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Theyhadto find her.
Because I could barely sit up straight.
“It’s your own idiotic fault, you know,” Diesel said. “That you’re stuck in here while they’re out there doing what actually matters.”
“Don’t.”
“Don’twhat, Son?” Diesel snapped. “Don’t be upset that my son threw himself off the roof of a fucking building? Hmm?”
I pinched my eyes closed, remembering what it had felt like to give in. To fall.
The most terrifying thing about it was that it wasn’t scary at all. It felt like the sweetest sort of release.
It didn’t matter that I hadn’t slept more than a few minutes at a time in weeks and wasn’t thinking straight. It didn’t matter that I’d almost killed a guy for making a backhanded comment about my girl in a blacked-out rage. That I’d been slowly, steadily losing this controlled version of myself since the first time I woke up to realize she wasn’t there.
It didn’t matter that now, in the light of day, lying useless in this fucking bed that I could see how completely pointless my death would’ve been. Istillcouldn’t bring myself to fully regret it.
I’d do it again to save her.
And again.
And again.
If my death meant she suffered for even a minute less than she had to. I’d give her the knife and beg her to end me.
Diesel leaned forward over the shotgun in his lap, his expression hard. Lips in a taut line. “You’ve really got nothing to say?”
“You don’t know what he was doing to her, Dad.”
His lips parted at something he saw in my eyes.
“He had her tied. Practically naked. He was…”
A knot formed between his brows.
“…touching her. He threatened to…”
I couldn’t even say it without the rage threatening to boil over inside. My head spun, the testosterone and adrenaline at war with the pain killers keeping me floating on a cloud where they couldn’t quite reach.
“I couldn’t watch him do it,” I said after a moment of tense silence between us.
Diesel hesitated before responding, pressing the tips of his fingers together to steeple them in front of his mouth, thinking. “We’re going to find this guy, and when we do, the things I did to the man who took my Jacqueline from me will pale in comparison to what he will suffer.”
The promise of violence shining in his eyes made me shiver with relief.
“But you have to promise me, Son. No matter what this motherfucker does, you willnotthrow your life away. You have far too much to live for.”
I looked away. “I won’t.”
Think,bitch.
Think.
I stared at the lighter through watery vision, as though it might whisper to me the secret to my escape. And my revenge.
Without the ability to move, it was useless.
I growled my frustration at it, pushing the darkness to new heights within. Little good it did me now. My skin prickled with it, my chest expanding wide with heavy breath. That nameless power I drew from in critical moments like this one was wasted on me.
