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But how can I?
“Dimples, please talk to me. You know you can tell me anything. I told you before, nothing will ever make me change my mind about us, nothing!” he shouted. I knew he wasn’t yelling at me, but I’d seen the panic and worry in his eyes. It was coming out loud and clear when he spoke.
“Brax, I can’t right now. Please understand and just let me go see Alley and Summer. Please?” Gasping for air, between the sobs, my voice begged him to understand and not keep questioning me. Braxton was nothing short of amazing and nodding his head he let his hands fall from my face.
The loss of his touch tore me up inside, ripping me to shreds. And when he helped me up, his words pierced my heart.
“Whatever is going on and is bothering you, we can get through it, don’t give up on us.” Tears matched my own, and fell down his face, while his expression held so much misery. But I still had seen an abundance of love shining through.For me.“I love you so much, Dimples. It’s you and me now. Go talk with the girls, because I get how important they are to you, but come back to me. Come back to us?”
When I didn’t answer, he looked so wounded, but I wouldn’t lie, and I had no answers as to what fate would bring to us.
Walking away was one of the hardest things I had ever done in my life. It crushed my soul, and I didn’t know if I was coming back from the darkness that plunged into my world, but I did know that Braxton deserved extraordinary, and I wasn’t living up to that right now.
I hadn’t said a word yet in the last twenty minutes.
Walking into my old house with the girls after Braxton dropped me off since he wouldn’t let me drive as upset as I was, I found them both in the living room and that’s where we had been since. When I closed the front door, I had melted into a puddle of watery tears and they picked me up and took me to the couch. This is where we had sat while they held me and let me cry it out. We knew one another well, and they knew I would talk eventually when I felt like I could.
My sobs slowed and little hiccups of breath took their place as I slowly got myself under control the best I could. Why? That's what I wanted to know. Why was this happening to me? Didn’t I deserve the reach for the stars kinda happiness others experienced?
Finally, after taking a deep breath, I laid my heart bare to my best friends. They always seemed to know just what to say to help me work through all my emotional times over the years.
“I went to the oncologist today.”
“Honey, why didn’t you call one of us and have us go with you?” Summer asked, brows furrowed.
“It happened quickly and I had to leave right away to head over there. Otherwise, I know you would have and Alley too, just as you have in the past. Let me explain what happened and then you both can have your say like you always do.” That got a little tilt of my lips because my girls always had to have their say.
They nodded to let me know to continue. I went on to explain to them about feeling tired and nauseated like I have in the past and when I made the call, the doctor's office had time to draw blood and start to check some things out, so I went right over.
“I’m supposed to be planning my wedding and preparing for Embry to come live with us if we are blessed enough for that to happen. But how can I even continue doing those things when there is a chance that I am sick again? If not now, what about later?” I paused and Alley jumped in.
“Did you talk to my brother about this?” she asked, arms crossed.
I hung my head in shame, because what could I say? I was a chicken, I was sacred, and I didn’t want him to sacrifice everything if it came out that I truly was ill. Because Braxton was that kind of guy. He was the best, with the biggest heart, and he wouldn’t walk away; not even when he should.
“Oh, Jurnee, you should have told him what’s going on. You guys are supposed to be partners, it’s something to work out together, not alone.” Alley scolded in a way that only she could.
“I’m not alone, I have you two.” Even though that was true, I knew it wasn’t the same. I didn’t do the right thing. I had run away. Just up and left.
Omg, I am the most awful person in the world. How could I do that to him?
“I messed everything up, I don’t know what I am doing,” I cried out, emotions boiling over.
Through more tears, hugs, and emotional breakdowns, my two besties managed to do what they always did—make me feel better and see things more clearly. This wasexactlywhy I needed to come here, but I had gone about it all wrong.
“Do you love Braxton?” Alley asked.
I answered without hesitation. “With all my heart.”
“Then tell him, don’t let him worry and work through it with one another, it will be okay. It could be anything, and I know getting checked out is a little more standard for you because of your past medical history, but you have to think positive.”
I knew Alley was right, I needed to see what was right in front of me, that I had more than just the girls now, and I could grab onto Braxton through the good and bad times because that’s what two soon to be married people were supposed to do.
Through sickness and in health. Let’s hope we don’t have to worry about the sickness part right now.
“He loves you too, boo. Head over heels, it’s written in his eyes every time he looks at you,” Summer said, adding her favorite little endearment. I felt giddy inside hearing that she noticed that about him.
“Thanks, you two. I should have realized all this and handled it differently, but I was lost there for a bit with worry. Is it okay if I stay here tonight though?”
