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Two reasons I made that mistake.
Sure, at the time I didn’t think it was a mistake, but within hours I had doubted myself, and days later I knew I’d been stupid because all I wanted to do was be with him.
But I was scared at how close we were getting and the things my body was starting to crave from him, in addition to the idea that I could have the white picket fence dream that I saw when I looked into his eyes. Along with worry if I was good enough for him and could I provide what he needed from a woman without cowering away. I may want it, but could I allow it after what my husband had done to me?
A shiver raced up my spine as the memory of me screaming, “No,”over and over as Thad took me without permission while almost choking the life from my body took hold.
I knew Kace wasn’t him. I wanted to get past it and be the woman he needed. Sharing that intimacy was something my body ached for. But how did I do that?
The second reason I made Kace start sleeping at his place was that, somewhere inside me, I had to know that I could make it on my own. I’d been doing it before the baby, but very poorly in my opinion. Now that Denver was here and Kace had stayed with me every night since the birth, I hadn’t just taken care of the two of us myself.
I needed to believe I was strong enough to do that.
But I missed him so damned much.
I might see Kace at work and when we rode together, but without him, in my home, it didn’t feel the same. He wasn’t happy about it, but he said he would do anything for me and agreed to do as I asked.
It was getting harder to not cave and tell him I screwed up and wanted him with me every night. He’d made it clear that was where he wanted to be. I just had to grab on with both hands and let it all happen.
A storm was coming, I could feel it in my bones.
Looking down at Denver, sleeping soundly in his baby carrier, I prayed I could keep him safe no matter what came along. Alley had kept him for part of the day and since it was almost time to head home, she had just dropped him off with me and went back to talk to her brother about something in his office.
Just as I looked back up from my sweet boy, I noticed a car circling the far edge of the parking lot and my spine went rigid. My body was on full alert, telling me something wasn’t right. I leaned down to grab Denver and just as I did, the door alarm rang for someone to get into the building, quickly jolting me back up in a panic.
It was Lyric at the door and the car was gone. Had I been imagining things and it was just him that had been out there, parking to come inside? I was still nervous around the man, especially when he showed up here in his uniform. He’d been nothing but nice to me and tried hard to put my mind at ease, noticing there was something about his presence that unsettled me, but he never pushed to know what.
I hit the button to allow him in and he moved with confident strides toward my desk. Out of uniform and casually wearing a pair of black shorts and a white t-shirt, he was a bit less intimidating. Although he always seeped with an air of authority. Ex-military, a cop, as well as a highly trained and fit man, anyone would take notice when he was around.
It felt wrong to lump him with my ex and most of his friends, but I couldn’t seem to help it.
“Hey, Teal,” he greeted me as he reached where I stood.
Glancing once more at the parking lot to make sure I wasn’t missing anything, I didn’t reply right away.
“Everything okay?” he asked, turning to look in the direction my eyes were glued to.
“Oh sorry.” I peeled my gaze from the front windows and looked at him as he turned back to face me. “Sure, everything is good.” I said the words but wasn’t feeling them at all.
Lyric looked at me like he was about to call me on my bullshit but as skittish as I was around him, he must have chosen to let it go. This was the first time he had seen Denver and he congratulated me and asked how we both were doing.
He and I didn’t do much small talk, and that was my fault. But he was trying and when he brought up my angel, it went a long way. He seemed very genuine.
All checked in, Lyric started to head away, just as my peripheral vision caught on movement from the right.
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion.
I turned to see the car back, only this time it was right in front of the building, the passenger side window scrolled down, and everything in me knew in the pit of my soul that what was about to happen was not good.
A scream left my lips telling Lyric to get down, as the tip of a black gun appeared from the car's window, and I threw myself over my son.
The sound of shattering glass exploded all around us, my heart pounding and my mind screamed for someone to make the madness stop. I didn’t know if Lyric was hurt, I prayed that nobody from the offices would come running out at that moment, but all I could do was shield my baby.
Then the screeching of tires hit my ears, as I heard Kace and the others shouting as their feet pounded on the floor in a rush toward me.
Please let it be over.
No sooner than the wish crossed my mind, Kace was there next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear that everyone would be okay, we were safe now. I shook my head side to side, not believing a word he said. I couldn’t get myself to move from Denver, afraid it would start all over again.
