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Gabby looks at me when it becomes silent. I’m chomping at the bits, hoping two friends aren’t about to fight, because that’s where the mood shifted, and there is a flight of stairs behind them. “Your face gives you away, Maddox. You wanna hit me?” Landon taunts. “Fucking hit me. It’s been a long time for you and me. Of everyone here, I’m the one that can take you in a fair fight. It’s been coming since November. I’ll even give you the first swing.”
“You’re my best friend, dick. I’m not fighting you.”
“Then take a fucking walk. She’s in a bedroom, not behind a wheel. Give her some headspace before history repeats itself. No one wants to bury two.”
My heart breaks, and by the way Gabby covers her face with her hands, I’m going to say she feels the same. I almost wish I didn’t know what he was talking about, or the picture he’s painting.
The sad moment is short-lived, though, when both of us jump from the bang against the wall, likely from the rolled end of a fist. “Still a fucking asshole,” Maddox bites out, and then footsteps descend.
After a few seconds, everything is eerily silent. Her hands drop from her face, and she stares at the door. “After that horrible reminder, I have to find a better way to be alone when something upsets me. Running like that, I’ve never thought of—”
“Hey, who would, you know?” I interrupt to shut that thought process down. No reason to add stress to an already stressful situation, especially pregnant.
She turns around, looking defeated, and really fucking upset. “He doesn’t deserve it, though. He hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s all me. Sometimes he can be overbearing in the best ways. With all the time we’ve lost, he doesn’t understand that sometimes I honestly just need a few minutes to think, to be mad, to need someone to not be positive while I vent.”
I glance down at her very round belly, unable to avoid it any longer. She’s due next month. Seems like no time ago we were hanging out in the hot tub and drinking. I twirl my finger at it. “For the record, this is weird.”
She laughs for the first time since she came in here, and then she’s walking toward me and throws her arms around me. “I’ve missed you,” she whines, her baby bump brushing against my stomach.
“Yep, definitely weird. If it kicks me, I’m going to freak out.”
She giggles, then rubs her belly against mine in some weird dance just to make things more awkward. “I’m going to remember this when you’re pregnant with Landon’s babies.”
My face probably mimics a look of horror, but thankfully, no one can see it. Their kids will likely be half-grown by then. I’m not going down that road of conversation. I don’t want to jinx Landon and me. “By the way, are you going to tell me what color this baby likes? Am I supposed to buy pink or blue? I’m going to be bitter if everyone knows but me.”
She sighs, and then her hands loosen right before she pulls back. “I don’t know.”
My brows furrow. “You don’t know?”
She inhales and then breathes out. “I mean, I literally don’t know what we’re having.”
“Oh, so you’re going to be surprised at birth?”
“No.”
“Gabby!” I call out, frustrated. I feel like I’m turning into Landon. Or maybe we are both more similar than I originally thought, but that makes zero fucking sense. You either want to know, or you don’t.
“I was too scared to know,” she finally admits.
“What?”
“I know it seems stupid. We were there for the anatomy ultrasound, and when the technician asked if we wanted to know the gender, I broke down in a way that was embarrassing. She likely thought I was crazy. I could tell Maddox was internally freaking out. My pregnancy with Madden wasn’t good mentally. The entire time I knew I was going to have to give him up in the end, and that’s hard to come back from. Every day I live in a nightmare wondering if something is going to be wrong with the baby, the pregnancy, or the delivery. I wonder what is going on in Maddox’s head too even though I know he’s trying to be strong. I’m terrified, Paxtyn, and I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone about this but you.”
I have no idea why . . . Any girl in this house would be more qualified for this than me.
I take a deep breath, trying to accommodate for my growing heart, and then I place a hand on each of her shoulders and turn her, leading her toward the bed until she’s sitting on top of the mattress. “What happened at the hospital?”
Her eyes are so full of tears it’s making mine well up. “I wanted to take a maternity class. Not only did I want to be more prepared this time, to have knowledge of what’s going on with my own body with an adult mindset, but I’ve also been trying to add in happy experiences during this pregnancy to prove to myself this one is different. I have Madden back. My dad is on board with Maddox and I getting married in the church of my dreams. We finally have a relationship again. Mentally, I know he couldn’t take this baby even if he wanted to. He made it right. I’ve forgiven him, even though I think he’s an idiot to let my mom come back after everything I went through. Long story. Not for this lifetime and maybe the next. Anyway, I was excited about the hospital tour. We’re in a different place now than when Madden was born. But when we got to the maternity wing and went into a labor and delivery room, everything came back to me so hard I could barely breathe. It was like a three-dimensional movie in my head of my worst nightmare. I couldn’t get it to stop: the pain, the screaming and crying, having him pried out of my arms. Leaving that damn hospital empty-handed and expected to just forget he exists. It was too much. All I could think about was getting out of that fucking hospital. I can’t have my baby there. They would have to sedate me, and when it comes to giving birth to my baby, I’ll never be out of it. I don’t even think I can have an epidural, because if I can’t get to my baby immediately, I’m coming out of that bed. What am I supposed to do? Everyone will think I’m crazy.”
She’s crying so hard she can barely breathe, her words are choppy and not flowing correctly, and everything came out so fast it’s like her brain is on speed. She’s having a panic attack; definitely some PTSD going on. And while I can’t understand this, it’s breaking my heart. I lovingly slap her across the face. Her eyes bulge. It was such a shock that she immediately stops all that exhausting sobbing. “Pull it together. We are strong. We are warrior bitches. No one defeats us. There is always a solution.”
She wipes under her eyes, the smallest smile appearing. “I can’t believe you just slapped me.”
“Bitch, that was a love tap. It didn’t even hurt.”
She takes a deep breath, her body still trying to make up for the lack of oxygen. “Still. Be glad I love you. What’s the solution?”
I ponder, sorting through my brainpower until the option becomes clear. “You have the baby here.”
