Page 94 of Cruise Control


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“This is ... some stuff of yours,” he said slowly, sitting the bag on her bed.

“What stuff?” she asked, stepping forward to dig through it. A crumpled up sweater, her mini-skirt. The t-shirt from the music fest they'd gone to in New Mexico. The dress she'd worn in Las Vegas.

“Some stuff that had gotten all mixed in with my stuff. I was packing up and found it all,” he explained. She looked up at him.

“Packing up?” she pressed. He nodded, shoving his unbroken hand into the pocket of his jeans.

“Yeah, I checked out of my hotel today,” he told her. She looked confused.

“But I don’t get discharged till tomorrow,” she reminded him. He nodded and rubbed the back of his neck.

“I know. But I have to leave today,” he said softly.

Her jaw dropped open. She didn’t know what to say. They hadn’t really talked about it, but Paige had just assumed he would wait till she got out of the hospital. Her foot was still in an air cast. Getting around wasn’t exactly easy. She also had so many things she needed to tell him, things she'd worked out while awake at night, things she wanted to say outside of that room – they had so little privacy in the hospital.

“You have to? Why? Where are you going?” she asked, her voice starting to sound frantic.

“To Seattle. My plane leaves this afternoon,” he explained and she gasped.

“Plane?You bought a plane ticket!?” her voice was getting louder.

“Well, yeah, I couldn’t exactly drive,” he pointed out with a chuckle. She shook her head, her braid whipping back and forth.

“No. No, you can’t go,” she stated. He laughed.

“I have to go. I think we both need to get some stuff straightened out, or we’re going to kill each other,” he told her. She continued shaking her head.

“No. I don’t need to straighten anything out – I want to be with you,” she told him. He smiled sadly and took her hand.

“Paige, a week ago you couldn’t even say that. You’re just upset, we were in a huge accident. Things change, this will all change,” he tried to sound funny.

“It won’t! Please! I ... I know I messed up in San Diego. I know I messed up a lot on this trip, and I’m sorry! But please, don’t leave me!” she begged, gripping his hand with both of hers. He tried to pull free.

“Paige, calm down. I think it’s best to end this now. You’re fine, you should go home, maybe, try to talk some sense into your family. Maybe they’ll hear you finally. You’re worth listening to,” he told her. She let out a choking sound.

“What if I don’t want to end this?” she asked, her voice cracking.

“Maybe I do,” he replied and she felt the air leave her body. She dropped his hand.

“You want to go?” she asked. He rubbed the back of his neck and nodded.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Trying to figure out why we just couldn’t get it together. You know, I tried so hard; I tried to be this person you would want, but it didn’t work, and that’s when it hit me – you just didn’t wantme,” he said.

“Ialwayswanted you,” she replied. He shook his head.

“No. I wanted you and I was willing to do anything to try to be with you. You didn’t feel the same way, you were just along for the ride,” he told her. She made a sobbing sound.

“No, that’s not how it was, I promise. I was just so stupid, sosostupid. I’ve been thinking a lot, too, and I was wrong. About everything. I don’t know why I was scared, but I’m not anymore. I’ll go to Seattle with you. I’ll go anywhere with you, I’ll at least try,” she promised. Parker’s smile got sadder.

“Paige, it’s too late. Things are different in here, but soon you’ll get that urge that you always talk about, and frankly it’s killing me right now, just walking away – having you walk out on me later, that will destroy me,” he said. She hung her head.

“Please, Parker. I'm begging you, seriously begging you, just wait. A day. Give me one day. Two days,” she begged. She felt his finger under her chin and then he tilted her head up so he could look her in the eye.

“I think maybe you need someone who wants this life of adventure and no strings attached bullshit. But that’s not me. I tried to convince both of us I was that person, but that wasn’t fair. To either of us. I just made things worse. I’m really sorry. I think you always needed someone more like you, someone more than me, and I know I deserve someone who actually wants to be with me. Someone who doesn’t need a near death experience to make them think they’re in love with me,” his said in a soft voice, chuckling at the end.

Paige felt like she'd been hit in the stomach. She made a gagging sound in the back of her throat. She didn’t know how to stop this, it was like watching a train come at her in slow motion. If only she'd gotten knocked in the head two weeks ago, they could still be in Galveston.

“It didn’t take a near death experience,” she whispered and he sighed, backing away from her.

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