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“You all need to stop looking at me like that, it isn’t bad. I just need a moment with my brother.”
Everyone seemed to relax at once and Jurnee walked over to take her son from her husband’s arms.
“We can go in my office,” Braxton told me as he headed out of the kitchen with me following right behind him.
I know my brother and I had talked before, but I just needed to tell him a couple of things one more time. As I started to heal and accept everything that had happened, I still felt guilty for what I had done to Braxton and my best friends.
Clearing the air another time was something that I felt was important so I could settle and forgive myself.
Braxton ushered me to sit down as soon as I stepped inside. That caused another eye roll for the day. Again, I appreciated the caring behavior, but these guys were so over the top sometimes. I was able to still stand.
My belly rumbled with a little laugh deep inside and I swear I felt that fluttering feeling I had been getting recently. My little one was probably laughing at her uncle along with me. But I sat anyway, as he leaned against his desk.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, Brax. I just wanted to say I am sorry again—”
“Alley, “ he started, cutting me off. “You don’t have to do this again. I know and I forgive you.”
I appreciated that, I really did, but I still needed this.
“Just let me get this out again. It is something I feel like I need to do so I can move forward. Okay?”
He nodded and I proceeded.
“Not telling you about Landon and causing a rift between you two still kills me. I know you guys have mostly patched things up and we all have got through it, but it was wrong of me. That and not coming to you when I got pregnant and was going through so much.”
I took in a gulp of air so I could get through the rest and allow my emotions to settle for a second. He stayed silent, knowing I wasn’t finished.
“I wouldn’t ever take back my time with Landon because he is the only man for me, but I wish now I would have done it a little differently, so I hadn’t hurt, lied, or shut you or the girls out. I love Landon so much, Braxton, that it scares me. And with each day that passes, I grow to love my little girl growing inside me, more and more,” I said, placing my hands on my stomach and rubbing softly. “But I'm still scared because I felt that way once before and lost everything.”
Talking to my brother wasn’t easy but it was freeing.
A hiccup of emotion escaped my lips and Braxton came to sit next to me. He grabbed me and pulled me into his embrace.
“I didn’t do great last time with my choices, and I also had a shitty mother. What if I am not a good mother either?” I whispered.
Braxton pulled back and looked me in the eyes. “Alley, you have always known how to take care of yourself, watched out for me even though you were younger, and took the lead with your friends to make sure they were always okay. You are going to rock this mother role. Believe it.”
Drip, drip, drip.
His belief in me and words warmed the wall some more around my heart. It was melting and It felt amazing.
“Thanks, big brother.” I grabbed him and gave him one last squeeze.
With a load off my shoulder, my body sagged a little with relief, and then my stomach rumbled.
Braxton laughed.
“Looks like she is already demanding to be fed,” I joked, releasing him and placing my palms back on my tummy.
We got up and headed out of his office back toward the kitchen. I felt like that was behind me now and glad I talked with him again.
Now I had to get through another conversation with the girls.
* * *
“I definitely ate enough for two,”I said, laughing.
