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Glaring at him, I fire back, “I do.”
“To be well adjusted, you need to be truthful with yourself and I don’t think you’re doing that. I don’t think you’ve done that since you came back from the Olympics. It hurt you when you didn’t get the chance to play professionally. I don’t want you to fall back in to the same type of headspace you were in after you came back from overseas.”
“What do you mean?” I know I’m being purposely obtuse, but if someone doesn’t spell it out for me, I’m going to convince myself to do something that’s bound to hurt.
He stops what he’s doing to stare at me. “You won’t be okay if this doesn’t work out.”
“I’m okay now,” I argue, still not wanting to see the logic of what he’s trying to say.
“You haven’t put yourself out there yet, but you’re eventually going to and when you do, there’s a chance it’s going to break you.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “But there’s also a chance it’ll work out.”
“Need I remind you he hasn’t dated anyone since his marriage didn’t work out? Look, I’m not trying to convince you not to do what your heart is set on. What I’m trying to get you to do is see things from a different perspective. I don’t want you to give everything of yourself and expect nothing back in return.”
My throat tightens. “Isn’t that what love is, Brandt?” It’s everything I read about in the books late at night when I don’t have anything else to do. When I’m watching Trinity and she’s out like a light. It’s what I imagine, even when I know I shouldn’t.
“It is, but there’re also two things you have to worry about. Self-preservation and your brother.”
Gauge.
The unknown factor in this whole situation. My stomach hurts as I think about what all of this could mean.
CHAPTEREIGHT
Cameron
Rollingmy head to the left and then to the right, I do my best to stretch my neck out. It’s tighter than it’s been in a while. I blame the fact that Natalie’s in my home for getting me all tense. I haven’t seen her since the wet dream that had me coming all over myself.
And here she is helping Trinity get ready for school this morning. It’s time for school pictures and, apparently, the way Dad does hair isn’t acceptable anymore.
Not that it ever really has been. She’s getting older and is less worried about hurting my feelings. She will flat-out tell me now if I do something she doesn’t like.
“Morning,” Nat says as she comes in, having a seat across the table from me.
“Did you get her taken care of?” I reach over, putting a cup of coffee in front of her.
She grabs it, taking a hesitant sip. “Thank you.” She groans. “I was up late last night.”
Part of me wants to know why she’s so tired; the other part of me knows it’s none of my damn business. I give myself a pat on the back when all I do is raise my eyebrow at her.
“But to answer your question, she’s ready for pictures. Looking way too grown up.”
That’s what I was worried about. She’s growing up on me and I’m not dealing with it well. Instead of dwelling on the unpleasantness of being a parent, I change the subject. “I have a question for you.”
She grins. “Ask me and I might have an answer.”
The tone she uses is fuckin’ flirtatious. I can imagine us in a tangle of skin and sheets. Blissed out and exhausted from going hard at each other’s bodies.
“Cam?” She snaps her fingers in front of my face. “Where’d you go? I thought you had a question.”
So many of them. “Uh yeah, I was approached by Trin’s school. They need a softball coach and they know I have an in with you.”
Her cheeks turn red. “That was a couple of years ago; when are people going to let it go?”
“You should be proud of all your accomplishments, Nat. That is a huge one. You should wear it on your sleeve everyday. Go around town with a patch on your shirt that saysI was on the Olympic team.”
“Alternate,” she corrects me.
