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Sera continued, “And sterile gloves.”
I tried to keep my eyes human, but I was losing the fight there. My pupils reshaped into something monstrous. I said, “Eli stays. You all go. Now.”
“We aren’t g—”
“My father was adraugr,” I blurted out, as much as it horrified me to admit those words. “My mother gave birth to the child of a dead thing. I’m not sure what will happen to me if the venom keeps changing things. I feel it inside, guys. My kidneys. My heart. My vision. I don’t know, and Eli is . . . Eli is strong enough to. . .”
“We can help you, too,” Sera insisted.
“Ven-om.” I broke the word in two and glared at her. “If I change . . .” My voice fractured then, and I sobbed. “I could hurt you. Eli’s strong enough to stop me. He works with me because of it. He could . . . he could stop me from hurting him.”
I felt like something in me was breaking. They ought to fear me, hate me, be disgusted. Instead they were standing here. They’d offered money for a T-Cell House. Whodidthat? I wanted to explain that it wasn’t that I thought I was dying, but that if I did die, I’d wake again, and I would not, absolutely could not, be like that. To the best of my knowledge the only person on any record of bringing a recently perverted corpse to instant clarity was me, and that was something I’d managed exactly once. If I was dead, I had no idea what I’d be like. Would I be even stronger since I already had adraugr’s strength while living?
“I suspected you were bitten years ago,” Sera said. “This explains it better, though. You almostflowsometimes. Not totally, but it’s like you’re here and then you’re there.”
“Told you.” Jesse grinned, despite everything. “We all still love you. And if you end up in a T-Cell house, we’ll still be—”
“Please? I can’t do this and worry about hurting you. I need you all to leave.”
Christy nodded. “Still love you. Still want to stay . . .butwe’ll go so you can do whatever.” She looked at Eli. “Keep her alive. If not, we wait for her to come back. If she changes, we have money for a T-Cell.”
She took Jesse and Sera’s hands, and they left.
“Geneviève,” Eli began.
I stared at him, daring him to argue with the inevitable next request. In a low whisper, I said, “I won’t go to a T-Cell House, Eli. I need someone strong enough to stop me if I . . .” I swallowed and shoved the ice aside. “They had to leave in case you need to kill me.”
I pushed to my feet and tried to stand. Eli helped. I lifted one of my swords from the wall rack in my room and put it on the bed.
“Geneviève . . .”
I sat down, hand on the hilt, and looked up at him. He was staring at the sword. “If you wrap your hands in something before you lift this, it won’t hurt you that much to—”
“Killing you would more thanhurt.” Eli tore his gaze away from the sword between us. “It would destroy me.”
“You understand then. I cannot be something that kills people. I can’t become like that, Eli, and no one else I know is strong enough to stop me.” I’d begun to shake. The few moments without ice was too long. I couldn’t live in bed under ice for the rest of my however-many-decades-or-centuries of life, and I couldn’t become a worse perversion of life than I already was. I grabbed the ice and piled it on my skin again, and with shaky hands, he helped.
“Geneviève . . . what you ask . . .”
I hated the way Eli was looking at me. If this got worse, there weren’t many choices left. I needed him to agree before we tried to cut the venom out.
“I guess the guillotine purchase wasn’t as bad of an idea as I’d thought. If my plan fails . . . don’t warehouse me. I don’t want to bethat.”
Eli met my gaze.
“If I turn, will you kill me? Please, Eli, I know it’s a lot to ask, but . . .?”
The moments dragged, but finally, Eli gave one nod, took a steadying breath, and shifted to a businesslike demeanor. I was grateful for it, for him. The familiar light tone in his voice was a total lie, but I was still glad to hear it when he asked, “What is your plan to avoid changing?”
“It’s a terrible plan,” I warned Eli as I lifted the heated knife.
“I would expect no less of you.” He was clearly trying to continue to sound light hearted, but he watched me warily. I guess asking someone to kill you is awkward.
“Sanitize that?” I nodded at my belly as I took the bag of ice off my skin.
The skin was red with splotches of white. I wasn’t sure what was from the ice and what was from the poison. All I knew for sure was that the venom wouldn’t stay in this knot. Whether the broken needle or the ice had bought me this much time, I didn’t know. The amount in the first injection was more than enough to scare me. More wasn’t an option. It had to come out.
“I’m going to cut it out.”
