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Cameron
The car rider line is,at the same time, both my favorite and least favorite place to be. Favorite because it means my girl will be running to the truck and telling me everything that happened during her day. Least favorite because this line is a million miles long and it takes forever to get through. At least once a week, I’m hit on. Some divorced mom is looking for me to be a new father to their kid when, in fact, I’m doing the best I can with the one I already have.
Reaching over into the console, I grab a bag of chips I keep there for a snack on days like this. I got here later than normal and I’m in the very back. It could easily be thirty minutes or an hour before I get to the front.
My phone rings and I grin when I see Gauge’s name on the display.
“Hey man,” I answer, happy to hear from him. “How are you doing?”
“Not too bad. They’re letting me come back to the station next week,” he continues.
“Already?” Last time I saw him, there was no way he was ready to work a shift.
“I’ll be riding a desk until a decision is made on what happens to me in the future, but I’m just excited to get back with y’all. It sucks being stuck on the sidelines. I’ve missed that feeling of camaraderie.”
Guilt hits me hard. “I know I haven’t been around as much as I should have.”
“You’re busy, Cam. Your daughter should be your number one priority. Not your friend who had some bad luck.”
“I’d call it a little different than bad luck, G. From where I’m sitting, you had some damn good luck.”
Neither one of us comment on how quickly it could’ve gone the other way for him. For any of us. It’s still a point of contention. None of us want to say the words aloud. To be the person who brings up how close we were to losing one of our own.
“I know you mean well saying that, but there are days when I feel like half a man,” he admits. “I’m not doing everything I wanna do and knowing that you all are out there living my dream, picking up my slack? It’s hard to deal with.”
I wish there were words to make him feel better, but I know anything I say will have the exact opposite of what I want it to. He’ll accuse me of placating and I won’t have a good rebuttal. “You should come over and hang out with me and Trin soon. She misses her Uncle Gauge.”
“Yeah, I’m sure she does. Nat said she’d bring Trinity with her when they come keep me company at PT in the next few days. So I’ll see her then.”
“Why do I get the feeling you’re trying to avoid me?” I hit him with my suspicions square in the chest. “C’mon, you’re my best friend. I wanna see you and make sure you’re okay, just like everybody else does.”
“Seeing you reminds me of what I’ve lost.” His voice is raw with emotion, like he’s pulled the words from deep within the pit of his stomach.
“You haven’t lost anything,” I remind him. “Right now, you don’t know what the extent is and you won’t know until you finish all your PT.”
This time, his voice is angry. “You don’t get it, Cam. It’s more than just being able to go out and help people…” He trails off.
“Then explain it to me.”
“Ya know what? I’ll talk to you later.”
Before I can say anything else, the dial tone is beeping in my ear. Sighing, I drop my phone to the cupholder and stress eat a handful of chips. I desperately want to get through to my best friend, but I’ve been on the job long enough to know he’s going to have to come around on his own. Considering my take-charge personality, this is a fucking lesson in patience.
As his lieutenant, I’m struggling. The quicker I get him talked into coming back to work, the better off he’ll be. Although he won’t be able to get on the truck, he’ll still be around the guys. Loneliness is a big component when people don’t come back to the job. This team needs Gauge back.
As his best friend, I’m struggling even worse. He’s hurting and I don’t know how to help him. All while having wet dreams about fucking his sister.
Another handful of chips and finally it’s my turn.
The softball coach comes over, opening the door on the truck. “Hey Cam, Trinity will be out in just a sec. She forgot one of her books.”
I chuckle, rolling my eyes. “Sounds like her.”
“While I got you here…”
Not like I can go anywhere while waiting for Trin, but I don’t say anything.
“Something I can help with?”
