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“Are we going?” Parker asked and she got in the car.
They stayed silent for the ride home. Parker lingered outside to finish a cigarette and Paige went inside alone. She didn't know what she wanted to do while she waited, but found herself going into Parker’s room – she'd practically moved in, anyway. His clothing was still everywhere, everything looked pretty much the same, minus the lamp they'd broken. She crawled to the center of the bed and sat cross legged, staring out the windows. She didn’t know how long Parker had been standing in his doorway before he finally spoke.
“Carlsbad?”
Paige shrugged. “I went there once, it’s pretty neat. You’d like it.”
“I probably will. I would’ve liked it even better if I had known I was going there,” he said with a laugh before entering the room. He took off his pink hoodie and let it fall to the floor. Paige laughed as well, watching him as he climbed onto the bed and stretched out next to her.
“Well, it was so silent that I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. I knew if we said ‘we don’t know’, he never would have shut up,” she pointed out. Parker nodded.
“Very true. So is that what you really want to do? Make our way to Vegas?” he questioned her. She shrugged.
“Sure. I mean, we could go somewhere else. Utah. Arizona. Or we could head back towards -”
“Paige.” He stopped her. She looked down at him.
“What?”
“What are we doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what are we doing?”
“Making plans?”
“Paige,” he sighed, clearly exasperated. “I know having a deep conversation isn’t exactly your thing, but we need to discuss some stuff.” She swallowed thickly.
“Okay. What kind of stuff?” she asked warily. He pulled himself up into a sitting position and rested against the headboard.
“What is going on with us?”
“We’re having fun,” she answered quickly. He rolled his eyes.
“Gotta give me more than that, Paige. We’re just gonna drive around, till we run out of money or the car breaks down? We just keep going untilyoudecide this is over?” he asked. She flinched.
“No. I’ve always given you the option to end this, too, you know. I always told you to tell me when you wanted to head on your own way,” she pointed out. He laughed darkly.
“I think we’ve moved a little beyond me just being your chauffeur. Despite whatyoumight be able to do or say, I don’t think I could just tell you to hit the road,” he said. She took a deep breath.
“Why don’t you just tell me whatyouwant, Parker, since I don’t seem to have the answers you want to hear. You can tell me what you’re thinking, and then I can tell you if I agree or not,” she snapped.
“Okay. I want to stay with you, be with you. I want to take you home to meet my family, show you where I grew up, where I went to school. I want to see where you grew up and meet your family. I want to show you off to my friends and tell everyone what an amazing girlfriend I have. I want to see you in your raggedy ass leggings and shorts everyday, for as long as possible,” he told her, and she had to laugh at the last part. “But I don’t know if that’s whatyouwant, mainly because you won’t say anything.Ever. So help me out, Paige. You were right, I can’t drive around indefinitely, I have to go to Seattle at some point. Not right this second, not tomorrow, but eventually I will have to go.”
Paige swallowed and nodded, staring at her lap. Everything he'd said was very sweet. Those words would stay with her for a while. But so would his other words, “we just keep going until you decide this is over?” – she couldn’t deny it, but without even realizing it, that had been what she was thinking.
But she also couldn't deny she loved being with Parker. He'd become a part of her. Her body recognized his, even when her eyes were closed. She could tell his touch from anyone else's, his voice, his heart. She loved the way he made her feel, in every sense of the word. She even kind of wanted all those things he said, wondered what it would be like to settle down a little.
Andthatscared her the most. She prized her independence above all else. Her main fear this whole time had been that Parker would invade her and take her over. Control her. And she didn’t want that, she'd worked hard to become the person she was, she didn’t want to belong to anyone ever again. She didn’t understand why Parker didn’t seem to see that, that he had a way of oppressing her even without asking anything of her.
She shook her head, tried to clear away the thoughts. She should stick to what she knew, what she'd always done. That was best. That was safest for her.
“When?” she asked, her voice a hoarse whisper.
“Excuse me?”
“When? When do you have to go to Seattle?” she asked, turning to look at him over her shoulder. He shrugged.
