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I stepped back, jerked my hands away, and summoned my self-control. Maybe he was right. I didn’t particularly like being told what I was ready for or felt or needed. I didn’t like it as a child when my mother did it, and I sure as fuck didn’t like it as a grown woman.
“Shall I tell you what I long for? What Ineed?” Eli asked in a voice that was thick with the same desire I’d glimpsed.
I took another step backward. At the thought of what he undoubtedly would offer if I said the word, energy surged out of me in a wave that rattled the ground under us.
“Or shall we drop this line of conversation?” he asked lightly.
“I can’t. We . . . we cannot,” I said, although I wasn’t sure which of us I was trying to convince.
I wanted him. I doubt that anyone could be on the receiving end of Eli’s charm and not consider it. Maybe if he spoke to me like he did to the women he took to the back room at the bar, or even if he offered the excuse that it would mean nothing, I could give in. He never gave me that, though. No fae-lies. No excuses.
He didn’t move away like he usually did. “Many believe the fae are gifted in touch. Some even say that there is no magic to being faery-struck, simply the fact that no lover is as thorough as a faery.”
Despite myself, I said, “Being faery-struck is a scientifically proven phenomena. Some mortals are simply overwhelmed and cannot return tohumanlovers.”
He laughed and motioned for me to ascend the stairs.
“Are you admitting to being more fae than you claim, Eli?” I glanced back at him.
His laughter vanished, and he stared at me intently. “Would that change anything? My heritage? Or my secrets? Or perhaps my full disclosure? Is that your price?”
“Eli . . .” I swallowed and whispered, “You want something I can never give you.”
“Do you truly want to debate this, Geneviève?”
I refused to answer, choosing instead to look away and continue up the stairs to the second floor of the building. This was a bad line of conversation.
“I can’t do this,” I admitted. “I can’t lose you.”
“And yet, I amhere.” He kissed the air near my face, close enough that I shivered. It wasn’t just sexual. It was so very much more. And I knew then that he meant more than in my life. He was in my life, my world, my city. He was at my side.
Then he motioned me forward. That mask, the vaguely amused beautiful face, was back in place, but I saw the things behind it—and I was terrified. To be fae was to want a family. I would never have children. I knew what I was, and I could not pass that on. Not with Eli. Not with anyone.
Most of the time, that decision didn’t hurt. With Eli, it did. Maybe it was his feelings that were making me feel this way. The image of being with Eli wasn’t something I could allow myself. Not even for a moment.
Eli and I were connected as surely as I was to my two closest female friends and my oldest, dearest friend, Jesse. If I were an animal, I’d consider them my pack. If I were a regular human, I would think of them as my team, my squad, my family. All I knew was that they had my sword as long as I lived—or beyond if I stayed animate after death. They weremine.
Eli was mine, in the way Jesse and Sera and Christy were. He could not be more than that. I wasn’t able to give that to anyone. I wasn’t sure what I truly was, so attempting a relationship was out of the question—especially with someone I cared about too much to hurt by leading him on.
Best not to ever risk developing feelings at all.
Chapter Seven
I stoppedat the second-floor landing of Eli’s home. In front of me was an ornate door, wood inlaid with silver and brass. To enter Eli’s home required entry into the building—and Ihadnoticed the formal words to lower whatever barrier the door held beyond physical—and now another door. Two doors and acceptance verbally. He had three points of opening simply to enter his home.
“Look back,” Eli said lightly.
Behind us, his polished stair-railing was covered in buds and blossoms. It was chaotic and beautiful, but it interrupted the polished look of his foyer. I wasn’t sure if I ought to apologize or expect gratitude. Either way, I felt awkward.
“It was an accident.”
Eli gave another of his shrugs. “The magic must go somewhere. Best to fight or fuck it out, if not for its intended purpose.” He paused until I met his eyes. “And you are unwilling to invite me to do either, correct?”
“Eli . . .” I had done well resisting him so far. Most of the time, we were better at being just friends, but just now, I had to lie, avoid, or run.
“Youcanleave, Geneviève. I will not stop you,” he reassured me, speaking in that tone that said he knew and accepted my flight urges. “If you want to go, you are free to. There is no trap. I give you my word of honor.”
Eli was strong enough to give me a better fight than anything other than olderdraugr. Most people had no idea just how physically strong the fae were. Even I hadn’t realized it, and the excess power in Eli’s wiry body made me question how well I’d hold up against a full-blood fae if Eli was no more than half.
