’t it? He wasn’t looking for anyone serious. Was actually dead set on avoiding it for the very reason she spelled out. And yet, she was doing the opposite thing for the same exact reason. He felt bad even comparing. He had lost his mom and his brother and then his friends in that awful fire, but she had lost her whole family, twice. It didn’t seem fair.
He understood why she wanted to help his dad. Not only was she generous with her time, but family was everything to her, since she didn’t have one. It also made sense why she would hold it against him for the time it took to get home.
Everything about her from her past, her job, and her fears was the same as his. Never before had he met someone who understood so perfectly.
“Me too. I get it.”
“Is it easier being intimate with someone that you know will leave? I’ve always thought about it as being harder.”
Troy tilted his head to one side and considered her question, trying to choose his words carefully. He had never thought so much about his reasonings or been asked to explain. “I think it can be. At some point you get attached, but I think the way to do it is to take it day by day.”
Boy, would his therapist be proud to hear him now.
“Day by day?”
“Yeah,” he spoke and sounded more confident to his own ears. “None of this is guaranteed. All we have is today. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow, so I think in a way it’s easy just to focus on what’s right in front of you instead of worrying or overthinking about the future. None of us know if we’ll even be here at all.”
Megan’s eyes narrowed but not out of malice. She digested his words and started to nod slowly. “I’ve never thought about it that way before.”
“You must be a remarkable firefighter.”
Fire scared the shit out of him ever since that roadside bomb hit the convoy. The smell of burning flesh still haunted him.
Megan shook her head emphatically. “Not really.”
“I beg to differ.”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
She tried to pull her hand away from his, but he brought his other one over top of hers, gently keeping it still.
“You know, I’ve seen some stuff, and of course, there was Mom and Adam, so for a long time I became hyperaware. Like if I could imagine every possible terrible thing that could go wrong, I could somehow prevent it from happening.”
“That’s not possible.”
“Exactly. I still have a hard time. And don’t think I didn’t think about putting Dad in a home where someone would cook his meals.”
Megan’s blue eyes widened at the mental image of his dad no doubt giving hell to some poor nurse just trying to do her job. “He would hate that.”
“Oh, it would kill him, so…” Troy shrugged. “I let it go. We’ll rebuild and move on. He feels bad enough about it. Tells me at night. He’s already beating himself up about it, so I doubt he’ll ever touch a gas stove again.”
“I figured that’s why the plans you showed me looked ADA compliant.”
Troy nodded once. “Bingo. Microwave will be lower in the new island for easy access.
